The Douche Cyberwar: the crucial moment is at hand!

[The Griz]

Something smells fishy. And I don't mean the goldfish I anally plowed this morning.

[Batman]

My word....

Snarf was a valued member of the same Babysitter's Club as my own dear... Aunt Harriet. "Is," I should say. It appears he... clings... valiantly to life, but just barely. Robin, get Snarf to a hospital. Someone, quickly... determine if Ratchet is one of the dozen or so Transformers registered here. He needs... medical attention... beyond what a Bat-bandaid can do.

Rob, it's a good thing you're here. Snarf was clearly attacked by someone impersonating the late... Doctor Douche. As there is no evidence regarding the culprit's true identity, I must use Bat-deduction and assume it was none other than... The Joker. Point me in the direction of this grassy knoll to which you refer, and I shall begin the investigation into this... nefarious misdeed.

[Doc]

Batman, do you read me? This is Doc at headquarters. Great news! Snarf's come out of his coma!

He's going to have to recover for a while, but I'll help him work the kinks out of his memory and re-learn how to type, right after I get back from this mission. Duke's taking Falcon, Crazylegs, Cross Country, Breaker, Quick Kick, Thunder, Crankcase, and Heavy Metal to Trucial Abysmia to deal with those idiotic Crimson Twins, and they want me to come in case anyone scrapes their knee getting out of the helicopter. Should be a cakewalk. I mean, those Crimson Twins, they are real morons, right? "Ooh, don't punch me, you might break my brother's nose!" Whoever heard of such foolishness? That's about as dumb as Zartan and his, "Ooh, sunlight! It makes me turn blue and that embarrasses me or some dumb shit." And those two Euro-trash homos are apparently surrounding themselves with a bunch of those idiotic specialized Vipers... I hear they've got a new one with a retarded pink suit of armor, and he's called a Saw Viper. What the hell, Cobra's got lumberjacks now? "A ruthless terrorist organization determined to piss off treehuggers"? And I thought Barbecue was a dumb idea.

Anyway, I expect to be back in about a day or so, tops.

[anarky]

Sounds great, Doc. Glad to hear Snarf will be all right. If you haven't left for your mission yet, I've got some advice: if you guys get captured, and are left in a ravine, and you think the Cobras have all left, don't volunteer to look out of the ditch and confirm they're gone. You'll thank me later.

[Joe Biden]

When I take office, one of my first priorities will be ending this war in Trucial Abysmia. I hear the people every morning from my Amtrak, and they're talking about how we were lied to about it being an easy victory, mocking Admiral Keel-Haul for appearing with a "Mission Accomplished" banner during the issue--stay with me, camera guy--where it was still only a subplot and the main story was about Snake Eyes fighting Cobra Commander because he sent Major Bludd to kill his dead sister's onetime fiance or some such crap (I just read it on the rack at Home Depot, where I spend all my free time). They're angry, and you know what they're angry about? They don't like that Quick-Kick was one of the first to die. They are outraged that Breaker and even Doc were killed in the line of duty. Wasted lives. And my son is going to be going over there--not the one you know about, but a kid I fathered with a black prostitute, who goes by the name of Cool Breeze. I'm scared shitless of him getting hurt. Folks, we need a solution, we need a ShamWow on a national scale to clean up this mess. Because we're gonna spend $20 billion a month on paper towels, anyway.

[anarky]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Joe.

http://www.myuselessknowledge.com/joe/i ... &Itemid=53

He died a hero. And Stalker's ShamWow soaked up the blood before it could stain Stalker's badass camo duds.

[Namblaman]

Mr. Biden, I realize your loss is tremendous, but if it is any consolation, Cool Breeze asked me to tell you that he left his car keys in his underwear drawer at home. He knows how much you love that car, and says you should use it so you don't have to worry about those cramped Amtraks.

[Zaphod]

Mr. Biden, I realize your loss is tremendous, but if it is any consolation, Cool Breeze asked me to tell you that he left his car keys in his underwear drawer at home. He knows how much you love that car, and says you should use it so you don't have to worry about those cramped Amtraks.

twat did you say? i cunt hear you. i've got an ear infucktion.