I dreamed about jjreason last night

[anarky]

I had an odd one last night. Don't remember all of it, but here's what I do remember.

There was a trial. It was supposed to be the new "trial of the century." I don't remember who specifically was on trial, but it boiled down to a guilty verdict meaning everyone who spent money on bad comic books would get their money back. But, for some reason, this wasn't as good as it would sound, and would lead to the destruction of America as we knew it. The defense attorney was Abraham Lincoln. The prosecutor was like some anti-Abe Lincoln; he had the same face, but was bald, had a ZZ Top beard (sans mustache), pot-bellied, and wore some sort of cult-like white nehru-collared robe.

The trial was taking place in a kindergarten classroom, one at an elementary school I went to (but only from 5th-6th grades). Anti-Abe started by questioning the defense attorney, who apparently was now Todd McFarlane (Abraham Lincoln was now Anti-Abe's co-defense attorney, or something). McFarlane was clearly batshit insane and was talking about how he'd built a castle to harness the vril energy and bring about the resurrection of Cthulu.

I (sitting at my desk behind the main action) leaned to the guy to my left, who was, of all people, Slicker, and said, "I'm not sure how it works or why they're grilling the other lawyer, but if McFarlane starts spilling the beans on the early days of Image, wait until Rob Liefeld gets sucked into this. If they question him, who knows what'll come up!"

The guy sitting in front of Slicker, who turned out to be Rob Liefeld, turned around and said, "You wanna say that to my face?" He then pulled out a switchblade and said, "I'll cut you, n****r!!"

"What the fuck?" I said. "I was just talking about all the clandestine meetings with world leaders you guys held in the early 90s, the ones no one knows about. They could make a movie about the shit only you know about why 9/11 really happened! It had nothing to do with your inability to draw a damned thing."

"Oh, sorry, man. I thought you were talking about my mama. People do that all the time! She's a whore. But I don't like them carrying on about it."

That's about all I remember. No, I don't know if an obvious "Slicker's Mom" joke came up next in conversation. All I know is that, in my dream, Rob Liefeld called me the N-word for no apparent reason.

[Negative Boy]

All I know is that, in my dream, Rob Liefeld called me the N-word for no apparent reason.

No apparent reason?

Waitaminnit. You're not black? For reals?

Awwww man. All this time I've been hatin' on you for the wrong reasons!! Damn! Sorry, Sport.

[Venkman]

Rob Liefeld is a great man and would never say such an awful, horrible word! Unless it was for some awesome reason like he was saving Democracy from the Nazis or stopping the Earth from splitting in two. Which Rob does all the time and never asks or gets credit for. One time I baked like 200 dozen Snickerdoodles for Rob and he took a bite of one and said they tasted like shit and threw them all down the garbage disposal. That's so badass!! He's so awesome. I love you, Rob.

[Ran]

The weekend before Christmas, we bought a puppy. This morning right before I woke up, I was having a dream where the puppy was pooping all over the living room. I told my wife about it and she said she had an even stranger dream.

She said we were walking around somewhere and everyone started calling me a liar and cheater. Then someone told her I cheated on her with 4 women. Apparently I decided to make things straight with her and confess. I told her the truth...that the number was closer to 200 and that they were mostly black women.

[anarky]

I dreamed your puppy cheated on 200 black women by pooping all over them.

That puppy is into some kinky shit.

[Tom Foolery]

I had a dream where I was James Bond and Mr. T was Q. He said "Foo! Pay attention while I explain this necktie that's also a laser! Nunya jibba jabba!!"
Then the Queen walked around with her knickers around her ankles shouting at everybody in Farsi. The SuperVillain was hyperglycemic so I killed him with a giant bowl of Captain Crunch.

[anarky]

I had a dream where I wrote a movie where Elvis had survived and used his near-death experience as a wake-up call. And he became sort of the ultimate rock star, even more than he'd been. It was exploring how things were different until his eventual death at 74 in 2009. Mostly just stuff in the music world, but he was also a living embodiment of inspiration to the American people, so there were flying cars by the time he died.

[anarky]

Last night I dreamed my son shat himself, was trying to get away from the shit, tripped, fell over backwards, and somehow made his head go inside out. His neck just sort of ended in a sphincter-shaped hole. He was crying and walking around, looking for his head.

I told Mrs A about my dream, and she made a sour face and said, "Some things you shouldn't share."

[anarky]

Triple post!

I just read an article about De Loys' Ape. It included the picture.

The infamous picture of a dead spider monkey that's supposedly an American ape.

The picture that will eat your fucking soul and shit it out and throw it in your face. The picture I saw once on TV as a kid, and that kept me up every night for a week, and that still found its way into my nightmares months, even years, later.

The picture gives me fucking cold chills now, and little scares me anymore.

I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to dream of that fucking monkey's evil, evil face.

Seriously, that is the fucking creepiest photograph ever taken. I'm not linking to it. Google it yourself, and don't blame me when it's four in the morning and you close your eyes and that fucking face is burned into your mind.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

It reminds me of the Salt Creature from Star Trek: TOS. I can see how that would creep you out as a child.

I was going to be a mean fuck and link the image. But I didn't.

[anarky]

I'm exaggerating my present response to it. But not by much. I was actually surprised that it gave me cold chills for a second. The fucker's burned into my mind; I know the picture so it's not like it shocked me to see what it looked like.

I didn't link it because it'd be like when fucking Dr. Douche linked the naked Tony Danza pic. No one wants to see that shit more than once, twice tops.

The difference between any Star Trek character and that... thing: Star Trek is a special effect. No matter what the fuck that thing is, that's its real face.

[anarky]

Surprisingly, Googling "De Loys Ape abuse your soul" yields no results. I expected something in the millions.

[Negative Boy]

I didn't link it because it'd be like when fucking Dr. Douche linked the naked Tony Danza pic. No one wants to see that shit more than once, twice tops.

"Twice Tops"?? You're latent homosexuality is showing there, Fagatron.

[Rollo Tomassi]

This one is too cool/bizarre to not write down as soon as I woke up or I'll forget it. It had a Route 66/Twin Peaks vibe to it.
I was an FBI agent in what looked like the 50s first day on the job. I meet me totally by the book flat top buzz cut partner for the first time in this diner/truck stop complex in what looks like NM or AZ. I say that because it's very arid outside. He's grabbed this young punk kid (young means 20s) whose rockin the whole white-tee blue jeans look and we're supposed to call in and verify we caught him. So it's my job to walk behind the kid while he has the cuffs on and he's being a real jerkass trying to get a rise out of me. My partner makes a phone call on an old public pay phone. But then we have to walk a long ways inside this truck stop. It feels like we're in an old airport with the giant windows all along one side, but there are gas pumps. So we go to another section of this giant (whatever it is truckstop/diner/whatever) and I'm supposed to call to confirm. The voice on the other end is kinda creepy and I'm starting to think this kid isn't what they say he is. And I kinda think my partner feels the same way, but he's too stick in the ass to question orders and since it's my first day and it's only a hunch there's not a whole lot i can do. Then the guy on the phone asks me some weird question (I can't remember what exactly) and i turn and theres this big black guy standing outside the big glass windows looking in (this is where it was getting Twins Peakish) and for some reason it makes me realize the guy on the phone was trying to confirm Which part of the truck stop we are in. Which sets some warning off in my head. So I make an excuse to head back the way we came.
Now, I woke up before it happened, but I think where we were before was going to get blown up or a truck was going to run into a gas pump because they're trying to kill the young guy(who I learned was a fugitive who'd been on the run for two years.)
There were other characters like a cute young waitress, but that parts fuzzier as to how we interacted. The whole dream felt like the first episode of a very cool TV series. Like a 1950s X-Files or something. That's why I'm up before 7:00 AM typing this out so I don't forget it.

[Geoff Peterson]

I had a sex dream about Patty Hearst. Not current Hearst, but the one from the 60s.
She was in a dominatrix outfit and was on top of me on a squeaky bed frame with an old fashion brass 'headboard'.
And Ran was in the dream wearing the Gimp costume from Pulp Fiction and he was having a cock sword fight with Roman Polanski at the foot of the bed. Then the Statue of Liberty leaned down and looked in the window and told us to stop what we were doing, or she was gonna tell. Then she threw a giant bucket of water in the window and everybody got soaked and we were all self-conscious because now we were all wearing white t-shirts which were all wet and you could see our nipples through the wet fabric.
Then I woke up.