The Three Gay Bears
Moderators: Batman, Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons
- Zaphod
- knightrider
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:56 pm
- Location: CHESTER A. ARTHUR'S WIFE'S VAGINA... WITH THE VINEGAR, BABY!
The Three Gay Bears
once upon a time, in a faraway magical forest just outside of san francisco, there lived three gay bears: daddy bear #1, daddy bear #2, and baby gimp bear. they lived a happy existence in their immaculately decorated cottage, living entirely off the land and only going into town to mail their donations to organizations that supported their gay agenda.
(not that there's anything wrong with that. some bears are just born that way, you know, and live their lives as polesmokers.)
one morning, daddy bear #1 woke up daddy bear #2 with some early morning fellatio. as daddy bear #2 basked in the afterglow of blowing his load in daddy bear #1's mouth, daddy bear #1 mounted him from behind and slammed his ass so hard that it woke up baby gimp bear. realizing their child was awake and needed to eat, daddy bear #2 staggered into the kitchen to make some porridge. "none for me," said daddy bear #1. "i have a belly full of cum."
daddy bear #2 made three bowls of porridge as bear semen leaked from his asshole all over the floor. he hurriedly placed the bowls on the table and began scrubbing daddy bear #1's love sauce from the linoleum. but, in his rush, he had placed the bowls on the table while they were still way too hot. "god damn," said daddy bear #1. "you fuck like a japanese schoolboy, but this porridge is still way too fucking hot!"
"why don't we go for a shirley temple down at the blue oyster bar while it cools?" asked baby gimp bear.
"splendid idea!" said daddy bear #2, having just finished cleaning the floor. "perhaps we could stop for a three-way reacharound while we're at it!"
"hooray!!" cried baby gimp bear, who grabbed his whips and chains and ran out the door, with his two daddy bears close behind. soon they were far away from their cottage.
now it happened that there was a shitty comic book artist named michael golden in the woods that day. and michael golden came across the cottage, and knew it was inhabited by homosexuals by the preponderance of rainbow stickers. "god damn, i hate them fucking gays!" said michael golden, and he kicked in the door.
"what the fuck is this?" asked michael golden to no one in particular. "porridge? i fucking love me some fucking porridge!" michael golden went into the kitchen, knocking pictures off the wall as he went. (michael golden was a real fucking asshole.) he took a bite of the first bowl. "fuck me! this is way too fucking hot!!" he flung the bowl against the wall, and grabbed the second bowl. "holy shit, this is way too fucking cold!" he flung that bowl against the wall, too. "that makes no fucking sense at all. the bowls are exactly the same god damn size and were presumably prepared at the same fucking time, so, shit, why is one hot and one cold? oh well. here's a third fucking bowl." michael golden picked up the third bowl, and it was just right. unfortunately, as he ate it, he stepped in a pool of bear jizz that daddy bear #2 had missed, falling flat on his face. "FUCK!" he shouted, and shattered baby gimp bear's bowl on the floor.
michael golden rushed into the bathroom, and there were three dildos on the shelf. "i sure could use a good dildo in my ass right now!" he said. he pulled down his pants, picked up the first dildo, and tried to shove it into his anus. it was much too big. "god damn it, this dildo is too big!" he shouted. the second dildo he could barely feel. "this dildo is way the fuck too small!" so michael golden grabbed the third dildo. "oh yeah, baby, this dildo is just right!" he sat the dildo on the side of the tub and bounced on it for several minutes, finally putting it in the toothbrush rack, still covered with shit.
"i need a fucking nap after that workout!" said michael golden. he went into the bedroom. there were two beds. (you think daddy bear #1 and daddy bear #2 didn't share a bed? seriously, what the fuck? is this "i love lucy"?) he went to the first bed and saw it was completely covered with sticky fluids. "that's some nasty bear jizz there, that is," he said, and so he went to the other bed. he laid down on it, chugged some jack daniels, and passed out in a drunken stupor, almost immediately pissing himself and the bed.
about this time, the three gay bears came home. "what the fuck?" shouted daddy bear #1. "some asshole fucked with my porridge!"
"some asshole fucked with my porridge, too!" said daddy bear #2.
"some asshole fucked with my porridge, too," said baby gimp bear, "and he broke my fucking bowl."
the three bears were pissed off. they noticed the bathroom door was opened and looked in.
"some asshole fucked with my dildo!" shouted daddy bear #1.
"some asshole fucked with my dildo, too!" shouted daddy bear #2.
"some asshole fucked with my dildo, too," said baby gimp bear, "and the sick fuck got shit all over all our toothbrushes!"
"nasty," said daddy bear #2. "we're going to have to severely fuck this bastard up."
"let's go get our guns," said daddy bear #1. "they're in the bedroom."
so the three gay bears went into their bedroom. "some asshole fucked with our bed!" shouted daddy bear #1 and daddy bear #2.
"some asshole fucked with my bed, too!' shouted baby gimp bear. "and the motherfucker is still here!"
"what the fuck?" said michael golden, waking up.
"god damn it!" shouted daddy bear #2. "it's fucking michael golden!"
"let's fuck him up!" shouted baby gimp bear.
"the way he fucked up every god damn comic book he drew a shitty cover for," said daddy bear #2.
"no, let's just fuck him," said daddy bear #1.
"hey, you ursine faggots," shouted michael golden. "i'm straight!"
"you expect us to believe that?" asked baby gimp bear, grabbing michael golden and holding him down. "if you're straight, why's there shit on my dildo?"
"i'm fucking straight! i just like stuff in my asshole!" screamed michael golden as daddy bear #2 ripped off his pants.
"hang on tight, little man," said daddy bear #1. "here comes big poppa!"
as daddy bear #1 ransacked michael golden's asshole, baby gimp bear got tired of listening to his screams and tied a sock over his mouth. daddy bear #1 and daddy bear #2 took turns fucking michael golden in his ass, until finally he was so full of bear semen that he'd blown up like a balloon. so daddy bear #2 strung him up by the neck and blindfolded baby gimp bear, who beat him like a fucking pinata. finally, he scored a direct hit across michael golden's nose, busting him and splattering bear jizz everywhere, which the entire family licked up happily.
the end.
the moral of the story is: if you're straight, don't stick a bear's dildo up your asshole. oh, and michael golden sucks balls.
(not that there's anything wrong with that. some bears are just born that way, you know, and live their lives as polesmokers.)
one morning, daddy bear #1 woke up daddy bear #2 with some early morning fellatio. as daddy bear #2 basked in the afterglow of blowing his load in daddy bear #1's mouth, daddy bear #1 mounted him from behind and slammed his ass so hard that it woke up baby gimp bear. realizing their child was awake and needed to eat, daddy bear #2 staggered into the kitchen to make some porridge. "none for me," said daddy bear #1. "i have a belly full of cum."
daddy bear #2 made three bowls of porridge as bear semen leaked from his asshole all over the floor. he hurriedly placed the bowls on the table and began scrubbing daddy bear #1's love sauce from the linoleum. but, in his rush, he had placed the bowls on the table while they were still way too hot. "god damn," said daddy bear #1. "you fuck like a japanese schoolboy, but this porridge is still way too fucking hot!"
"why don't we go for a shirley temple down at the blue oyster bar while it cools?" asked baby gimp bear.
"splendid idea!" said daddy bear #2, having just finished cleaning the floor. "perhaps we could stop for a three-way reacharound while we're at it!"
"hooray!!" cried baby gimp bear, who grabbed his whips and chains and ran out the door, with his two daddy bears close behind. soon they were far away from their cottage.
now it happened that there was a shitty comic book artist named michael golden in the woods that day. and michael golden came across the cottage, and knew it was inhabited by homosexuals by the preponderance of rainbow stickers. "god damn, i hate them fucking gays!" said michael golden, and he kicked in the door.
"what the fuck is this?" asked michael golden to no one in particular. "porridge? i fucking love me some fucking porridge!" michael golden went into the kitchen, knocking pictures off the wall as he went. (michael golden was a real fucking asshole.) he took a bite of the first bowl. "fuck me! this is way too fucking hot!!" he flung the bowl against the wall, and grabbed the second bowl. "holy shit, this is way too fucking cold!" he flung that bowl against the wall, too. "that makes no fucking sense at all. the bowls are exactly the same god damn size and were presumably prepared at the same fucking time, so, shit, why is one hot and one cold? oh well. here's a third fucking bowl." michael golden picked up the third bowl, and it was just right. unfortunately, as he ate it, he stepped in a pool of bear jizz that daddy bear #2 had missed, falling flat on his face. "FUCK!" he shouted, and shattered baby gimp bear's bowl on the floor.
michael golden rushed into the bathroom, and there were three dildos on the shelf. "i sure could use a good dildo in my ass right now!" he said. he pulled down his pants, picked up the first dildo, and tried to shove it into his anus. it was much too big. "god damn it, this dildo is too big!" he shouted. the second dildo he could barely feel. "this dildo is way the fuck too small!" so michael golden grabbed the third dildo. "oh yeah, baby, this dildo is just right!" he sat the dildo on the side of the tub and bounced on it for several minutes, finally putting it in the toothbrush rack, still covered with shit.
"i need a fucking nap after that workout!" said michael golden. he went into the bedroom. there were two beds. (you think daddy bear #1 and daddy bear #2 didn't share a bed? seriously, what the fuck? is this "i love lucy"?) he went to the first bed and saw it was completely covered with sticky fluids. "that's some nasty bear jizz there, that is," he said, and so he went to the other bed. he laid down on it, chugged some jack daniels, and passed out in a drunken stupor, almost immediately pissing himself and the bed.
about this time, the three gay bears came home. "what the fuck?" shouted daddy bear #1. "some asshole fucked with my porridge!"
"some asshole fucked with my porridge, too!" said daddy bear #2.
"some asshole fucked with my porridge, too," said baby gimp bear, "and he broke my fucking bowl."
the three bears were pissed off. they noticed the bathroom door was opened and looked in.
"some asshole fucked with my dildo!" shouted daddy bear #1.
"some asshole fucked with my dildo, too!" shouted daddy bear #2.
"some asshole fucked with my dildo, too," said baby gimp bear, "and the sick fuck got shit all over all our toothbrushes!"
"nasty," said daddy bear #2. "we're going to have to severely fuck this bastard up."
"let's go get our guns," said daddy bear #1. "they're in the bedroom."
so the three gay bears went into their bedroom. "some asshole fucked with our bed!" shouted daddy bear #1 and daddy bear #2.
"some asshole fucked with my bed, too!' shouted baby gimp bear. "and the motherfucker is still here!"
"what the fuck?" said michael golden, waking up.
"god damn it!" shouted daddy bear #2. "it's fucking michael golden!"
"let's fuck him up!" shouted baby gimp bear.
"the way he fucked up every god damn comic book he drew a shitty cover for," said daddy bear #2.
"no, let's just fuck him," said daddy bear #1.
"hey, you ursine faggots," shouted michael golden. "i'm straight!"
"you expect us to believe that?" asked baby gimp bear, grabbing michael golden and holding him down. "if you're straight, why's there shit on my dildo?"
"i'm fucking straight! i just like stuff in my asshole!" screamed michael golden as daddy bear #2 ripped off his pants.
"hang on tight, little man," said daddy bear #1. "here comes big poppa!"
as daddy bear #1 ransacked michael golden's asshole, baby gimp bear got tired of listening to his screams and tied a sock over his mouth. daddy bear #1 and daddy bear #2 took turns fucking michael golden in his ass, until finally he was so full of bear semen that he'd blown up like a balloon. so daddy bear #2 strung him up by the neck and blindfolded baby gimp bear, who beat him like a fucking pinata. finally, he scored a direct hit across michael golden's nose, busting him and splattering bear jizz everywhere, which the entire family licked up happily.
the end.
the moral of the story is: if you're straight, don't stick a bear's dildo up your asshole. oh, and michael golden sucks balls.
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17767
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: The Three Gay Bears
I'd say good job, but the inexplicable hatred toward the great Michael Golden loses you some cred, so I can only say "barely passable job!"
Seriously, dude, look at this. Golden is awesome, yo.
Seriously, dude, look at this. Golden is awesome, yo.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Ran
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 8865
- Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:46 pm
- Location: barking up the wrong tree
Re: The Three Gay Bears
Something about a bear using the word "splendid" cracked me up.
- Rollo Tomassi
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 3000
- Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:40 pm
- Location: In a Long Box, bagged and boarded
Re: The Three Gay Bears
There are some seriously shitty artists out there, and you went after Mike Golden?
Plus, I can't believe you took the time to type that entire story out. I must have Adult ADHD because I only read like a third of it, and then skipped to the end.
Plus, I can't believe you took the time to type that entire story out. I must have Adult ADHD because I only read like a third of it, and then skipped to the end.
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
- Zaphod
- knightrider
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:56 pm
- Location: CHESTER A. ARTHUR'S WIFE'S VAGINA... WITH THE VINEGAR, BABY!
Re: The Three Gay Bears
you guys tell michael golden to stop pissing in my flower garden whenever he gets drunk (which is every fucking morning around nine, like clockwork) and i'll stop sticking him into stories where bears sodomize him to death.
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17767
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: The Three Gay Bears
I still do not understand the bizarre hatred for one of the coolest artists of the 80s, but I think a follow-up is overdue.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Jargo
- christopher walken
- Posts: 912
- Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:45 am
- Location: Caitlin Jenner's discarded ballsack
- Contact:
Re: The Three Gay Bears
I have never read any of your posts, but from what I can learn I should say that for people who like the kind of posts you deliver, they are just the kind of posts such people like.
Whatevah!
Osculum mihi asinum!
Whatevah!
Osculum mihi asinum!
- Mister Roboto
- sloth
- Posts: 111
- Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2007 12:34 pm
- Location: Secret Secret
- Contact:
Re: The Three Gay Bears
Since when did Lady Gaga and Katy Perry make a clown porno together?
YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS!
YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS!
I am the Modern Man.
- RoIIo Tomassi
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 2536
- Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2007 6:09 am
- Location: Hollywood
Re: The Three Gay Bears
You know what's sad about that picture? Some ass got a college credit for turning that in as an assignment in some douche photography class.
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!"
- Jargo
- christopher walken
- Posts: 912
- Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:45 am
- Location: Caitlin Jenner's discarded ballsack
- Contact:
Re: The Three Gay Bears
Whatevah!
I have never read any of your posts, but from what I can learn I should say that for people who like the kind of posts you deliver, they are just the kind of posts such people like.
Whatevah!
Osculum mihi asinum!
Whatevah!
Osculum mihi asinum!
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17767
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: The Three Gay Bears
I missed the eighth anniversary of this insanity.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!