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it was on a night like this...

Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 12:03 am
by Zaphod
a night, almost sixty-seven years ago now, when i first made love to your father, senor jabbajohnl.

the rain poured down onto the window of the 83 chevy trans am we drove to and from the salt mines to our quarters in the gulag. we had spent the past thirty hours or so in the dark of the siberian mines, digging out salt for kruschev's personal french fry chef. to pass the time, we had often pretended one of us was katie holmes, though we had never made it beyond third base.

the midnight sunlight (since this was siberia, and, as yakov smirnoff taught us, everything is backward there) glimmered in his golden locks, making him look quite a bit like a woolly mammoth. i could not deny my passion any longer. i kissed his knuckles, and, before i knew what had happened, my seed dripped down his thighs from his ass much like john f kennedy's jizz once dripped from marilyn monroe's chacha.

it was a beautiful night, a night like no other. sure, he would soon meet your mother at a protest against totalitarian bagels, but, for that one evening, as we held our naked bodies together, he was mine. he had been absolutely straight prior to our incarceration in the salt mines, but our love had turned him gay. super gay, even. super gay with a cape and everything. he marched in gay pride parades as "assfaggotfuckman" and even fought crime for a while in detroit, personally arresting jerry springer no less than forty times.

ask him, if you would, if he still thinks of the love we shared, that love that was destined to run dry even as we noticed we had run out of caffeine free diet coke.

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 3:10 pm
by Zaphod
of course, years later, i went to visit, and saw your mother, your father's lovely "love platypus" as he called her.

the attraction was instant and irrevocable. we knew we were made for one another, and met secretly for a tryst at the zoo. we both wore kangaroo costumes and made passionate love in the kangaroo enclosure, sparking heated debate and scientific inquiry among schoolchildren and kangaroologists alike. for days, we made constant kangaroo-style love, filling the enclosure with our bodily fluids and only stopping to drink cans of tab that we swiped from elderly ladies.

finally, it had to come to an end. your dad texted your mom and said, "god damn it, ruthie, you said you were going out to get milk and it's been a week! i don't know how to change little jabbajohn's diapers and we're knee-deep in shit." i bid your mother a fond adieu, and think of her every third friday, when reruns of becker air on the local cbs affiliate.

next time you talk to her, tell her i still have her can opener.

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 6:07 pm
by Alex Trebek
oH, YOU'RE THAT zAPHOD? hEY BUDDY, HOW'S IT GOING?

:D

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:28 pm
by Geoff Peterson
In your pants!

In your pants!

In your pants!

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:41 pm
by Senor JabbaJohnL
Like they haven't already told me this story countless times . . .

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:50 pm
by Rollo Tomassi
Sixty seven years ago?!?

Jaesus, John. How old ARE you??

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:00 pm
by anarky
Shit, JJL, that was about the most beautiful response to this weirdness imaginable. I bask in your glory. Just let me know so I get out of the way before I bask in your afterglow.

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:14 pm
by Zaphod
i'll get around to telling the stories about your mom and dad next, anarky. my nuts still itch whenever i think of that time i buttboned your dad in a poison ivy patch until your mom ran up naked and squirted calomine lotion out of her tits. i still have no clue how she did that. but she always was good at making weird things come out of her snatch, like the time she hid the keys to the spruce goose in there once so we could take a joyride on it, so doing something similar with her tits should have been no surprise.

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:46 pm
by BurgerKingInDaUSA!
Ha! He's joking about fucking your moms. That's funny. Because no one wants to imagine the Hamburglar fucking his or her mom! :lol:

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 5:05 pm
by anarky
Zaphod wrote:a night, almost sixty-seven years ago now, when i first made love to your father, senor jabbajohnl.

the rain poured down onto the window of the 83 chevy trans am
Wait a second.

1983 was 34 years ago. And you posted this a while back. How the hell did you have access to an 83 Tran--

Holy shit, Zaphod is a wizard!

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:25 am
by Tom Foolery
anarky wrote:
Zaphod wrote:a night, almost sixty-seven years ago now, when i first made love to your father, senor jabbajohnl.

the rain poured down onto the window of the 83 chevy trans am
Wait a second.

1983 was 34 years ago. And you posted this a while back. How the hell did you have access to an 83 Tran--

Holy shit, Zaphod is a wizard!
Not gonna lie, that was the first thing I noticed about that story, also.
And once I find an internal logic snafu in a story, the rest of it becomes white noise to me.
It’s the same when I notice a plot hole in a movie.

Re: it was on a night like this...

Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:46 pm
by anarky
It's not a logic snafu.

It's fucking magic!!