The Bionic Ass

[kidhuman]

But What If the Device Falls Into the Wrong Hands?

http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/nw091227.html



A 55-year-old British man whose bowel was ruptured in a nearly catastrophic traffic accident has been fitted with a bionic sphincter that opens and closes with a remote controller. Ged Galvin had originally endured 13 surgeries in a 13-week hospital stay and had grown frustrated with using a colostomy bag until surgeon Norman Williams of the Royal London Hospital proposed the imaginative operation. Dr. Williams, who was interviewed along with Galvin for a November feature in London's Daily Mail, wrapped a muscle transplanted from Galvin's leg around the sphincter and attached electrodes to tighten or loosen the muscle's grip. [Daily Mail, 11-10-09, 11-13-09]

[anarky]

Who's going to post first, Turdeto or the Phantom ManAss? And how long until they post?

[The Phantom ManAss]

Little do you all know, but Galvin is actually an apprentice I've been grooming for quite some time. Everything is proceeding according to my vision. This anus will be a POWERFUL ally in the defense of the Brown Side of the Farts. The precision that these electrodes lend to Galvin's bowels was heretofore unheard of. He will be able to fart the wings off a fly from 50 paces, given the proper training.

A small aside, but it's interesting to note: This was the same procedure used on Darth Vader's anus after that problem with the lava. He truly is more machine now that man, down to the process to relieve himself.

[bIZZARO tHE gRIP]

oH HO HO! tHEES ESOUNDS MUY MUY DANGEROSO! iF sENIOR gALVIN ESNEEZES WHILE HE ES TAKEING EET IN ZEE RUMP HE COULD VERY WELL ESLICE OFF ZEE WANG.