cool blue boxesmacabreindustrialsturmmondrian
you are here >> > sloths!!! > fanmail!!!
enter your email to sign up for my newsletter!

The Official Sloth Email Webpage

here's some emails i got from totally cool sloth fans! the names have not been changed to protect the innocent, as no one is innocent due to original sin. that's what jesus told us...


hey, your web site on sloths is so awesome! I'm totally obsessed with sloths and monkeys. i even got my brother into the obsession! it all started last year when i was first obsessed with monkeys. And i was first introduced to the animal sloth. at first i thought the sloths were evil and would soon be defeated by the monkeys in their epic battle. but i soon found the errors of my ways and sloths and monkeys are equally matched. if there was a battle who would triumph over all monkeys or sloths? okay i think you need to make a web site about killer monkeys too. i love the sloths to death but if there was a showdown between monkeys and sloths who would win. i mean monkeys have a better advantage because sloths are so slow. one day either monkey or sloth will rule the world!



WHOA! your name is all futuristic and stuff... what are sloths like in the future? are the super-intelligent? do they wear spectacles? if so, are they bifocals... trifocals... progressives???

anyway... sloths versus monkeys. well, no contest! sloths! look at those claws they have!!! all monkeys have are prehensile tails and poop throwing - nowhere NEAR the algae growing prowess of sloths.

so there you have it, future-boy, sloths by a long-shot. although, you being in the future and all, you tell us... you probably have a better idea of what's going on with the whole sloth/monkey conflict.


Hey Frank,

My buddy IMed me your totally sweet Sloth website. I am also obsessed with sloths and their laid back ways (2 toes, 3 toes, I don't discriminate). I used to have a pretty crappy website called the Page of Infinite Sloths which had this collage I made 6 years back of random sloths I found on Google Image search. Thought you might be able to find a home for it. Keep up the good fight.

totally kick-ass sloth collage

-chris wu


Hey chris,

what is IMed me? anyway, it's good that you don't discriminate. the 2 toed sloths have had to fight for nearly 200 years for respect in the sloth community. it's a shame. nice photo collage!


Hello Mr. Vin.

I am but a mere sloth. My Sloth companion and I randomly came accross your website pertaining secret sloth information. Therefore I have one comment for you: I WANT TO KNOW IMMEDIATELY HOW YOU FIGURED OUT THAT SLOTHS ARE FIERCE MASS MURDERING menaces!?!?!?!?

My question for are a genius!

Alright Vyn, all seriousness aside, its time to be frank... My name is Frank...

ok seriously now. We think its really cool that you love sloths, as do we...the lifestyle, the hygiene, the doing nothing all day, is just amazing, that we have become human sloths ourselves. We have started a movement and we know this movement will be a big movement, the largest movement in movement history of the entire time that movements have existed. THIS IS REAL!

some things we have started with within our movement, not limited to our movement:

- SLOTH FOR HIRE (1/2 price if you hire someone else to do the work)
- Single Male Sloth (SMS) who enjoys long sleeps, naps, being carried along the beach at sunset seeking any Female Sloth (MUST include at least 1 (one) person to carry her)
- NASA to send first sloth to outer space
- Miss Sloth America (Winner of 2000 was on a respirator - that mega sloth!!!)
- SLOTH United Nations (S.U.N.)
- Prechewed Sloth Food Mix
- ZZZzzzzz...zzz....z...
- and many (many?) more

Please reply back to us ASAP as well as add more to your website...Hope to see you at the next SLOTH CONVENTION.

SLOTH 1 / (slash) SLOTH 2

P.S. please take our survey (Be sure to answer only one letter):

A) you like sloths
A) you think sloths have super powers

A) you are my hero

P.S.S. you son of a sloth!!!


holy crap, this is the best email i ever got!!! (this one's going in the "save" bin!)



Dear Sir/Madam,

LETTER OF ASSISTANCE pls reply to my private email box {} I write this letter of assistance with a great sense of honour and responsibility in care of SADIQ MOHAMMED. The decision to write to you was arrived at after a critical consideration of its urgency and the severe pain/terror my entire family had gone through with the present Civilian Government of Nigeria after the death of my husband. I am Dr. (Mrs.) Mariam Abacha, wife of the late Nigeria Head of State, General Sanni Abacha, who died on the 8th of June 1998, while still on active duty.I am contacting you in view of the fact that we will be of great help to each other and also develop a cordial business relationship in the near future. Since the strange and unfortunate death of my husband (may God's mercy be upon him), the government has turned against my family and myself. At first, I thought it was a normal interrogation from my husband's enemies but I was proved wrong.My husband's closest associates have betrayed and deserted us and I no longer trust anyone of them.Therefore,I am requesting for your urgent assistance to help my family and myself have hope through my son( MOHAMMED) who will handle this transaction. We are going through severe hardship, myself are under restricted movement by the Federal Government of Nigeria. The new democratic PresidentOlusegun Obasanjo has seized more than US$700,000,000.00 million Dollars already including landed properties and investment in Nigeria.You can find this out in news watch of 7,8,15,21 of year 2000 on website or Tell of 24th July 2000 on website very much know that I am under surveillance by the Federal Government of Nigeria, so I have been making all my contacts through my son without the Government agents' knowledge.

I currently have within my reach the sum of Twenty-five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($25,500,000.00), which I intend to use for investment, like Real Estate Development specifically in your country. This money came as a payback contract deal between my late husband and a Russian Firm on our country's multi-billion Dollars Ajaokuta Steel Plant. The Russian Partners returned my husband´s share of US$25,500,000.00 before his death and was lodged in my husband's Security Company of which I am a Director, the new Civilian Government have intensified their probe on my husband's financial and oil company. In view of these, l acted fast to withdraw the US$25,500,000.00 from the Company's vault and deposited as family treasure in a Security Company in foreign country for safe custody. I have since declared my husband's Security Company bankrupt. No record ever existed concerning the money traceable by the government because there is no documentation showing that we received the money from the Russians. Due to the current situation in the country concerning government attitude towards my family, it has become quite impossible for me to make use of this money within, thus consent I shall expect you to contact me urgently to enable us discuss in detail about this transaction.

Bearing in mind that your assistance is needed to transfer this fund from the security vault which is not yielding any profit to your account. I proposed a percentage of 25% of the total sum to you for the expected service and assistance, 5% for offsetting minor expenses incurred in the course of this transaction and 15% will be used for investment probably in your company. Your urgent response is highly needed as to stop further contacts. All correspondences must be by the Telephone and Fax numbers or e-mail address above. I must use this opportunity to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this matter extraordinarily confidential whatever your decision while await your prompt response.

Best regards,



what the hell does this have to do with sloths???


Ok, What the hell? I agree with you on one thing sloth are awesome, however, sloths do not freak out and kill anyone, you moron!



oh, won't YOU be sorry when they start to gnaw on your genitalia!


your website abouyt sloths has made my day. Was having a pretty shit one but that has all changed. Thankyou.

Did you know that in prehistoric times there were giant sloths?

i suppose that these giant sloths moved to another planet or solar system altogether along time ago when they realised there superior intelect. This is the only reason i can come up with for why i have never seen one.



your email abouyt giant prehistoric sloths made MY day! THANK YOU! there you go, sloths bringing people together...

awww, yeah i totally saw one of their skeletons in the museum of natural history! they are sooooo huge! i figured they had moved to another planet or something to that effect as well... i had no other good idea as to why they weren't around anymore, either... thanks for backing up my theory!


I saw your page on Real Ultimate Power (sloths) and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world! A few weeks ago I stumbled across the original one about Ninjas and I think that your version is absolutely perfect! (But I'm biased ­ I've had an obsession with sloths since I was 13!!!) I think your page is great... keep the power of sloths going! They are the best animals and most people know nothing about them.

A proud sloth-lover,



i know it's the greatest thing in the world, but what are you talking about with the "original one about ninjas"??? and only since you were 13??? man, i've been a fan of sloths since i was a zygote! poser!


you should link to our site, as we are linking to your site (because sloths rock so much).





I would like to order a sloth tshirt from your sie, but cant seem to sign up. please help



well, first you need to go to my SITE, not my sie... no one can see my sie, my mom said it's only for a special person, or if i want to explore. then you can buy shirts and hats and stickers and such HERE. ROCK!


Dude, your sloth site kicks ass!



and your email about sloths is very concise!

Click HERE to buy cool sloth stuff!

(and by cool, i mean TOTALLY SWEET, of course, DUH!)

This page inspired by

proud to boast! valid xhtml1.1 / valid css2