I AM NOT GAY!!!!
Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 10:35 pm
So there I am, sitting outside of my local retail store. I'm wearing a neat perriwinkle polo (with the collar popped of course!), a pair of freshly pressed khakis and a fabulous pair of loafers that I picked up at Express last week (can you say SALE!). I decided to stop on my way to workout with Dirk, my personal trainer, to see if perhaps the Naboo wave had arrived. I also needed Nair.
That's when I see her. She was wearing a pair of sandals that I just HAD to have and I could tell that she visited a tanner regularly and I, getting sick of the "bunny tail" that I've developed, NEEDED to know where she got such an even brown tone. As I approached her, she gave me a look that I can only describe as lust. I decided to make my move and posed my question as smoothly as possible: "So, girl, where did you get those FANTASTIC shoes?! They make your little tootsies look DARLING!" At this point I knew I had her.
We talked for a few more minutes. In this time I found out that she was, can you believe it, a girl AND a Star Wars fan! She also has a penchant for gay men in denial, but that seemed more of a "playing hard-to-get" tactic than anything else. We proceeded to the action figure aisles and, lo and behold, there was the entire Naboo wave! On top of that, the had about 550 (EACH!) of the army builders. I filled six carts that she helped me push over to the health and beauty section so I could get my Nair. I decided that while I was there I should be a bad boy and get that mudbath I've been promising myself so I did that too!
She mentioned that she had some shopping to do so I asked if I could accompany her and, not to my surprise, she said yes. So me, her and my six carts of Naboo soldiers proceeded to the women's department. Here's where the story gets good: She started asking MY opinion as to what she should buy! She said her boyfriend (which I think she made up as a sort of test to me) really liked this one low cut top they had there, but I HAD to say no to it. It was SOOOOO gaudy and showed off way too much of her bosom (which was quite ample, I must say). I guided her towards a conservative pantssuit a couple racks over and told her how becoming it was on her and how it's mauve tones REALLY accentuated her eyeshadow. Though she said she valued my opinion because I seemed to REALLY know alot about fashion, she opted in the end for the top her boyfriend liked. I was a bit hurt, but things soon got better...
SHE INVITED ME OVER! By this point I was giggling and jumping around in excitement! Would it be a sleepover with other girls? A Mary Kay party?!? Tupperware?!?!?!?! I gave her my number and gave her a kiss on each cheek before we parted ways. She's supposed to call me tomorrow with a date and time. I'm SO excited, you guys, that I ate a WHOLE pint of Chunky Munky all by myself tonite! I'll have to do some extra time with Dirk, I guess, but we always seem to have a good time during our workouts.
I'll make sure I keep you guys posted, since I know you're all jealous because you've never met a girl before. That's why I felt compelled to post it here. It's not a desperate cry for attention or a need to prove my heterosexuality. I hoping to have an honest discussion about the fact that I met a GIRL and WE are going to HANG out and possibly have SEX in her VAGINA. And if she decides not to go that far, I respect that, and I will give her one of my famous backrubs while she tells me all about her horrible boyfriend.
but if that failes i will suck some little boys ding dong. lol i burned myself good bich!
That's when I see her. She was wearing a pair of sandals that I just HAD to have and I could tell that she visited a tanner regularly and I, getting sick of the "bunny tail" that I've developed, NEEDED to know where she got such an even brown tone. As I approached her, she gave me a look that I can only describe as lust. I decided to make my move and posed my question as smoothly as possible: "So, girl, where did you get those FANTASTIC shoes?! They make your little tootsies look DARLING!" At this point I knew I had her.
We talked for a few more minutes. In this time I found out that she was, can you believe it, a girl AND a Star Wars fan! She also has a penchant for gay men in denial, but that seemed more of a "playing hard-to-get" tactic than anything else. We proceeded to the action figure aisles and, lo and behold, there was the entire Naboo wave! On top of that, the had about 550 (EACH!) of the army builders. I filled six carts that she helped me push over to the health and beauty section so I could get my Nair. I decided that while I was there I should be a bad boy and get that mudbath I've been promising myself so I did that too!
She mentioned that she had some shopping to do so I asked if I could accompany her and, not to my surprise, she said yes. So me, her and my six carts of Naboo soldiers proceeded to the women's department. Here's where the story gets good: She started asking MY opinion as to what she should buy! She said her boyfriend (which I think she made up as a sort of test to me) really liked this one low cut top they had there, but I HAD to say no to it. It was SOOOOO gaudy and showed off way too much of her bosom (which was quite ample, I must say). I guided her towards a conservative pantssuit a couple racks over and told her how becoming it was on her and how it's mauve tones REALLY accentuated her eyeshadow. Though she said she valued my opinion because I seemed to REALLY know alot about fashion, she opted in the end for the top her boyfriend liked. I was a bit hurt, but things soon got better...
SHE INVITED ME OVER! By this point I was giggling and jumping around in excitement! Would it be a sleepover with other girls? A Mary Kay party?!? Tupperware?!?!?!?! I gave her my number and gave her a kiss on each cheek before we parted ways. She's supposed to call me tomorrow with a date and time. I'm SO excited, you guys, that I ate a WHOLE pint of Chunky Munky all by myself tonite! I'll have to do some extra time with Dirk, I guess, but we always seem to have a good time during our workouts.
I'll make sure I keep you guys posted, since I know you're all jealous because you've never met a girl before. That's why I felt compelled to post it here. It's not a desperate cry for attention or a need to prove my heterosexuality. I hoping to have an honest discussion about the fact that I met a GIRL and WE are going to HANG out and possibly have SEX in her VAGINA. And if she decides not to go that far, I respect that, and I will give her one of my famous backrubs while she tells me all about her horrible boyfriend.
but if that failes i will suck some little boys ding dong. lol i burned myself good bich!
i need it 2 pick up sailers at the gay bar, lol!
