the vynsane asylum

obama is a dick, but i cannot vote romney/ryan. paul ryan is a motherfucker. how do i know this? one night when i was in high school, i was up late playing video games, and then i heard some sex sounds from the master bedroom. i thought my parents were at it, which is just fucking nasty unless you're bob saget and into that shit. then i heard the front door open. i went into the hall to find my dad standing in the front entryway. my mom must've heard the door, too, because there was a thumping noise. "honey, i'm home!" said my dad (because he was an announcer at michael vick's dog fights and got home late a lot). she screamed, and a scrawny naked man ran past me. i'll never forget what my mother said: "GOD DAMN YOU! YOU'RE NOT MY BELOVED ZAPHOD'S DAD!! YOU'RE THAT MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH PAUL RYAN!!!"

so vote obama. because he may suck, but at least he won't bang your mom.