the vynsane asylum

Feel free to add anyone else to this list as you come across them.

Today's entry is Douglas R Hughes, a Republican running for governor in California who, thankfully, has no chance in hell. Among other things, he proposes to deal with the financial crisis by eliminating regulations altogether and eliminating taxes altogether for large corporations. He also proposes to build not one, but three, fences along our "boarder" with Mexico. He also believes all homeless people fall into three categories (which, apparently, are divided equally into thirds): mentally ill, drug addicts, and lazy people who are homeless because it's an easy life. He proposes not to house or help them, but to put them to work as street sweepers in exchange for (no joke) coupons for free breakfast at local restaurants.

He would dismantle the educational system, declare each school to be its own district (hmmm, how to decide who goes where if the schools are all totally autonomous? does he not realize that they compete for funding?), and have the parents hire the teachers. That should go well.

He'll also require 90 day premarital counseling (by the state, I guess?) to issue a marriage license, and prevent anyone from marrying if they haven't been engaged for a year. Not sure how you verify that, since it's not like you file your engagement with the county, nor how he'd deal with the massive outflowing of money to Vegas when people go there to get married.

I could not make this up if I tried.

The best of all, well, it can be found here. I hate pedophiles, but his proposal is completely batshit insane. Take an existing, uninhabited island that's part of both the state park and national park system. Make it a self-sufficient pedophile colony. (I'll bet the National Park Service would just be crazy about this plan.) Pedophiles (and I'm assuming he means registered sex offenders; his website was written by a seventh grader, I think) have the option of A) staying in jail for the rest of their lives, B) leaving California forever ('cause, hey, it's far to just unload your sickos on the rest of the country, right?), or C) living on this island. The island colony would be started by pedophile judges, police officers, firefighters, park rangers, construction workers, and farmers, to start things off. They have to come up with a constitution, which has to be ratified by the state of California. (I swear, I am not making this up. Honest. Check out the site yourself.) Then the other pedophiles can go. They can never leave the island. (That ought to satisfy human rights organizations if there are no modern hospitals there.)

The especially rich part about the island thing: if you opt to go there instead of going to another state, you can't change your mind! You're stuck on the island.

Oh, and, apparently, the guy honestly thinks you can get a green card through a credit card issuer. I swear. It's on his site. Look around--it's got to be the current "unintentionally funniest site on the internet."

Sometimes I wish life were a video game. Much like when you play GTA4 and purposefully shoot a bunch of cops at the UN building just so you can see how much mayhem you can cause on a 5-star wanted rating before you inevitably get shot to death, you could get this guy elected to see what kind of havoc would be caused until its inevitable conclusion.

Then you could just go back to your last "save" point and continue life normally.

Fuck, somehow I missed his "Oil and Nuclear" page, which doesn't mention anything to do with nuclear anything. This quote is symptomatic of his site:

Oil was put on earth by our creator as a gift for us; some will say oil is a false gift, and a deficit to our planet. I say to them, if the good Lord, did not want us to have oil, he would never have put it here for our use. This does not mean that we should not keep our air as clean as possible, for when you burn oil, you create smoke. Another gift the lord gave us was the sun, the mountains, and the environment. And if you have enough smoke boxed in with a gas called “ozone” that is caused by rain, the sun will cause ozone to change and becomes smog. Smog is bad for you. The creator gave us brains and we came up with the Cadillac converter, it re-burns the smoke.

Where do I begin? Do I even need to? I'm sure you're all smart enough to know that ozone is not caused by rain. I'm sure you all know that "catalytic" does not equal "Cadillac." Nor is this how a catalytic converter works. And that is not how you use commas.

OMFG and people can VOTE for this guy?

"smog is bad for you m'kay?"

I am very seriously considering becoming a fan of this dude on Facebook, so I can ask just one or two very, very basic questions. Like "who decides the district boundaries in the event of an inevitable dispute between two schools who are now autonomous districts unto themselves and want as many students as possible so as to get the maximum federal funding?" Or "will the state have the power to override the curriculum voted upon by local parents if it fails to meet the federal standards?" Or how about "how will you convince the federal government to give up federal park land to use for your 'pedophile island'?"