the vynsane asylum

...got all uber-anal about all sorts of shit the way they do about Star Wars? You know, the way dorks have to give everyone a name, a backstory involving how he's a former Stormtrooper trained as a Jedi and now working as a bounty hunter and was Lando's next door neighbor, and also explain every fucking line of the movies?

What if they were that way about, say, Muppet Babies?

Could you imagine the long rants on forums with topics like: "Why did Gonzo love Piggy when they were kids and doesn't seem to even like her as an adult?"

Or the fanfics explaining how Skeeter either had a falling out with the rest or died, explaining why she's not in any of the "grownup" Muppet movies and shows?

How about Punky Brewster, where people wonder for pages and pages why the flying rat thing from the cartoon never saved anyone who was trapped in an abandoned refrigerator in the live-action show?

Or Alvin and the Chipmunks, where people wonder why the fuck chipmunks are human-sized in the 80s. (You thought the "what the hell is Goofy" from Stand By Me was bad?) Maybe they could try to reconcile the continuities of all the various Chipmunk revamps over the past fifty years.

And, slightly off topic but related to stupid fanboys: I think the bio for the new Transformers Classics Cyclonus should read as follows:

Constructed from the cast-off chassis of deactivated DECEPTICON® warriors, CYCLONUS was programmed by UNICRON® to be loyal only to GALVATRON®. Powered by nuclear engines, and a small fragment of his creator's supernatural power, CYCLONUS wields enough might to sterilize the surface of an inhabited world by himself. He never unleashes this power without his commander's leave, however, and he focuses all of his energy on ensuring that GALVATRON® is obeyed without question by those under his command.

Oh, and Bombshell becomes Cyclonus. Cyclonus has always been Bombshell. There is no doubt in the collective minds of Hasbro that Bombshell is Cyclonus and Skywarp and the other Insecticons become the Sweeps. Megatron becomes Galvatron, Thundercracker becomes Scourge, and Bombshell becomes Cyclonus. So suck it, fanboys.

Another way to bug fanboys: release two identical robots who turn into cassettes, one red and one blue. Have the names on the package be "Rumble and Frenzy." Nowhere on the packaging or any official information do you ever identify which is which.

skeeter started out experimenting with drugs at an early age. by the time of 'muppets take manhattan' she died on the doorstep of a methadone clinic.

On that note, what the hell happened to Scooter anyway? He's been MIA since "The Muppets Take Manhattan".

Double_G wrote:On that note, what the hell happened to Scooter anyway? He's been MIA since "The Muppets Take Manhattan".

The Muppets may have taken Manhattan, but Mahnattan took Scooter.

Scooter got into his gogo dancing in a big way. ecstacy, coke, ketamine, anything and everything. he rented his peach fuzz foam ass out and caught cat AIDS. The industry closed it's doors on him after he tried blackmailing Tom Cruise and so he ended up a down and out in some LA back alley. Dementia set in and he married a newspaper vending machine. He tried for a come back but the doctors advised against it saying his foam rubber had perished too much and his flock was peeling. Last seen he was living in the sewers and in a relationship with Chester the rat.

You want the boring, real-world explanation?

When Jim Henson died, several Muppets were permanently "retired." I know it included Rolf, and may have included Scooter as well. I assume "retired" meant "sent to work for Disney's Korean animation sweatshops," where Rolf was soon eaten by co-workers.