WAR!!

[Mrs Funtime]

I am hereby declaring war on Aunt Harriet. That bitch stole the ribbon that should've been mine last year in the county pie bake-off!

Eat shit and die, bitch. And say hello to Susanne down at the hair salon for me. I've not seen her in two weeks. And still need to return that casserole I borrowed from you; do you want me to bring it over later?

[Aunt Harriet]

Oh dearie me! Haven't you heard? Susanne has been at her mother's in Abilene for the last two weeks. Apparently she "cooked her biscuits" in the oven for "too long". That man of hers, Albert, is such a pig. Gracious me!

And you can keep that casserole. Heaven knows what filthy diseases are crawling all over it what with all your whoring and the like, you tramp. Are we still on for bridge Tuesday?

[Double_G]

You two aren't going to Jello wrestle, are you?



Because if you're not, then I'm just wasting my time here.

[Aunt Harriet]

Tsk tsk tsk.

You poor young man. Your mother told us about you. Shameful. I'm glad my boys are such louses in the sack. Your mother said you give head like a hyperventilating woodchuck. She didn't have the heart to tell you because you were her own boy, but she's had better sex from old homeless men down at the rec center.

Oh, Marge, the reason I won the pie ribbon is because people prefer blueberry pie to herpes.

[anarky]

She didn't have the heart to tell you because you were her own boy, but she's had better sex from old homeless men down at the rec center.

Homeless Man responding in three... two... one....

[homeless man]

She can suck a dick like she is getting chicken from a bone

[Double_G]

Tsk tsk tsk.

You poor young man. Your mother told us about you. Shameful. I'm glad my boys are such louses in the sack. Your mother said you give head like a hyperventilating woodchuck. She didn't have the heart to tell you because you were her own boy, but she's had better sex from old homeless men down at the rec center.

Oh, Marge, the reason I won the pie ribbon is because people prefer blueberry pie to herpes.

You just made the hit list, you crusty old twat.

[Mrs Funtime]

Are we still on for bridge Tuesday?

I wouldn't miss it for the world, Harriet. I hope Lucille is going to be there; I found this dress pattern that will be absolutely darling on her little Maxine.

I'll bring the pecan pies if you'll be in charge of the mimosas. And please scrub out your snatch this time, you filthy cocksucker. Last Tuesday, the odor of week-old semen almost knocked me unconscious.

[Double_Gs Mom]

Double_G! You best listen to yo' Mammy! I beat yo' ass like yo' daddy should've if you don't stop arguing with my friends! I ain't putting up with none of this tomfoolery! From now on, when you post here, I'm gonna be on yo' ass like white on rice. And you best work on yo' technique; Mammy needs her oral pleasure, now boy!

[Aunt Harriet]

It's good to see you, Ophelia! Your boy has been the littlest monster in these forums, let me tell you.

Marjorie, the champagne will be no problem. Mister Wayne doesn't touch the stuff. That whole "alcoholic womanizing pedophile" thing is an act. I doubt he'll notice if I leave with whole truckloads of the stuff. And I know you can put that much away in an afternoon, you lush.

But the O.J. might be a problem. Can anyone else provide O.J. for the mimosas?

[The Grin]

Mrs. Funtime, Aunt Harriet, & Double_G's Mom,

I hope this bridge game doesn't interfere with any of your scheduled appointments with me.

[Slickers Mom]

I AIN'T NEVER BUILT NO BRIDGE BUT I SURE LOVES LAYING PIPE! CAN I CUM?

[Aunt Harriet]

Mrs. Funtime, Aunt Harriet, & Double_G's Mom,

I hope this bridge game doesn't interfere with any of your scheduled appointments with me.

You must be mistaken, dearie. I've never had any children of my own.

Don't worry, Santa Claus made the same mistake one Christmas, and brought gifts for my "children". We straightened things out, then I straightened HIS thing out.

[The Grin]

My apologies, ma'am. I heard you raised Dick.

[Double_G]

Double_G! You best listen to yo' Mammy! I beat yo' ass like yo' daddy should've if you don't stop arguing with my friends! I ain't putting up with none of this tomfoolery! From now on, when you post here, I'm gonna be on yo' ass like white on rice. And you best work on yo' technique; Mammy needs her oral pleasure, now boy!

Bitch, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll throw your black ass in a nursing home. And not the good kind. The bad ones like you saw on "Dateline".