movies are cool. here is a place to talk about how cool they are. or maybe how much they suck, sometimes. like that fucking piece of shit 'mac and me'. worst fucking movie ever, a two-hour ad for fucking coca-cola.
anarky wrote:18. Superman
Lex knows an awful lot about Superman’s powers (especially hearing) for them to have never met before
He knew that because of the interview that Superman gave Lois. The whole thing was in the Daily Planet, which listed all of his powers, if I remember correctly.
17. The Mask
One of those rare “better than the comics” deals. This may be the only movie in which Jim Carey was perfectly cast, and in which he doesn’t annoy everyone within five minutes. And, by casting him, the creators made a wise choice to play up the slapstick and play down the dark comedy of the original. (Imagine Jim Carey and dark comedy. Yeah, doesn’t work well, does it?) Oh, and remember when Cameron Diaz used to be smoking hot?
This makes me want to watch the movie again. The "Cuban Pete" bit was great.
This may not be the best animated movie ever, but the animation is the best of any cartoon I’ve ever seen. At Oscar time, this had better win based only on the Raph vs Leo fight. I don’t care if we got another gem from Pixar (by Brad “Animation God” Bird, nonetheless) or another installment of the over-the-hill Shrek megafranchise. TMNT was the best animated movie this year. And it stuck closely to the tone, if not the details, of the original comic. Even my wife loved it. She hates anything related to the Ninja Turtles.
4. Spider-Man 2
This is what Spider-Man should’ve been: close to the source material, but not so close that it ends up being predictable.
3. X2: X-Men United
Wow. This was the champion for a long time, and it still holds its own. Everything X-Men was, this is more of. The fact that Singer’s story arc about Jean and the Phoenix was so royally fucked up in X-Men: The Last Stand makes it... fuck, that pisses me off so much that I can’t even finish the sentence. It makes X3 look even worse, and now that I’ve gotten this far, I’m thinking of pushing it down further.
2. Superman Returns
I’ve flipped my opinion after re-watching both the top two. For Superman Returns, I’ll start by saying, “If you didn’t like this movie, fuck you. Fuck you up your asshole with a broken rake handle.” Now that all the naysayers are busy fucking themselves with a broken rake handle, I think we’re all in agreement, so there’s no point in singing the praises of this masterpiece yet again.
1. Batman Begins
There is nothing bad I can say about this movie. Absolutely nothing. It is perfection. Michael Caine not even getting an Oscar nomination for his spot-on Alfred ranks with Eminem’s Oscar win among the lowest points in the award’s history, and destroys what little credibility it had left. I’m hoping The Dark Knight is even half as good as Batman Begins. I’d rather have a longer wait for a great movie than rush something out; DC seems to have a better handle on this lately than Marvel. Sure, Marvel gave us some amazing movies in the past decade, and started the new trend of good comic book movies (first with Blade, and moreso with X-Men), but they’ve been churning out what looks like shit for a few years. Regardless of the problems within the comics, DC seems to have more respect for the characters and fans of late when it comes to making movies, and Marvel is going for quantity over quality. (What good does it do to have two or three movies in a year if they suck? And what fucking retard not only hires the moron who did Daredevil to do Ghost Rider, but thinks a story about a guy cursed to ride a flaming motorcycle as a flaming skeleton is a comedy? Ballkicks all around, Marvel!)
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
anarky wrote:2. Superman Returns
I’ve flipped my opinion after re-watching both the top two. For Superman Returns, I’ll start by saying, “If you didn’t like this movie, fuck you. Fuck you up your asshole with a broken rake handle.” Now that all the naysayers are busy fucking themselves with a broken rake handle, I think we’re all in agreement, so there’s no point in singing the praises of this masterpiece yet again.
I liked the movie a lot, but I can see the negative points of view. I mean, let's face it, throwing a rock into the sun isn't a good way to end a movie. But then again, neither is flying really fast around the world.
Chux, I assume you may edit your list, as I take it you'll be watching Spider-Man 3 soon now that it's out on DVD. And you may want to give the new "Fantastic Four" movies a rent. Sure, they're not great, but they're better than a lot of the superhero movies out there.
And I just realized now that I forgot to put Ghost Rider on my list. Better go do that now.
One thing's for sure. I know my list will change significantly next year when "Iron Man" and "The Dark Knight" come out.
yeah, superman returns was great, but DEFINITELY not #2 material. maybe #5. that said, i still think spidey 2 was better than X2, SR and BB. i still don't own SR on dvd, but have the other three.
I've got Spider-Man 3 on order from amazon, since the 2-disc set was cheapest there. Trouble is, their shipping has been screwy lately, and it's not supposed to ship until early December? WTF? Eh, I'm a fucking cheapskate; I'll wait.
I've been meaning to watch FF, especially as much as it's been on HBO, but haven't gotten around to it.
I refuse to watch Elektra. (I only watched Catwoman more or less by accident.)
I haven't watched Ghost Rider, either, despite the character easily being one of my favorites in the past. Between the insertion of humor (totally wrong) and the choice of director (the guy's done two other movies, both adaptations, and fucked them both up badly), it just looks so incredibly wrong that I'd rather not see it. Like Transformers. I'd rather see them not done as movies at all then see them done poorly.
A lot of what I like about Superman Returns is that it's the only comic book movie so far to take an existing character who's totally iconic and try to do something new and unrelated to the comic, while actually putting in the effort to make a great movie. It's an interesting blend of new and nostalgic. The plot isn't the strongest, but the emotional resonance is the greatest I've seen in any comic book movie.
I expect, based on the movies I know are in the pipeline, that Iron Man will rank high. Even though a lot of the recent Marvel movies have sucked, this one looks promising, and I've never cared much for the character. The Dark Knight I'm sure will be Top 5. Man of Steel depends on how it's approached (sequel or reboot are both rumored) and who's in charge. Incredible Hulk sounds abyssmal based on what I've seen of the script and heard from inside sources. Justice League I hope never gets off the ground without Routh and Bale--it's just wrong to have two different film franchises based on the same characters. Green Lantern I have high hopes for, but it's kinda like Transformers or Ghost Rider in that I'd rather see no movie than one that's less than stellar. (I always loved Green Lantern up until the pointless Emerald Twilight tale. It was well-told, but totally out of left field. Unfortunately, no amount of retconning can ever be anything other than blatant retconning.)
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
If you pre-order stuff, half the time they hold the entire order until the latest available item is in, and half the time they send it piecemeal. It makes no sense. The especially weird thing here is that I ordered it with Pirates 3, and they're shipping separately, but not until December. Odd. Maybe I can finally watch the frigging 300 DVD I bought months ago in the meantime.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
I checked them. They were a dollar more, plus I'd have to drive the 20 miles to one. Not collecting much SW anymore, there's not as much incentive to make that sort of drive.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
Consider Spider-Man 3 to be ranked at #44, pushing the remaining films up (down?) a notch.
Fuck me, that was embarassing. It did everything wrong that X3 did. It ranks lower, despite being tolerable for about half the movie, because it's the same guy at the helm! He nailed 1 and 2 perfectly, then apparently removed his brain to do #3.
Undermining the entire "my uncle died because I let his killer escape" aspect of Spidey's origin was unforgiveable.
Equally unforgiveable was the retarded Alfred knockoff. "Yeah, Spidey didn't kill your dad. I just didn't tell you that for the last several years while you've been on this self-destructive spree of vengeance." WTF? When the hell did this twerp clean Goblin's wounds? Spidey drops off corpse, Harry sees body, what, then Harry goes out to party and the butler comes in and doctors a guy who's already dead?
MJ becoming a total idiotic, inconsistent plot device? Yeah, I suppose that's unforgiveable, too. She goes from hating him to wanting to be with him to totally giving in to Harry's plan. The real MJ would've found a way to tell Peter she was under duress.
How about all these characters just not telling each other stuff? "Yeah, we've been out a few times since, and I just didn't mention I got fired from my play." Or "So, it's been a few weeks. I've talked to you on the phone. How did the proposal go? Wait, you didn't mention you broke up."
Eddie was a turd. Everything wrong, he brought on himself. There was none of the ironic, almost tragic "I was trying to do the right thing, and it all crashed down, and Peter Parker and Spider-Man were both incidentally involved in my downfall." Why did the symbiote act differently with both of them? More importantly, when the fuck did the symbiote learn that Sandman wanted to help his daughter? Spider-Man sure as hell didn't know it.
Venom was totally like Bane in Batman and Robin: a popular character thrown in, without any attention to what it is that makes him popular. The real Venom is interesting because he's going to escape from prison, give Aunt May flowers while Peter's visiting her, and mutter under his breath where she can't hear, "As soon as she's gone, I'm going to eat your brain."
And, uh, why was there absolutely no trace of Eddie's remains left?
Sandman was a waste. So this guy confessed to his cellmate that he murdered a guy in cold blood, when he didn't do it? Huh? He goes from wanting to help his daughter to suddenly being hell-bent on Spidey's death. What's with the constant "I don't want to hurt anyone" after he's just broken several cops' backs? A few times in the movie? Huh? Riddle me that. And then his hatred fades away again at the drop of a hat. Oh, and we're robbed of finding out what happened to his daughter after all.
Thomas Haden Church was especially wasted. God damn, he did some fine acting when it was him on the screen and not an effect that wondered over from the set of The Mummy.
And, holy fucking shit, I see what the complaining about the jazz club was all about. Fuck me gently with a splintered broomhandle. That was right down there with Bumblebee pissing on that dude. Sad thing is, had he been wearing a green mask and yellow suit, it would've fit right into The Mask.
Christ, I thought there was no way this could be as bad as people made it out to be. I was so wrong. I really wish I hadn't bought the 2-disc DVD before seeing it. I would've been happy forever with the final image of Spidey him swinging down the street after MJ realizes she loves him in #2.
It's only by the grace of God that Transformers came out in 2007 as well, because this would easily be the worst movie of the year otherwise. It's still a good deal better than that crap, since there were so many fine actors (Maguire, Dunst, Cromwell, Howard, Grace, that dude who plays Harry, that dude who plays Jameson, and especially Church) who obviously didn't know how much cock this movie would suck and handed in some fine performances, all things considered. And, visually, it was quite impressive, even if the first two spoiled me with actually including a story to go along with the eye candy.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
while i agree with all your points of weakness, i don't feel that they're as awful as you feel. mostly i think the flick suffers from some of the same things that happened in ASM with OMD - editorial influence. raimi already showed us that he can create awesome movies with this character and this world, but this time around i feel like avi arad really stepped in and forced some things on the writers - especially venom. with venom being shoehorned in forces it to intertwine with the other characters and such. over-all i think the theme of revenge/redemption was well played out, they just tried to stuff too much into the movie. i don't think it's nearly as bad as X3.
Like with X3, if not for the two movies before it, it wouldn't seem as bad. It was just "not nearly as good" for about the first third of the movie, but when it went downhill, it shot straight to hell.
Between the fucking of the X-Men and Spider-Man franchises, the planned fucking of the Hulk, the crapfest of Daredevil, and movies that look so bad I don't need to see them to confirm it (Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four, Elektra, etc), I'm not sure I want to see any more Marvel movies. I'm now officially worried about Iron Man, despite how good the trailer looks.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
Chux, while I respect your points of disagreement, I think you're nuts for ranking "Spidey 3" below the likes of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II" and "Howard the Duck" on your list.
