the vynsane asylum

Ok. I am at the doctors office this morning and their was a pregnant woman there. She is talking with someone and says:

I am going to have a little boy.


the first thing that popped into my mind was to look at her and say a little boy as opposed to what? A 18 year old? Its a fuckin given that it will be little. Fuckin Idiots.

*Giraffe sound*

When people call you at home and ask "Where are you?"

Fucktard. Where else could I be?

I don't like it when my brother throws apple juice on my pants and then asks in a really loud vooice if I peed myself so my mom looks at me. And then when I yell at him she tells me to not be so loud. She knows I didn't pee myself but I still have to go and put new pants on and my mom has to wash my jeans and she gets mad at my brother but she doesn't take away his NintendoDS or anything. If I had thrown apple juice on him I would have gotten it taken away.

This other time he buried one of my favorite Star Wars figures in the backyard and forgot where he buried it and my mom wouldn't let me look for it and she wouldn't make him buy me a new one with money from his stupid McDonald's job, but then later on he gave it back to me, but now its all dirty and the joints are stiff because there is dirt in it so its not my fovorite anymore. It was Greedo.

I hate when you go to a website and you are trying to fond where they said there was free stuff, but then they ask for your credit card to verify that you are 18. So if you aren't 18 you can't watch the free movie that they said was on there of something. I haveta go to the bathroom BRB.

Here's a good one. A foreign director was hired by one of the studios to shoot a pilot episode for an upcoming television show. He has an incredibly long flight across the Atlantic, and when he gets into customs, they ask him the nature and purpose of his visit.

"I'm here to shoot a pilot." is his reply <---THINGS NOT TO SAY IN AN AIRPORT


Needless to say, he spent the next several hours in a detention room trying to explain himself.

When I'm at work, I answer the phone and say, "Assessment Center" and people will respond with, "Hi. Um, is this the Assessment Center?"

So I'm like, "No, no this isn't. This is the Assessment Center. What you want is the Assessment Center. Let me give you their number."

And then I give them the exact number that they just called.

People are fucking idiots.

I love it when a girl tells you one month that she wants to marry you, then the next month she is fucking another dude. The things people say...