Top Summer Film of 2012

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I think it was game of musical bag of shit, and he's the scapegoat dujour that was holding the shitbag when the music stopped. His Golden Parachute will be more money than I see in 100 lifetimes, so I don't feel bad for him.

[anarky]

No.

He's Tonto.

Not that that's really any better.

[Ran]

Is it safe to assume Johnny Depp is part Native American? With everything being so p.c., I can't imagine anyone in Hollywood letting a white guy play the part of a minority.

[anarky]

I think he is.

But likely in the way that everyone in North Carolina claims to be 1/16th Cherokee. No more, no less. Can't all be right.

[Diabolical]

Is it safe to assume Johnny Depp is part Native American? With everything being so p.c., I can't imagine anyone in Hollywood letting a white guy play the part of a minority.

21
The Last Airbender
The Prince of Persia

[RoIIo Tomassi]

The early numbers are in. Avengers is on track to earn sooooo much money, roughly 60% of the entire planet's income, it will automatically win this year's contest. They said they will have to create a new word that ends with 'illion' to describe the amount of cash it rakes in. Because Disney will not have put that money back into circulation before DKRises hits, it will be fiscally impossible for Batman to earn Box Office that no longer exists.

[anarky]

Moviegoers will see a movie with Hawkeye and Thor, but not John Carter.

And they say that humanity is an intelligent race.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Sadly, the same company that made both films spent $400 Billion on printing out a flyer for every man, woman, child, goat, cow, otter, and bear in the world that said
"John Carter might suck. We don't know. Save your money."

Then they sat back and scratched their head about why the movie did dismal Box Office. Their Marketing team is schizo.

[anarky]

No shit.

I know I've mentioned it, but I STILL cannot fathom how no one at Disney said, "Yo, we should start every trailer with the following text: 'From the creator of Tarzan comes the latest movie by the director of Wall-E and Finding Nemo.'" Fuck. Everyone would've lined up without knowing shit about the movie. They didn't even need to mention Willem Dafoe plays the fucking badassest green Martian this side of J'onn J'onzz. Did you know he was in it? You didn't see that in a trailer, did you?

Having not read the books, I thought this was about an Earth human getting enslaved on Mars, where all humans are evil, and helping the green Martians escape slavery as a gladiator of sorts. Yeah, those ads really fucking missed the mark.

(BTW, it occurred to me that I really appear to be knocking Avengers. Not so. JC would be difficult to match, and I'm convinced, even with the partial misstep of TDK, that TDKR will likely be a better movie just because. Marvel's own movies, at least, have not been nearly as bad as Daredevil, or Fantastic Four, or, well, any of the shit DC movies. Like you said, how do you fuck up Jonah Hex?

Though if someone isn't thinking of adapting the Dysart version of Unknown Soldier in the wake of Kony 2012, that someone needs his ass fired.)

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Avengers is on track to be the first movie to crack $200M opening weekend. Yikes.

[Tom Foolery]

Avengers made more money in three days than Batman Begins did in its entire theatrical run.

And who thinks Battleship is going to make John Carter look like a stroke of genius? I'm giddy with anticipation for the inevitable "sunk" metaphors when that mega-turkey flops at the Box Office.

[Jargo]

Battleship has Liam Neeson in it. It's bound to flop. Neeson is fucking abysmal. Never known another actor so completely miss the mark with every character he's been paid to portray. Wooden and leaden are the words that spring to mind concerning his acting ability. He has like two facial expressions. And dead eyes. It's not even funny crapness like Mark Wahlberg's one note acting. Neeson is just nothingness. The grey was an apt title for a movie starring him.

Battleship is lumbered with Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård and Rihanna. Woo! Stellar casting.

[anarky]

I dunno; Neeson has been good in several movies. He was the one bright spot, acting-wise, in The Phantom Menace.

Taylor Kitsch is in Battleship? Wow, that poor guy isn't going to have a career left come 2013. John Carter may have suffered from shit marketing, but Battleship was his own damned fault.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Naah. He'll just have to do a gooey Nicholas Sparks film, a raunchy remake of some 80s TV series and host SNL and he'll be credible again. Worked for Channing Tatum.

[Jargo]

I dunno; Neeson has been good in several movies. He was the one bright spot, acting-wise, in The Phantom Menace.

That doesn't do him any favours. Nor did The A-team