Questions about DC's relaunch

[anarky]

Since Morrison took over, I've not questioned anything they do with Batman. Batman died when an asteroid hit the Earth around 2000. Unfortunately, Superman was unable to stop it, and the Green Lanterns couldn't do anything about it, either. It destroyed the entire Earth, and all the spacebound heroes were on Earth. Any story that takes place after this time is an imaginary fan fiction.

There's "shaking up the status quo" and there's "what the fuck are you doing, because this shit don't make no sense?"

How many secret organizations are there in the DC[n]U that are specific to Gotham City and/or Batman? And how many of those were concocted in the last five years or so? It's absurd.

Not to mention that, if this "Court of Owls" existed forever, then Bruce Wayne becoming Batman is not a coincidence, and why the hell did he pick the animal whose only natural predator is a fucking owl? That's like saying, "In order to combat the evil Mongoose Militia, I shall become Cobraman!!"

I'm really not a fan--aside from the stupidity of Thomas Wayne Jr--of the cloak and dagger bullshit. Batman is a guy who fights crime because his parents were killed in a random holdup gone bad. He tends to adopt kids who have their parents killed by mobsters or supervillains and turn them into Robins. He's not the unknowing dupe of some douche's nefarious, yet indistinct, plans who accidentally thwarts their plans to make guys into undead ninjas by turning them into Robins.

Seriously, this is getting stupid. Well, it's already stupid. It's getting to the point where, if the comics were people, they'd be drooling all over themselves.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

"Words fail me."--Tony Isabella, creator of Black Lightning.

You and me both, Tony. You and me both.

[Zaphod]

i've been buying all the new dc titles. even the shit by rob liefeld. you want to know why? because you'll notice one name not on the credits of any book: michael fucking golden. that piece of horse shit cum-guzzling gutterslut isn't doing anything for this company, so i support them wholeheartedly.

fuck michael golden. seriously. fuck him with a broom handle while you're sweeping the roof of the sears tower and use too much lube so the assfaced motherfucker monkeytwat shitsniffer falls off and splatters.

[anarky]

The first goal in introducing Lobo into the Deathstroke book was the necessity of creating a threat that could define and challenge Slade. DC wanted more pop, more urgency in the book. I pitched them the Lobo storyline, and they were very responsive. Rather than face other mercenaries, this puts Deathstroke up against a foe that he can't out maneuver as Lobo is an accomplished opponent in his own right. He has to go right through Lobo. We've seen Slade try to go toe to toe with him only to get pummeled by superior strength and ferocity. We've seen him use his arsenal, and ultimately he has to do what Slade does and that is out think him. It pushed Slade, reminded him that he shouldn't get comfy with his status as most dangerous hunter/assassin as there are threats he has yet to imagine and encounter. It also reveals another threat with Maxim and his organization, who were charged with holding Lobo these many years. And with Lobo, you will see that we expanded his story, gave him a love interest, Sheba, that means more to him than everything. I have big plans for Sheba as well.

Rob, go fuck yourself.

I cannot say this plainly enough.

Go. Fuck. Yourself.

I cannot begin to tell you what's wrong with this whole fucking paragraph, aside from "it came from the mouth of a guy who should never be allowed to 'write' a comic again." If you think introducing an organization charged with "holding" Lobo is a good idea, you are a moron.

If you think a love interest for Lobo is a good idea, you are a completely brain-dead piece of worm shit who has far less than no knowledge of the character aside from "he looks like one of those guys I visually ripped off twenty years ago."

Twenty years, Rob. You haven't earned a fucking ounce of respect. Time to go become a dogcatcher or something.

Also, the cover of the latest Deathstroke says, "Only one will survive!" (I'm guessing they edited out the "!!!1!!!!!" at the end.) Either that's a bullshit false claim, or it would be Lobo, since the book's not called "Lobo." Unless you're planning for Deathstroke to die and fight his way through Hell, but that's such a tired storyline that it counts as a bullshit false claim anyway. Given that you have "plans" for Lobo (that would probably be worse than death for him, anyway), I'm calling you out as making a bullshit false claim. Not that this would be the first time. Or the second. Or the three thousandth.

Seriously, I thank you for buying m'man a hot dog, but you really are a fool.

[Diabolical]

If you think a love interest for Lobo is a good idea, you are a completely brain-dead piece of worm shit who has far less than no knowledge of the character aside from "he looks like one of those guys I visually ripped off twenty years ago."

Go back to 1991 and pitch the idea of Joker having a real girlfriend.

Not defending the guy, but once in a while an idea that sounds retarded turns out good.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

A girlfriend?!?! What. The. Fuck.

Lobo is more of a metaphor for chaos and rage, and not actually a person.
I'm sure Alan Grant went out on his lawn and rolled around a bit. Since he's not actually dead yet, it was the closest he could get to spinning in his grave.


EDIT. Ok. I calmed down a bit. I really don't give a fuck anymore. DC Comics closed up shop a year ago as far as I'm concerned. They can torpedo every last character they have for all I care.

[anarky]

Granted, a girlfriend for Joker would've sounded insane twenty years ago. However, Harley's less a girlfriend in the traditional sense than a besmitten hanger-on who he treats like dirt. And her persona plays off Joker's clown shtick.

Lobo is another humorous character (when done right--he sucks hard when they play him straight), but there's not even the slightest element of whimsy in him, like there is with Joker. You run up against Joker, he will either kill you outright or he'll do something silly like stick his tongue out and call you names. You never know which. Lobo is more one-dimensional than Joker; the only question is a matter of what weapon he's going to use to cut you in half. He doesn't kill everyone he encounters, but he sure as fuck kills everyone who crosses him (even if it's just for being the same species as him). He has a gang, of sorts, but the only thing he holds dear are his dolphins. Liefeld described this Sheba as "mean[ing] more to him than everything," which is way different from the Joker/Harley relationship.

Like Rollo said, Lobo is more a metaphor given substance (in the DCU, at least). Giving him emotions beyond simple rage and the somewhat goofy love of space dolphins can't work out in any fashion I can imagine. I fear that Lobo will now be a henpecked pansy with Sheba calling the shots; it seems like the sort of thing Liefeld would find amusing--and it's the only thing that could come close to playing off Lobo's character in the way Harley does the Joker.

And Joker did have a history of girlfriends, of a sort, particularly in the 60s. The only woman he ever loved (if the story is to be believed), he only loved before his accident.

To put it another way: how many characters did Liefeld create who don't suck? And I'm not counting being the first to draw someone that another creator came up with (like Cable).

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Or characters that only became fun and interesting after another writer started writing them. Like Deadpool did under Joe Kelly. And then became unfunny again when Daniel Way started writing him. And hopefully will become funny again now that Brian Posehn has been tapped to write him.

But mostly his characters are just plain shitty and forgettable. Like that stupid robot from the future with an "O" on his face. That guy is gay.

[Zero]

But mostly his characters are just plain shitty and forgettable. Like that stupid robot from the future with an "O" on his face. That guy is gay.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

[anarky]

You owe yourself three bucks.

I only owed you three, which I paid earlier on PayPal. That second time, I used periods in there, so you don't get no more from me!

Rollo does have a point. I always figured the circle was a target for guys to shoot their jizz at.

[anarky]

Is it just me, or does it appear from Batman #12 (and I'm basing this entirely on previews, solicitations, and reviews) that someone realized the DCnU needed an Oracle and decided to create a new one?

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Having just bought a half dozen DCnU books, I'm flipping through them

What is up with Batwoman being so damn pale? Is she wearing, like, facepaint or something? And if she's really that pale, then she has the worst secret ID evah. It's like "Hey who is Batwoman?" "Oh, theres only one albino redhead bitch in all of Gotham. It must be that chick."

[anarky]

What I always thought would be awesome to do with Anarky, and they could do it now that he may or may not be in a coma anymore: he doesn't want to follow his father's footsteps, but he wants to show he's better. He just starts investigating the identity of Batman and all his accomplices with a vengeance. Shouldn't realistically be too hard; I know it's always this huge mystery, but, really, if anyone actually put some effort into it, analyzing all evidence, it wouldn't take too long. (Who can afford this gear? Who is the right build? Who has the motivation? The Batmobile goes back into Gotham County every morning; who on the list lives out there? In the real world, you'd probably already be down to Bruce Wayne, but, if not, the fact that he takes in a new ward every time there's a new Robin should seal the deal.)

(Tim Drake could figure it out. Which is supposed to show how awesome a detective he already is, but he's still a fucking kid. If a kid of any level of skill can figure it out, anyone who tries can.)

And then he just saunters into the Batcave. Looks at Batman. Stands there for just a minute. And says something like, "You stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours, Bruce." And walks away.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I'm not even sure anarky even exists in the DCnUniverse anymore.
I think a character that interesting and complex would frighten dullards like Johns and Harras. And certainly nobody on staff has the ability to write him. Seriously, Lobdell? Liefeld?
You're better off with him off DCs radar. They can't even write Superman and Batman properly. And those characters are Almost fuck-up proof. I say almost because obviously DC put a lot of time and effort into fucking them up. So it's possible. But you have to really REALLY try.

[anarky]

Good point.

Fabian Nicieza knew somehow the DCnU was coming, and tried to grant Anarky a mercy killing. He was doing what was right.





Nah, fuck that noise, Nicieza's a dipshit hack who sucks asscock when not writing New Warriors.