So there I am, sitting outside of my local retail store. I'm wearing a neat perriwinkle polo (with the collar popped of course!), a pair of freshly pressed khakis and a fabulous pair of loafers that I picked up at Express last week (can you say SALE!). I decided to stop on my way to workout with Dirk, my personal trainer, to see if perhaps the Naboo wave had arrived. I also needed Nair.
That's when I see her. She was wearing a pair of sandals that I just HAD to have and I could tell that she visited a tanner regularly and I, getting sick of the "bunny tail" that I've developed, NEEDED to know where she got such an even brown tone. As I approached her, she gave me a look that I can only describe as lust. I decided to make my move and posed my question as smoothly as possible: "So, girl, where did you get those FANTASTIC shoes?! They make your little tootsies look DARLING!" At this point I knew I had her.
We talked for a few more minutes. In this time I found out that she was, can you believe it, a girl AND a Star Wars fan! She also has a penchant for gay men in denial, but that seemed more of a "playing hard-to-get" tactic than anything else. We proceeded to the action figure aisles and, lo and behold, there was the entire Naboo wave! On top of that, the had about 550 (EACH!) of the army builders. I filled six carts that she helped me push over to the health and beauty section so I could get my Nair. I decided that while I was there I should be a bad boy and get that mudbath I've been promising myself so I did that too!
She mentioned that she had some shopping to do so I asked if I could accompany her and, not to my surprise, she said yes. So me, her and my six carts of Naboo soldiers proceeded to the women's department. Here's where the story gets good: She started asking MY opinion as to what she should buy! She said her boyfriend (which I think she made up as a sort of test to me) really liked this one low cut top they had there, but I HAD to say no to it. It was SOOOOO gaudy and showed off way too much of her bosom (which was quite ample, I must say). I guided her towards a conservative pantssuit a couple racks over and told her how becoming it was on her and how it's mauve tones REALLY accentuated her eyeshadow. Though she said she valued my opinion because I seemed to REALLY know alot about fashion, she opted in the end for the top her boyfriend liked. I was a bit hurt, but things soon got better...
SHE INVITED ME OVER! By this point I was giggling and jumping around in excitement! Would it be a sleepover with other girls? A Mary Kay party?!? Tupperware?!?!?!?! I gave her my number and gave her a kiss on each cheek before we parted ways. She's supposed to call me tomorrow with a date and time. I'm SO excited, you guys, that I ate a WHOLE pint of Chunky Munky all by myself tonite! I'll have to do some extra time with Dirk, I guess, but we always seem to have a good time during our workouts.
I'll make sure I keep you guys posted, since I know you're all jealous because you've never met a girl before. That's why I felt compelled to post it here. It's not a desperate cry for attention or a need to prove my heterosexuality. I hoping to have an honest discussion about the fact that I met a GIRL and WE are going to HANG out and possibly have SEX in her VAGINA. And if she decides not to go that far, I respect that, and I will give her one of my famous backrubs while she tells me all about her horrible boyfriend.
but if that failes i will suck some little boys ding dong. lol i burned myself good bich!
I AM NOT GAY!!!!
Moderators: Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons, Batman
I AM NOT GAY!!!!
Last edited by Antropov on Thu Sep 14, 2006 10:41 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Bizarro The Grin
- knightrider
- Posts: 342
- Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 12:58 pm
- Location: mAKING SWEET LOVE TO YOUR FATHER
i need it 2 pick up sailers at the gay bar, lol!-
captain funtime
- sloth
- Posts: 153
- Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 2:20 pm
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Ran
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 9078
- Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:46 pm
- Location: barking up the wrong tree
My Tycho parody:
i liek tycho he is kewl + his peinis taste good!! lol!!Go figure. I'm outside casino, wearing nothing but a powder blue tuxedo - convenient to put on when I just roll out of bed to check the casino in the morning. I haven't pooped yet. And I'm short on patience, as I want breakfast, but have to beat the bus load of senior citizens first. (as it turns out there were no keno machines I was looking for but they had a new video slot machine, along with the rest of the new games of those that I'd heard folks around here clamoring for, but I don't play any of those).
Anyway, I was the first one outside the front doors as I saw some of the old folks I like, and one I definitely don't get along with anymore, pull up. As I wait by the door, a skanky woman comes up and starts conversation with me. I'd say that woman around 48 years old or so, wrinkled and thin body, middle-length, dark blonde hair, smelled of cheap perfume.
I have no expectations, so I didn't care if I told her I was there to play keno before those blue-hairs did.
When the doors open, I said my good-byes to her and told the lady I had to run upstairs with the rest of the gang there (about 5 of the regulars or so) else I might miss out. Obviously I found no keno machines, as I already stated what they stocked.
So I was headed back downstairs when I saw that woman in the bar and I went back and said hello again. She then asked me to stay with her while she drank and tried on a really big sombrero.
She was here in Las Vegas from Bakersfield, CA to watch her nephew graduate from the black jack dealers academy.
She says she comes to Vegas for sex twice a year anyway.
She is out here for a 2 week duration as it stands.
I'm up front about my tiny member, and get this: She's donated one of her eye balls to a different nephew of hers who needed a transplant!
She drinks voraciously.
Not to her credit, she smokes.
She loves the Oakridge Boys (my concert is next month) and her father is personal friends with a roadie and a fan as well.
You'd never suspect this: but she works as a waitress in a roadside diner in California! She's trained and qualified on multiple cash registers. (She's a soft-spoken, not too smart, and grumpy older lady - hard to picture her with a menu - though she says kiss my grits!)
Anyway, I invited her to breakfast and gave her my phone number. I think she only wants me for my spare kidney and I won’t be surprised if I wake up in a bath tub full of ice.
What an interesting morning!
Though I didn't find any new keno machines, this will go down as one of my most memorable gambling experiences.
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Diabolical
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 7251
- Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:40 pm
- Location: Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.
No, I want to sit here and watch my cock get small. it fits in ur butt better if i do + i liek it in ur buttDiabolical wrote:Want to go to the Ragu festival?
YES! But you need to untie me from this four foot fucking rope, and I will need a little help getting down from the back of this pick-up truck.
