Transformers Movie - Live Action

[anarky]

Maybe a good director can come in and totally reboot it, but work from this point. To endear themselves to the humans, the Autobots rebuild themselves to have more "human-friendly" (read: G1) forms. (Riffing off "Stormbringer here....) A Decepticon mystic, Bludgeon, resurrects a long-lost Decepticon named Thunderwing who had developed a way to integrate Transformers with organic material. Unlike Stormbringer, he did not go nuts, but it did make him really, really fucking powerful, and he's been locked away in unspace for millennia. He rewards Bludgeon and his followers (the cooler and cooler-looking Pretenders: Skullgrin, Bomb Burst, Carnivac, Stranglehold, Iguanus, Bugly, and the components of Monstructor, along with maybe a couple of cool, obscure non-pretenders like Banzai-Tron, Weirdwolf, Ratbat, and Mindwipe, maybe even Scorponok, using the name Lord Zarak since they fucked that name over already) by integrating them with organic systems. This makes them really, really fucking powerful. They come to Earth to kick ass. They do so. As they're about to defeat the Autobots altogether, everyone discovers, when a legendary Autobot general named Grimlock arrives on Earth with his Dynobots, that Bludgeon inadvertently awakened a long-dormant race known as the Quintessons. Autobots and Decepticons must put their differences aside temporarily (when Thunderwing and Bludgeon are both taken out of commission, and Zarak is in charge) and fight the Quintessons. But it turns out the Quintessons were just the tip of the iceberg. An entire motherfucking planet larger than Jupiter is seen rapidly approaching Earth, and maybe (since the series is really farfetched already) it intercepts Neptune on its way in and just eats the shit out of it. (I don't need to say where this is going, do I?) In the massive motherfucking finale, Optimus Prime must integrate the Allspark with the dead Thunderwing's organics, giving him the power to defeat Unicron utterly. And providing him and the remaining Transformers with organic components as well. "The Touch" plays loudly.

Prime promises the humans that they will finally be left in peace. But he swears that the Autobots will always be available if any of the other Decepticons scattered across the universe return. (The names Jhiaxxus, Galvatron, Liege Maximo, and Lord Straxxus come up.) He and the other Autobots fade into the sunset... where we see them take on their new alt-forms. We zoom in on a gorilla, and hear a voiceover from Prime. Fade to black as the classic Transformers theme begins.

[anarky]

BTW, is the score the same "generic LOTR knockoff" bullshit with occasional Linkin Park tracks? I never got the people raving over the score to either previous TF film. I kept hearing cues from other movies, where they were handled better.

[vynsane]

so, did they not call it 'dark side of the moon' because of the pink floyd album? 'dark of the moon' just sounds so awkward... reminds me of norm macdonald making fun of 'for love of the game' by calling it 'for love of game'...

[Diabolical]

Letterman kept calling it "Transformers: Sit in the Dark."

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Dark of the Moon" might be in reference to how we are introduced to Sam's Victoria Secret model. Since we have a tracking shot of her ass for a full thirty-forty seconds before we see the rest of her. And then throughout the film, various characters (John Malkovich, Partick Dempsey etc) ogle her ass. And she dresses in a manner that no other women in the world, no matter how hot would dress in a real job. So she's not a character in the film so much as shes eyefuck candy.

[Newsbot]

Another installment of the "Transformers" franchise is officially on the way, whether Shia LaBeouf wants to be a part of it or not.

The actor, who has starred in the series since 2007, said while doing press for the third film, 2011's "Transformers: Dark of the Moon," that he wasn't interested in battling the 'bots again. (His co-star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, on the other hand, has been game to come back.)

Paramount announced the fourth installment on Monday, confirming that filmmaker Michael Bay will be back in the director's chair.

Once Bay is done with "Pain and Gain," a movie about a group of bodybuilders who go on a kidnapping, extortion and murder excursion in Florida, he'll get to work on the fourth "Transformers."

The statement didn't mention which actors will be part of the next installment, but we already have a release date: June 29, 2014. Are you excited?

[anarky]

No. We are not.

But thank you for asking.

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm excited. But then, I was thinking about Megan Fox assaulting Rosie Huntington-Whitely with a strap-on while their baby oil covered breasts smoosh into each other.

[anarky]

The Hub aired the 1986 movie last night. The UK release from a few months after the US version, with profanity cut and the voiceover ensuring kids that Optimus Prime would return, but, still, mostly the same movie.

It always boggles my mind how much better this movie is than any of Bay's movies. It's a 90-minute cartoon that was tossed together to sell new fucking toys, based on a series of 30-minute, rather crappy, cartoons also tossed together to sell toys. It even explained to kids in a clumsy way why they couldn't buy the old toys anymore. They betrayed the entire concept of "robots in disguise" by making the new characters turn into spaceships and hovercrafts, moved the series into the future, and moved the focus to Cybertron. They got a bunch of unknown hair metal bands to record the soundtrack.

And, yet, it's a classic. Partly due to the voice talent, partly because of the insanely good animation. And partly because I suspect one or more of the writers wanted to get a better job and showed off by putting far effort into this extended toy ad than was necessary.

Michael Bay--who, to his credit, has actually done a few enjoyable films--and Steven Fucking Spielberg got actors like John Malkovich and John Turturro to appear. They hired ILM to do the effects. They brought Peter Cullen on as Optimus Prime. Although Hasbro and Paramount wanted to sell toys, that didn't appear to be the main goal of the filmmakers. And it sucked.

Again, it boggles my mind.

[anarky]

Have I mentioned this week how much I loathe Michael Bay?

http://collider.com/michael-bay-hugo-we ... rs/204436/

So, Hugo Weaving, who only a dipshit would argue isn't at least a good actor, was offered the role of Megatron in the movie. He accepted, knowing nothing about TF (though I find it really hard to believe there wasn't a brief conversation with someone that consisted of "I was offered a role in Transformers. Megatron, I think the name was. What can you tell me?" "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DUDE!!!! He's one of the two most important characters and one of the greatest villains of all time from anything!!"). He never got a full script, read his (approximately five minutes of) lines without going on set, never met the director, and was never told what the context of his lines were.

And he regrets taking it without knowing more, given how it was handled overall (because it was "only" a job), but stressed that he didn't hate or hold anything against the experience or anyone involved.

If Michael Bay had the slightest shred of artistic integrity, or even if he stopped directing shitty movies tied together by explosions and mediocre power ballads to learn what the word "artistic" means, instead of going off on one of his patented insult-sprees, he'd say, "Y'know, the guy does have a very valid point here."

Hugo Weaving has only been in three movies that are as shitty as Michael Bay's, and that's because they actually were Michael Bay's. Even the Matrix sequels at least tried to have a story, even if they didn't pull it off well.

[vynsane]

wow. bay must be a romney fan with how fast he whips out the "super-rich guy who mentions the common man" card from his GINORMOUSLY ENGORGED WALLET. hugo weaving mentions he had little to no connection to the work he did for "dark of moon" and bay screams "WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE MIDDLE CLASS???"

wtf? you have enough money to hollywoodsplode your house, film yourself slowmo-badass-no-reaction-walking away from it (possibly while nonchalantly taking a puff from a cigarette), and rebuild it twice the size every year. go fuck yourself.

[Zero]

THAT'LL BE THREE DOLLARS, CHUM.

[Ran]

I had to take a work truck into the shop today to get a battery. So I'm stuck in the waiting room with whatever channel they had on. Sure enough it was the Kelly Ripa talk show. It was worse than Vogon poetry so I did my best not to pay attention to it. Anyway, I think they said something about Mark Wahlberg being in the next Transformers movie.

[anarky]

Yup.

Unfortunately.

Time was, I would've said neither a Mark Wahlberg movie nor a Transformers movie could suck. I've been proven wrong many times.

[anarky]

I found this by accident a few minutes ago. No idea who's responsible for it. Yeah, those G1 forms would look totally silly if rendered realistically, wouldn't they?

Fuck you, Michael Bay. Fuck you up the ass with a fucking train engine.