Transformers Movie - Live Action

[Diabolical]

Oh, and Megan Fox. I seriously think I'd pay for dinner if we went out.

Wow, you must REALLY like her!

[anarky]

I'll agree Megan Fox is damned hot.

I just don't get why it is that some of these starlets (like her and Jessica Alba) get so much attention and so many roles based just on being hot, when there are plenty of actresses who are just as hot, just as willing to let their cleavage hang out, and can actually act!

[Slicker]

I'll admit that she is indeed not the greatest of actresses but I guess people just wanna see a pretty face instead of good acting.

[Diabolical]

I'll admit that she is indeed not the greatest of actresses but I guess people just wanna see a pretty face instead of good acting.

It's not her face I wanna see...even though that part is nice.

[anarky]

In porno, yeah, I don't care about acting. But in a real movie, why not pick someone who's equally hot and actually seems like she at least finished the first week of a seventh-grade drama class?

[Newsbot]

Director Michael Bay announced a third "Transformers" movie will be hitting theaters on July 1, 2011 -- and not 2012 as originally thought -- on his web site on Thursday. And he also took the opportunity to further his war of words with his star, Megan Fox, by telling her to consult with a doctor before getting on board.

Fox originally drew Bay's ire while promoting this summer's "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," when she said that "working with Michael Bay is not about an acting experience." Bay responded, "She says some very ridiculous things because she's 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do." Most recently, Fox compared Bay to "Napoleon" and said she and costar Shia LaBeouf "almost die when we make a 'Transformers' movie... He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do."

In this latest blog post, Bay writes, "Megan Fox, welcome back. I promise no alien robots will harm you in any way during the production of this motion picture." He goes on to say, "Please consult your Physician when working under my direction because some side effects can occur, such as mild dizziness, intense nausea, suicidal tendencies, depression, minor chest hair growth, random internal hemorrhaging and inability to sleep. As some directors may be hazardous to your health, please consult your Doctor to determine if this is right for you."

Now, some of you may say "Hip-hip-hooray! We don't have to wait as long to see the new Transformers movie!" The rest of you are probably thinking "Joy! Get it over with sooner rather than later."

[anarky]

Fuck, you guys ain't going to believe this. I was outvoted by a large margin when it came to picking tonight's movie, and saw TF2. I have to say, it was much better than the first.



As I said elsewhere, though, that's sort of like saying a kick in the crotch from a ballerina in slippers is much better than a twenty-minute bout of crotch-stomping from Michael Clarke Duncan wearing steel-toed boots. Most of what was better was visual, where it was easier to follow things. The plot made not a single fucking bit of sense, but at least I could follow the mess visually, and Megatron and Starscream actually talking English, and acting a smidgeon like they're supposed to, was a major improvement over the first.

My favorite moment of the night, from my not-too-bright sister-in-law:

Me: "How did that happen?"
Her: "How did what happen?"
Me: "Jetfire ripped his heart out, and suddenly all his parts just magically fly over and attach to Optimus Prime?"
Her: "Well, if you don't know, then you must not be a Transformers fan."

I've learned not to even retort to her comments like that. It's more a brick wall situation than anything in the Pit.

In summation, TF2 is much better than TF1. It's still shit, but it's more "God damn, a bird shat on my head!" as opposed to "Motherfuck, I just fell into a randomly-placed vat of rancid cow manure that's so deep I'm in shit up to my mouth."

[vynsane]

which is funny, because it's the direct opposite stance that like, 98% of all humans share.

still have yet to see either one.

[Slicker]

TF2 is actually on right now.

I'm the complete opposite of Chux. I liked the first one but I'm not a big fan of the second one. I never followed the cartoon or any of that so I went in as if this was the first Transformers show of any kind made.

[anarky]

Slick, I didn't say I was a fan of the second. I just said it was less shitty.

[Slicker]

ahhh...my bad. Didn't mean to offend you.

[Newsbot]

Those Idiotic, Jive-Talkin' Robots Won't Be Back in 'Transformers 3' After All

So much about "Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen" was horrible that picking a least favorite moment is like choosing between your children, if you kinda hated your children. But you really can't fall much farther than "Mudflap" and "Skids," the "urban" robots that, as The New York Times' Manohla Dargis' rightly said, "have been given conspicuously cartoonish, so-called black voices that indicate that minstrelsy remains as much in fashion in Hollywood as when, well, Jar Jar Binks was set loose by George Lucas." Director Michael Bay defended Mudflap and Skids (who, in the year 2009, had gold teeth and bug ears), claiming, "We're just putting more personality in. I don't know if it's stereotypes -- they are robots, by the way. These are the voice actors. This is kind of the direction they were taking the characters and we went with it."

But even Bay is smart enough to avoid more controversy while he can, claiming Monday on the official Michael Bay fan board -- oh, by the way America, there are Michael Bay fan boards -- that the twins will not appear in "Transformers: Dark of the Moon."

A fan blog tried to get fired up that Bay was lying, with reports that new and "improved" versions of Mudflap and Skids were seen on the set yesterday, but they have the date wrong on the post; the post they're referencing is more than a year old. So it looks like there will not in fact be awful stereotypes of African-Americans as portrayed by robots from an alien planet in the third "Transformers" movie. In Michael Bay's brain, perhaps this is considered progress.

I believe the most surprising thing about all this is that Michael Bay has a fan board. And if I get casted for Teletran-1, I am so out of here.

[anarky]

I haven't cared much about spoilers, since I don't give a shit, but I read that Shockwave kills them both very early on.

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wait. So Shockwave is the hero in this one?

[Rollo Tomassi]

I went to Dark of the Moon today. In IMAX 3D. ( it wasn't true IMAX, just that IMAX theaters talk about when they project the film on the biggest screen they have. But it was in 3D. i had glasses and everything.)

I have to say it was big. BIG. Dumb. And at 2 hours and 35 minutes way too fucking long. But, of the three films, this one is the best. Of course, I thought the other two were swimming pools filled with dogshit and used HIV needles. So being the winner in that Trilogy ain't hard.

There is still way too much stupid human humor. People like John Malkowich, Ken Jeong(what is it with this guy being in everything? Thank god Laserbeak kills him early on), and Alan Tudyk join John Turtorro and Sam's parents in providing low brow humor throughout. Okay, Tudyk gets a pass because he's awesome.

Most of the TFs are still indiscernible from each other. You can tell them apart this time around from all the product placement stamped all over their shells. There is a Target-Bot. Lowes(?)-Bot. Home Depot Bot? None of these Autobots have any actual names I could decipher in the film, collectively referred to as 'The Wreckers' and having one-dimensional personalities (one guy is an "Oi! Crikey!" Aussie.) Leonard Nimoy is the tits as Sentinel Prime, and halfway thru the film he gets even cooler. All the other 'Cons are indistinguishable from each other. I kept forgetting one of them was Soundwave everytime he was onscreen because rather than give him a distinct blue with gold highlight color scheme, all Decepticons are gunmetal grey.

SPOILERS
The plot is taken directly from "The Ultimate Doom" as they try to haul Cybertron (which looks cool) to Earth via a Space bridge. Sentinel Prime goes bad halfway thru the film by killing Ironhide and announcing he had a bargain with Megatron all the way back during the Cybertrom War. Lots of Transformers get killed in this one, including all the Decepticons. Starscream goes out like a bitch after Sam shoots and stabs his eyes out and then Josh Duhamel and the other humans blow him up. Laserbeak and Soundwave get killed by Bumblebee (who also killed Ravage in part two, so he's got a mad-on for the Cassettes yo.) Prime pretty much fucks up everybody else. he kills Shockwave. Sentinel cuts Prime's arm off. Megatron betrays Sentinel. Optimus rips Meggy's head off, and then puts a Cybertron shotgun up to Sentinel's head and pulls the trigger. So if there's a fourth film, they're gonna need Ratbat or somebody to come in and be the badguy. This one they went through their whole box of tissues.

We are introduced to the new eye candy VS model chick via a 3D tracking shot of her underwear covered ass climbing the stairs in nothing but a dress shirt and she climbs on top of Sam in bed.

Sentinel Prime giving a "Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." had me chuckling. Probably the only person in the theater who got the reference.

There is lots of stupid WTF moments in the film just like the first two, but the big ass final battle is just so epic in 3D it was a fun to watch. Even though it dragged on a little too long.

My scores for the three films are thus.

Transformers D
Revenge of the Fallen F-
Dark of the Moon C-

If you're gonna see it, see it on the bigscreen. Otherwise its not worth it.