G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

movies are cool. here is a place to talk about how cool they are. or maybe how much they suck, sometimes. like that fucking piece of shit 'mac and me'. worst fucking movie ever, a two-hour ad for fucking coca-cola.

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RoIIo Tomassi
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by RoIIo Tomassi »

Saw Retaliation today. While not being anywhere close to the perfect Joe movie I envision in my head, it's light years better than RoC. Objectively, I couldn't give it much higher than C+/B-

Totally agreed in Firefly. That's gotta be one of the best entrances in a movie ever.
I found it weird they kept using Arnold Vosloo's face, but he wasn't actually in the film. Even though he got screen credit and (I'm assuming) a paycheck.
You could totally tell the extra 'Duke/Roadblock' scenes they wedged in. But they work. The video game scene was kinda funny.
I had to look at the credits to see what 'other' Joes were in the movie. The kid from Jurassic Park played a Sniper named Mouse. Uhmm? Why not Lowlight?(other than the fact he dies in the beginning and they wanted LowLight for a future installment.)
Clutch was in it apparently, but I don't remember him.
And the only reason Grunt stuck out to me was because Ryan Hansen was playing him and his one line in the film. Hansen, as fellow Veronica Mars fans will know, played Dick Casablancas. And you should all watch Veronica Mars because it was an awesome show.

My nerd alarm went off when the opening 'visuals' sequence introing all the characters had Flint listed as a Sergeant. He's a goddamn Warrant Officer, bitches!

If they're moving forward with more sequels, they kinda diminished their supply of villains in this one. Unless recast, Baroness is out. Destro is out. Zartan and Firefly are done. Who's left? The Crimson Twins? Third stringers like Scrap Iron and Bludd? Heaven forfend Serpentor??
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Diabolical »

RoIIo Tomassi wrote:And you should all watch Veronica Mars because it was an awesome show.
And should be an awesome movie!

I have nothing relevant to GI Joe to say.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by anarky »

Chu said Major Bludd was a strong contender for #3.

Mindbender cameoed in and was apparently killed in the first, but they could say he survived the explosion.

Baroness, I don't think could ever work in this universe again.

Destro is most likely dead, but there's a 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,003 chance he survived.

The Crimson Twins might work. When done right, they're awesome. Cobra's legitimate face. Might be cool to have Cesspool as the apparent corporate face of Cobra, while Tomax and Xamot are so far off the radar that they're a real threat no one knows about.

Darklon has become a real threat in the ARAH comic, and he has family ties to Destro. He could want revenge. But no casual fan remembers him.

Serpentor could work if done like the IDW comics, but I doubt it would go over with most moviegoers. Crystal Ball, on the other hand, might work as a cult leader.

Only other real possibilities would be the Dreadnoks.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by RoIIo Tomassi »

The thing about Destro is, since he was permanently 'masked' now, Eccleston wouldn't have needed to come back. As such, in 'movie plausibility' they could easily bring him back.

I think Cobra works best when there's a bunch of conniving backstabbers jostling for the #2 spot.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

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It occurs to me that there's a way they could bring back the Baroness without bringing her back. Say the POS from the first movie was Chameleon.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Ran »

anarky wrote:Chu said Major Bludd was a strong contender for #3.

Mindbender cameoed in and was apparently killed in the first, but they could say he survived the explosion.

Baroness, I don't think could ever work in this universe again.

Destro is most likely dead, but there's a 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,003 chance he survived.

The Crimson Twins might work. When done right, they're awesome. Cobra's legitimate face. Might be cool to have Cesspool as the apparent corporate face of Cobra, while Tomax and Xamot are so far off the radar that they're a real threat no one knows about.

Darklon has become a real threat in the ARAH comic, and he has family ties to Destro. He could want revenge. But no casual fan remembers him.

Serpentor could work if done like the IDW comics, but I doubt it would go over with most moviegoers. Crystal Ball, on the other hand, might work as a cult leader.

Only other real possibilities would be the Dreadnoks.
A couple weeks ago, I was reading some posts on Hisstank and they had a way to bring back Baroness. Can't remember the details. It had to do with a connection she had with one of the Joes.

Cesspool is currently working in Arkansas.

You are correct. I don't remember Darklon.

As a casual fan, I don't see how the Dreadnoks alone could take on the Joes. My perception is that they are a biker gang and I don't see how a gang could take on the US Military. Well, maybe in some scenario similar to Renegades where there are only a handful of Joes without much equipment.

Since you didn't mention Stormshadow, I'll assume he is out of the picture.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by RoIIo Tomassi »

If you're familiar with Stormshadow's backstory in the original Comics mythology, the movie does a decent job of mirroring that. So his status at the end of the film is....go see the film.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Stormshadow »

I saw this today. Can I just state for the record that shit where I get trussed up like an Eskimo baby in a papoose during the mountain fight never happened.
And I would never ever ever put on Nathan's smelly bondage costume. Even to break into a top secret prison to rescue the boss. That's just nasty.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by anarky »

So, Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness were both available for pre-order at Walmart BEFORE they came out in theaters. (For IM3, they actually had a display that simply said, "You know you want it." Which isn't what I'm hearing about that movie. But I digress.)

Some sources are reporting a July 30 release date for Retaliation. But there's absolutely no official confirmation. Nothing on the FB page (which is the opposite of the official TF page, which is a great go-to source for all incarnations of TFs). Even Amazon simply says they'll ship it when available, and has no date listed.

So, let me get this straight. We officially live in the era where you can order the DVD or blu-ray before the movie hits theaters. Retaliation came out, what, four months ago? It was supposed to come out almost a year ago. And they can't even tell us when the fucking movie comes out to enjoy at home (skipping RZA's parts, of course... I kid; you can't skip those without missing some good Storm Shadow bits), which is likely less than two months from now?

Add to that the insane distribution problems, the lack of product, the cancellation of every good TV series, and the way fans begged for IDW-based toys and we got them... for Transformers, who look pretty much the same with minor changes. Look me in the face. Tell me, without laughing, that G.I. Joe hasn't become the redheaded bastard stepchild of Hasbro. If you can, you are the king of the fucking liars.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by anarky »

Explain something to me:

If anyone says anything negative on a public internet forum about the Transformers movies, they're accused of being too attached to the original series (even if the complaint has nothing to do with it, like "the story was like what a 5-year-old in a coma shits out onto his bedpan").

But they post a picture on FB of Lady Jaye to hype (finally) the blu-ray/DVD release, and most of the comments are bitching that she has long hair, since the original version had short hair.

Is there some rule that's different here?
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Tom Foolery »

Nope. The rule is: People on the Internet bitch about everything.
EV.
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THING.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Diabolical »

Saw Retaliation the other day.
Just a little less "Meh" than the first.

Too disjointed with logic/plot holes bigger than The Dark Knight Rises.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Tom Foolery »

Diabolical wrote: Too disjointed with logic/plot holes bigger than The Dark Knight Rises.
I call that bluff. DKRises had WAY bigger plot holes.
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Ran »

Diabolical wrote:Saw Retaliation the other day.
Just a little less "Meh" than the first.

Too disjointed with logic/plot holes bigger than The Dark Knight Rises.
So you're saying it is very similar to the 80s cartoon version?
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Re: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

Post by Ran »

GI Joe 3 is delayed so they can make Jem.

http://www.slashfilm.com/jem-movie-g-i-joe-3/
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