i read sarah palin's book

books are important. a dying art. please, please, let me know that there are still people out there that read more than just magazines.

Moderators: Batman, Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons

User avatar
Posts: 297
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:56 pm

i read sarah palin's book

Postby Zaphod » Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:32 pm

no shit. i was in k-mart last night looking for vasoline, boots, live goldfish, and cheese dip (it's a long story... remind me to tell you some time) and i found it on a pallet by the electronics section. i pulled off a copy to look at and an employee told me it wasn't supposed to be available until tuesday, and i said, "roy, shut up, or i'll tell your mom that my brother used to sell you pot and you'd smoke it instead of going to class and she'll kick your ass out of the basement." he let me read it.

i was surprised by the lack of stupid spelling errors. someone must have edited the book for her, and i imagine that was a major endeavour. one of my favorite parts was her describing the joy she felt when she welcomed her first child into the world:

It was a blessing when little Bristol came into the world, don't you know? At first, I wasn't too excited, because she didn't match a single pair of shoes that I own. And then I was angry at the First Dude, because it wasn't five minutes after Bristol came out that I caught him in the bathroom, performing illicit and possibly satanic actions with his mouth upon the distorted black member of a rather creepy-looking white fellow who talked in green letters.

But then the very next day, don't you know, there was a knock on the door of the governor's mansion, and there was a grinning man standing there. He took me in his arms, explained that it was his job to make sweet love to all the mothers of the world, and then he undressed me and laid me down in the bed. Was it good? You betcha! I found out later I caused an international incident, because the Russians heard my screams of delight and thought I was a new weapon on my way to Moscow when I screamed, "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" I apologized to Todd when I found out his new friend was the counterpart of my new beau, and just doing his job. But I made it clear: on the campaign trail, I'd still call him the First Dude, but, when the bedroom doors shut, he was most definitely the Second Dude.

When I learned years later that Bristol had broken the commandment about not touching naughty bits before marriage, I confided in her that, though she was most certainly doomed to spend eternity in Hell, Levi Johnston had done her the greatest service he could have in making sure she, too, would know the joys of loving The Grin for as long as she walked the Earth.

i was especially surprised to learn that palin had been governor for so many years.

User avatar
sometimes not actually existing
Posts: 16967
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
Location: Fucking shit up, yo!

Re: i read sarah palin's book

Postby anarky » Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:43 pm

This may be the first post by Zaphod I've ever read that didn't make me want to take a long, hot shower afterwards.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

User avatar
Mrs Funtime
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2005 7:08 pm
Location: USA

Re: i read sarah palin's book

Postby Mrs Funtime » Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:20 pm

So, Roy's found himself a job at K-Mart now? Maybe now that lowlife bum can pay his back child support like Judge Judy told him to!

Return to “literature”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest