children's books

books are important. a dying art. please, please, let me know that there are still people out there that read more than just magazines.

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children's books

Postby Zaphod » Fri Mar 06, 2009 1:39 pm

i always wondered about clifford. where does he shit? does it take the girl all day to clean up his shit? does he stay away from other dogs because it takes them an hour to sniff his entire ass? when they go on vacation to washington, does he see the lincoln memorial and start humping its leg?

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Re: children's books

Postby unlimitedpudding » Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:25 pm

Clifford is too big to do the Lincoln's leg. The only leg big enough for him to hump would be the Statue of Liberty. He would probably sniff around and make his way over to the Washinton Monument. When he lifts his leg to pee on it, the piss would roll down the hill and end up overflowing the reflecting pond. Can you imagine Clifford humping the Capitol Building and his big red dog dick pops through Nancy Pelosi's window?

Clifford probably doesn't shit because that family can't afford to feed him.

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Re: children's books

Postby anarky » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:53 pm

I don't think this is exactly what this was started for, but some news for vyn:

In the $1 section at the front of Target, they have four different Spider-Man board books. The villains are Vulture, Rhino, and Doc Ock (no villain in one of them). No artist is named, but the pictures are fully painted, and looked pretty decent. Strangely, Carnage is listed on the back as a trademark, though I didn't even see a mention of him in any of the four.
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Re: children's books

Postby vynsane » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:01 pm

haha... maybe they photoshopped carnage and all the murder out of the fourth one, and that's why there's no villain.
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Re: children's books

Postby anarky » Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:53 pm

They had some more kids books, Spider-Man and Friends. These I passed on. They're $1 each, and list some virtue on the cover (like "Friendship and Loyalty" or "Manners"). However, the content is a bunch of pin-ups and lists of the characters' powers. Honestly, "Friendship and Loyalty" had a page devoted to Thor that just said he had a big hammer and controlled lightning. There's no connection between the mini-bios and the values the books purport to be about. I really think they stuck the values on the front to get people to buy them for kids without reading them. Even to me, it seemed like shameless advertising.

Back to Clifford, why was he the only giant red dog? Why wasn't there some other genetic freak out there, maybe an evil Clifford?
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Re: children's books

Postby Ran » Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:28 am

anarky wrote:Back to Clifford, why was he the only giant red dog? Why wasn't there some other genetic freak out there, maybe an evil Clifford?


The evil Clifford is only in the Clifford EU. In one story, dinosaurs are still around, but only on the back side of Clifford's island. Clifford and Evil Clifford end up fighting over the carcass of a brontosaurus.

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Re: children's books

Postby anarky » Thu May 20, 2010 1:08 pm

I am not going to let my daughter watch the Clifford cartoon anymore.

The theme song includes the lines:
"Clifford needed Emily, so she took him for her own
And her love made Clifford grow so big--"

I think we can leave it right there.

And there was a bad dog (because there are often extra dogs on the island who only appear for an episode) who is getting Clifford into trouble, and tells him, "Keep on digging, Clifford! You might find a big bone in there!"

Disgusting and inappropriate for children.
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Re: children's books

Postby anarky » Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:33 pm

My daughter's latest "sight-word" book from school is called "Bootscooting." It's copyrighted 2000, which I'd say was a full decade after that shit died out, but folks who line dance to country are always at least a decade behind, so I guess it wasn't. Still, if the point is to memorize words by sight and not, at this point, to learn phonics, I have to question the value of words like "bootscooting" and "bolo." (I've had to explain to her that a bolo is a tie that looks pretty cool in theory, but, in reality, are only worn in Texas by very sad dudes (literal dudes, in this case) who think they're cowboys and wouldn't know a cow if it bit them on the ass.)
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Re: children's books

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:22 pm

'Bootscooting' is a sex term. I just decided that. Feel free to make up the definition on your own.
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Re: children's books

Postby Ran » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:31 pm

Bootscooting: Sexual position where involving two cowboys. The receiver stands on a wooden floor, bends over, and pulls down their pants to their boots. The giver approaches the receiver from behind and begins thrusting. The force of the thrusts cause the pair to scoot across the floor until climax or they change positions.

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Re: children's books

Postby anarky » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:45 pm

Off-topic, but I think every country music fan, particularly one who listens to that watered-down "adult contemporary with a fake Southern accent" bullshit, who pretends to be a cowboy should be, as soon as time travel is invented, transported back to the 19th century and forced to be a real cowboy for a few months.

There'd be a lot fewer morons with cowboy hats, that's for sure.
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Re: children's books

Postby vynsane » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:10 pm

anarky wrote:I've had to explain to her that a bolo is a tie that looks pretty cool in theory, but, in reality, are only worn in Texas by very sad dudes


i'm pretty sure they wear them in new mexico and arizona, too, right? or did movies make that up?
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Re: children's books

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:18 pm

You n00b. There's no such thing as 'off topic' around here.

So, was Dick Grayson Batman while he was like 14 years old in this new continuity?
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
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Re: children's books

Postby anarky » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:24 pm

vyn, that was 100 years ago. Texas is currently 100 years ago.

And my butt itches.
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Re: children's books

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:26 pm

The cheeks or the hole?
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie


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