GIJoe

comics rock. talk about them here. now. or just go to the "corn" section and wack off. i'll understand. i'll just sit here and read my spider-man comics.

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anarky
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Post by anarky »

No dedicated Joe thread? Arrrrgh!!

Picked up #21 yesterday. No reason to make it a silent issue; it didn't have nearly the resonance of the original #21. It could easily have been the last three pages of the previous issue. Overall a letdown, and the first issue of the main GIJoe title to disappoint. And next month Serpentor's back? I spent fifteen years trying to block out the memories of that tool. Maybe Blaylock's right to jump ship at #25. I can't imagine how Sergeant Slaughter and Fridge Perry can be far behind.

Unless they clone Serpentor and have the ninjas all kick him in the dong until he dies from the pain. That'd be cool.

Serpentor has flagrant disregard for the military's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy.
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

Yeah, why exactly does a terrorist organization need an Emperor? And Serpentor never actually dealt with the Original Cobra Commander, did he? Only the Fred series clone in the Cobra Armor...Having Serpentor have a "chat" with Zartan will be interesting.

"That arrow in my face hurt, dick."

"Kiss my ass, you poorly concieved Hasbro marketing tool. Shut yer piehole, or I'll shoot another arrow in it."
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Post by anarky »

What I could never figure out is why Cobra Commander one day woke up and said, "Hey! I'm going to clone a rival from the DNA of a bunch of dead conquerors."

I think Serpentor dealt very briefly with the real CC, but I'd have to double check. I can't remember at what point he was shot in the back and replaced.

I can overlook Larry Hama using Serpentor and Sergeant Slaughter. Hasblow told him to. But Blaylock would only use Serpentor if he wanted to.

Serpentor was a pretty cool toy, though, I'll give him that. My friends and I never had him as anything more than a nutso advisor to Destro and CC who thought he was a super-clone.
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

I busted off Serpentor's helmet, so mine was always this ugly misshapened head guy. Blaylock needs to get Serpentor out of his system, both for himself and for whatever fans out there who also want more of that big fruity. It was inevitable.
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

They need to bring back that goofy dreadnok Zanzibar on his gay little floating jetski...what a queen.
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Post by anarky »

I'd take an army of Zanzibar over Serpentor, especially since I think he popped up in the Zanya origin story.
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Post by anarky »

I went into the future a couple of years, bought all the issues of GIJoe, and am posting brief synposes (synopsises? what the hell is that plural?) here:

#23: While Serpentor consolidates his power, Zartan is sent to find Firefly and re-recruit him. Unfortunately, Zartan is behind on his laundry and is forced to wear his neon outfit from the early 90s. Upon seeing Zartan's orange mohawk, Firefly feels nostalgic and pulls out his green suit with the funky baseball cap dealio. While the Joe team enjoys the seeming quiet, Snake Eyes and Scarlett break up and make up twelve times.

#24: "It's a Cobra-Full Life." In this Christmas special, Cobra Commander wonders what life would be like if he was still a used car salesman. An angel appears to him and shows him how wonderful the world would be. Being pretty twisted, CC reaffirms his terrorist ways and shoots the angel, leaving him for dead.

#25: Dr Mindbender, Destro, Storm Shadow, and Cobra Commander all dust off their gaudiest costumes and Cobra mounts simultaneous attacks on all cities named Springfield. Hawk decides that the older costumes are better, so he orders all personnel to pull their '90s costumes out of storage.

#26: Snake Eyes is captured by Cobra Commander when his blue hockey mask blocks his field of vision. Storm Shadow tries to free him, but is still confused by his brainwashing and ends up dropping battery acid on his face, again hideously scarring it.

#27: "Snake Eyes' Origin: Part II." To honor the origin of Snake Eyes from the original #27, eight variant covers adorn this issue. While sitting in a Cobra hospital, Snake Eyes reflects upon his past, most particularly the time when he and his twin sister bought a lemon from an unscrupulous used car dealer, which broke down on the way to the orthodontist, who tried to brainwash his sister.

#28: Ninja Force is reformed when Storm Shadow escapes Cobra and tracks down the former members, who are working at various gas stations. Together, they free Snake Eyes just before a full-scale GIJoe assault team arrives.

#29: The Joes whomp up on Cobra in yet another massive battle that really solves nothing. Well, except for the fact that the Crimson Twins kill Hawk as the Joes leave.

#30: To replace Hawk as the team leader, the Jugglers bring in newly-promoted General Slaughter. Slaughter beats up his teammates a few times, and a mysterious stranger bursts into Cobra Headquarters.

#31: "The Return of Fred VII." To complicate the tension between Cobra Commander and Serpentor, a forgotten figure from the past, the second Cobra Commander, attempts to take over. While verbally sparring with Cobra Commander, Fred VII reveals the truth: the man now posing as Cobra Commander is not the original Cobra Commander, but a Crimson Guard named Ralph XVI. The original Cobra Commander is now an insurance salesman in Detroit and never founded a terrorist organization. Which raises the question: who did? (And for the readers: why did Ralph XVI dream about still being a car salesman just seven issues earlier?)

#32: Most of the Joes go on leave. Stalker heads home to meet his daughter's new fiance, who turns out to be none other than the Headman. Hilarity ensues.

#33: Gung Ho finds out that Quick-Kick purchased a winning lottery ticket just two days before being shipped to Trucial Abysmia, and the ticket will expire in three weeks. He consults a voodoo priestess to contact Quick-Kick's spirit, but Quick-Kick is interrupted by the ghosts of Raptor and Dr Venom. . . and they have ghosts of guns! The ghost of Quick-Kick is shot and dies, or whatever happens to ghosts. Gung Ho finds the lottery ticket in an old pair of shoes--he'd forgotten that Quick-Kick gave him the ticket to hold on to!--and blows the money at a strip bar.

#34: Fred VII, Ralph XVI, Destro, and Serpentor head to Detroit to confront Cobra Commander. Unfortunately, he calls the cops and they get arrested. Though everyone is released the next day, Fred VII becomes the bitch of a big inmate named Rodney.

#35: While investigating reports (alone, of course) of a possible escaped polar bear mutant guy thingy in the Himalayas, Snake Eyes happens upon a tropical paradise populated by people wearing goofy insect armor. A strange dead-looking dude with bat wings attacks him. He escapes, but not before the villain cuts off his hands.

#36: Another silent issue. Snake Eyes tries to explain to his comrades the threat in the Himalayas, but with neither a voice nor hands, has a difficult time of it. Hilarity ensues.

#37: As Golobulous sends spies into the outside world to contact the terrorist organization that he founded, Dr Mindbender becomes increasingly obsessed with locating a group of giant warring robots that both the Joes and Cobras have dealt with in the past. He is repeatedly told there is no such thing, despite finding plans for the redesigning of a unit code-named "Megatron." Upon further questioning, he discovers that no one believes he is a clone, either! He leaves Cobra and questions his own sanity until one evening in a coffee shop he meets a paralyzed young lady named Josie Beller, who swears that she was crippled by a robot who turned into a giant flying gun! (Note: this double-sized issue launches the wildly successful spinoff comic, "Mindbender and Circuit Breaker: The Truth Is Out There.")

#38: Pythona contacts Serpentor, who promises to send troops to aid Cobra-La in the takeover of the world. The Joes find out about this and attack the Cobra-La headquarters. In a dazzling cliffhanger ending, Golobulous detonates a bomb that will turn the entire population of earth into squirrels! (Final issue.)
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Post by jjreason »

Holy shit! I can't wait to read all that.... again. Fuckin' Chux, spoiling all the surprises....
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

That was scary beyond belief...except the Ninja Force working at gas stations. That I can believe.
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

Did you read the "fan" that won the contest for a Frontline story is now taking over the regular series?? WTF???

How do these things happen?? It's like...

...getting chosen for that free throw contest at halftime, then having to replace Shaq and winning the game.

...being a placefiller at the awards show ( the guy that sits down so there are no empty seats), when Jack Nicholson goes to the jon, and winning an Oscar!

...Yelling the correct answer at the television, and having Alex Trebek announce you as today's Jeopardy champion!
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Post by jjreason »

It's like 10 million spoons, when all you need is a knife.

Like meeting the man of your dreams... then meeting his beautiful wife.

Isn't it ironic?
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Post by anarky »

When was this contest? They sure made absolutely certain that everyone knew about it.

Dammit to fucking hell and back sideways with a chainsaw. I could come up with stand-alone stories for Frontline in my goddamn sleep.
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

I think if you hang out at the Devil's Due website a lot....I dunno. Nobody ever asks me to write comic books for them.

Who would you do a Frontline story about?

I'd do Airborne. The "other" Native American Joe who decided NOT to fit into every stereotype they could muster, unlike his braided hair, denim and fringe wearing, Eagle loving, single tear down the cheek asshole Spirit Charlie Iron Knife. And his pseudo performance artist Philip Glass unisex black bodysuit in the new comics is just about equally gay on a gay meter. NOBODY in the U.S. Army wears fucking Metropolitan Dance School body stockings!!! Spirit, you are officially a tool.

But anyway, yeah, I'd write about Airborne. he's the shizz.
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

Just picked up Transformers/GIJOE #1. Jae Lee and Nieber's reimagining of Snake Eyes as a bogey man in the shadows is awesome. Him standing by the window with those little pinprick white eyes makes me want to break into prison and kick the warden in the nuts. Too fucking cool.

Also cool is my 400th post right mneah....
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Post by Eternal Padawan »

So Devil's Due score a Michael Turner cover gfor GIJoe, but then they waste it by having him draw Serpentor and Mindbender and a bunch of other DUDES. Where's the Scarlett/CoverGirl/Lady Jaye cover?

Bad Devil'd Due! BAD! NO!
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