Amazing but true Sloth stories

sloths are awesome. everyone knows that. and if you don't, you're an idiot because they will gnaw off your genitalia. very very slowly. and it will hurt. bad.

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Eternal Padawan
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Amazing but true Sloth stories

Postby Eternal Padawan » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:31 pm

So these two hoodlums were robbing this convenience store ( like hoodlums do) and the cops had them cornered inside the store. But the hoodlums had hostages and the cops' hands were tied, so they couldn't do anything.

So this sloth was on his way back from a costume party ( but not Halloween since this was in January) He was dressed as James T. Kirk and he sneaks into the convenience store through the milk delivery door and disables one thug with a ketchup dispenser and then clubs the other one into unconsciousness with a "Cheers: Best of Woody Harrelson DVD". The owner of the Quickie-Mart gave the sloth a lifetime supply of free frozen chulupas anytime he wants.

Amazing. But true.

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mabudon
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Postby mabudon » Sat Mar 05, 2005 10:19 am

Snigtad told me this on AIM the other day, said not to mention it to you guys, so.....

Apparently that one time when he disappeared for a while and said all that dumb gangster crap as an excuse???

Well, turns out the real story was WAY funnier, see, he got a cellphone for his birthday and wanted a really cool ringtone, so he downloaded what he thought was a roaring bear...

Even though everyone thought it was stupid, he loved it, and would let it ring several times before answering it just to hear the stupid sound.....
Anyways, his class went on a trip to the zoo, and even thought he was supposed to turn it off, the kid thought it wasway too cool to turn off, and as htey walked by the Sloth enclosure, the phone started to ring....
The Alpha sloth looked up immdeiately (slowly, but you know) and fixed it's gaze at Snig, who was rivetted to the spot in terror by the withering gaze of the giant stinking beast....
As he stood immobilized, the great beast slowly lumbered towards him, and when it finally reached him, much to his own shock and the amusement of his classmates, it gently embraced him and began bonking away like mad.....

He had to get a bunch of shots for sloth diseases and lay low for a while, and he told me he actually received a valentine from the zoo signed with a few claw scratches and soaked in sloth pee

Sorry, Snigtad, these guys just had to know

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Eternal Padawan
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Postby Eternal Padawan » Sat Mar 05, 2005 3:18 pm

A busload of nuns had careened off the interchange into a truckload of baloney ( don't ask). They were rushed to the hospital, but the on duty surgeon was recovering from a three day bender and couldn't sew up a shirt, let alone several dozen nunnies.

There happened to be a sloth, dressed like a pirate, in the waiting room suffering from bursitis of the elbow from reaching into the pringles can too many times. He immediately went in a rescusitated 81 unconscious nuns with a whoopee cushion and a bar of LAVA soap. The nunnies were so grateful, they got the sloth box seats to the Clippers.

Amazing. But true.

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Postby anarky » Sat Mar 05, 2005 9:33 pm

Shit, mabudon, that is <b>the</b> funniest Snigtad story of all!!

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Postby vynsane » Sun Mar 06, 2005 1:38 pm

one day a sloth was just slowly walking down the street, minding his own business, just whistling "a boy named sue" to himself, when this dude just like, bumps into him while walking past: as if he didn't see him there, or they were both walking to fast for him to notice! i mean, c'mon! he's a fucking sloth!

so, anyway, the sloth wheels around, slowly, and the dude says: hey, algae breath, watch where i'm going! ha ha aha!

so the sloth, not being able to talk (not because he's a sloth, we all know sloths can talk, this one's just a mute...) just jumps like, so high in the air, and knocks the dude over, and starts to gnaw on his genetalia.

the end.

this story is so cool, i forgot to eat for the two days it took me to write this.

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Postby marney_tarah » Tue May 24, 2005 1:37 am

I love those don't hav any of my own yet but i'll get one for you. mind u it's gonna be sad ok?

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 5:25 pm

hi sloths are soooooooooo cool

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 5:27 pm

im new

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 5:29 pm

lalalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalaallaalalalala

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Postby marney_tarah » Tue May 24, 2005 6:43 pm

hey i agree sloths r sweet i love them so much they r the bomb.
so r u new 2 this thing?
I LOVE SLOTHS!!!

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 6:59 pm

yes

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Postby mub bum » Tue May 24, 2005 7:17 pm

sloths decapertated houi1s head(were best frends)

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 7:24 pm

mub bum lies im still alive just

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 7:25 pm

is any body here

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Postby houi1 » Tue May 24, 2005 7:26 pm

sloths are taking OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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