So, um, it's been 3 years.

uh... you need that explained to you? are you that fucking stupid? its self explanitory. explanatory, even.

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jjreason
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So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by jjreason »

What's up? Not much you ask? What's new with me you ask? Well, I deleted World of Warcraft from my computer today and canceled my account after my wife pretty much threatened to leave if I didn't.

I know I haven't been here in ages, and I really don't mind few or no replies to the thread - after all this place is just another example of something, someone or somewhere that kinda got left behind.... like reading comics, writing dirty poetry or maybe even spending appropriate amounts of time with my wife or children.

I'm putting this up because I feel horrible right now - horrible because my game is "gone" (never really gone, just not easily accessible to me as I sit here) and I'm having a lot of negative feelings about that - anxiety, sadness, anger, you name it I got it. I feel like my wife "won", because she is deciding what I'm allowed to do with my non-work time - she'd tell you she lost, because that's 3 years she can't get back. Right now I hate her, either way you look at it. I'm sure it's just the adjustment speaking but I told her the fact she was "dealing in absolutes" (and yes I really quoted a prequel Star Wars movie in the midst of our conversation) made me want to pack it in and be done with her. This after she told me she'd have left ages ago if it weren't for the kids being involved and all the headaches associated with splitting up not just a marriage, but a marriage with a home, kids, a dog, ad infinitum. Not simple.

Anyhow, I apologize for missing so much here and elsewhere. Again, no replies needed, but you've all been there for me in the past and I wanted to get this off my chest in a place where I know judgements may come, but at least they'll be funny. I also wanted to check in & say I hope you're all doing well. For me it seems like not much time has passed, but I know it has - I can see it in your pictures and the pictures of your kids on Facebook... time flies when you're having fun I guess.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Mister Roboto »

Awwww....here's a picture of Marlon Brando with a penis stuffed in his mouth.

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That ought to cheer you right up. He played Superman's Father after all.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

Welcome home, jj. As you haven't been around, I'll give you the cliffnotes on what I've been up to. My career in showbiz has stalled, and I moved back to Iowa. I've been unemployed for almost three years. I haven't had sex in six years. My daughter just became a teenager. I'm not on Facebook. I continue to buy comics voraciously.

And since you haven't been following comics closely for three years, here are the cliffnotes on those. Bob Harras is now Editor in Chief at DC. Morrison outed Bruce Wayne as Batman and DC was fine with that. There are now 16 different Batman titles. (thats an exaggeration) Marvel is/has/will be rebooting all their main books in the last/current/next year. Bendis is still on Avengers. Brubaker is still on Cap. Remender completely fucked up the Punisher by making him a Frankenstein monster. Chuckles shot Cobra Commander in the face and killed him, then blew up a tactical nuke and killed himself. Atomic Robo rules.



And I truly, sincerely hope that you can reconcile with your wife. The snark in me wants to say because if "Reason for Divorce" is listed as WoW, then I will heckle you mercilessly for all eternity. But I know the hardships of having to live a life where you share your kids, and its not fun. So, without trying to sound preachy, I thoroughly and sincerely hope you can find a way to make it work.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by vynsane »

shit, dude, just... holy shit! and i thought my recent LEGO obsession was bad!

i took a look at your last post, which wasn't 3 years ago, but it was last september - i've gutted and redone my entire first floor, aside from the kitchen which was already done, in that time!

i mean, just holy shit! reading this post, you could substitute 'video game' with anything... booze, heroin, whores, and it would read the same! it's a scary peek into the reality of video game addiction. and i know it's taken a toll on you as much as it has the rest of your family. i'm not going to try to assume i know everything that was/is going on in your home life - and i'm not going to totally come down on you on this, either, as my wife has (i'm sorry, i couldn't help but share this. she's gotta stick with the estrogen mafia, i guess) because deep down there must have been something not totally fulfilling in your life in order to make you dive into WoW the way you did. i only can echo rollo's sentiments in that i hope you can reach an understanding and resolution in this situation.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Ran »

Some things don't change. The Leafs still suck. In fact, I don't think they've made the playoffs since I joined this site.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by jjreason »

Yeah I kept posting my comic purchases in here for some time after I stopped reading - and I've still been buying them too, Rollo, but not at the rate I was before. I haven't missed any issues of Amazing, Uncanny, Cap, Daredevil or Astro City but I pretty much cut the rest off - which of course is why the last few FF issues are going for a million bucks a piece right now. Ah well, history fucking repeating itself. The last issue of Amazing I read was before the big Obama issue, if that gives any frame of reference.

I guess it meant it had been 3 years since I got back hooked on WoW (and even that's an overstep, it's more like 2.5) and I do recall putting up a post about having trouble with it some time ago - I guess I should have dug that old bitch up and whined in there.

I hope I can work it out with my wife too, but I'll tell you right now it feels like I have 2 bosses - the fact that I'm not able to choose what I want to do with my free time is a big sticking point. Mind you, if I was choosing crack or whores she'd likely be mad also.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by anarky »

Dayum, man, I knew you hadn't been around as much, but didn't realize it'd been that long. Three years? Dayum. You really haven't missed much, except that vyn lost the site to Zaphod in a game of Bonko, and it's now a pay site. Snarf or Sam I Am will be along shortly to get your credit card info so you can continue posting.

I'll echo the sentiment that I hope you guys can work things out. The fact that you say you hope you can, well, you know what that means, and, as asinine as it may sound, the fact that she gave you an ultimatum instead of just calling it quits sounds like she's hoping for the same thing. I don't think it'll be easy, but you both seem to be hoping for the best, so that's a start.

I'm not going to pretend it's nearly as serious, but I think I have an inkling of what you're going through on one level. Every time I get a toy, or put a toy in the cart, or even look at a toy on the shelf, Mrs A sorta grills me over whether I really need it. And, even though I know she's asking for reasons I can't disagree with (I've got a backlog of unopened toys almost a decade old, and will never have room to display them), it makes me bristle, since she's telling me what to do. (In a passive-aggressive way; it might be easier if she'd just tell me not to buy them instead of complaining, but she probably doesn't do that because she knows I'd blame her.) And also because it makes me feel guilty at some level. She's trying to get me to focus on what's important (or relatively important; obviously a new Viper is more important than a resculpted Han Solo, but neither are really important in the grand scheme of things). I really don't think it's so much that your wife is telling you what to do, as putting you in a position where you have to admit to yourself that your Night Elf Mohawk isn't the most important thing in life. But the natural way to respond is to resent.

I don't want to sound like I'm blaming you here. I've joked about how I don't touch WoW because I know I'd never be able to peel myself away from the computer, but there's a lot of truth in it. I've heard it said, and agree with it 100%, that us geeks tend to have addictive personalities--maybe not to drugs, exactly, but how many guys like us are there that don't take something way, way too seriously? For some of us it's Star Trek, for some of us it's comic books, for some it might even be old 78s of Skip James to try to pick up Enid Coleslaw with, but we tend to get hooked. I've spent way too much time in the past couple of weeks rushing through the paperbacks of two Vertigo series myself, but most of these things don't continue 24 hours in realtime. You've got to wait for your next "fix," whereas realtime gaming can be picked right up and jumped into at any time. Sometimes we get burned out on stuff (I'm thinking of the way you might play a non-online game obsessively for as many as ten hours or more a day until you beat it, then never touch it again), sometimes we don't, but the developers know how to avoid this problem by continuously releasing new versions and upgrades.

I'm rambling. I'd say the bottom line is neither of you should dwell on what's happened, just try to learn from it going forward. Like vyn said, there might be something at the root, even moreso than WoW, but you've got to figure out what that is and deal with it if you want everything to work. And, stupid and cliche as it might sound, with the whole resentment thing, try to imagine how you'd feel if she spent her time playing online games that you're not involved with--she's not trying to emasculate you, she's trying to reach out to you.

Don't disappear on us--right now, I feel like we all need to send a big hug to both our Canadian brothers. But that'd be totally gay, so maybe Snigtad will do it for us.

And, seriously, man, if you've got 3+ years of experience, I hope you sold your Night Elf Mohawk on eBay. I hear advanced characters sell for some serious cheddah, yo.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by jjreason »

Chux, thanks. I checked into selling the character and I'd likely net around $300 - not worth the six-months of time (24hrs per day for six months that is) that have been invested into it.

Today has been a long day. I got done work at noon and was in the house alone for hours with no WoW. I honestly had to struggle to figure out what to do with myself - I wound up falling asleep on the couch. Now she's gone out, I'm here with Tom who has a friend over... and no WoW. Filling the time is going to be an issue.

I hope my feelings of resentment - you hit the nail on the head - ease up in time. I honestly don't even want to be her friend right now, let alone show affection. She's thanked me a few times for quitting, but I honestly just hear at as gloating - she might as well be doing a touchdown dance in my face. As a result I'd just as soon punch her (which I never would and never will - don't be alarmed) than be intimate with her.

Just kind of keeping in touch with how I'm feeling here, so I can check back in a few days, or week, what have you, to see if things are coming around or not.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

Look at all of us making like Ann Landers all up in this bitch. :roll:

Have you guys talked about any kind of counseling? You feeling resentful and feeling like she's gloating is one of those things that needs to be communicated now, before it gets buried and turns into something worse. And I'm positive there are things she's thinking and feeling that she isn't bringing up to you either. Stuff like that needs to be communicated in a neutral setting with a counselor. Which sounds cliche and not something to look forward to, but like vyn and Chux have said, there are things that led you to WOW in the first place.

Plus, women like to hold onto shit. I am friends with one of my exes and she still likes to bring up shit I did wrong like ten years ago, and its been seven years since we broke up, and I'll be all "Seriously? Fuckin' drop it already!!!" in a joking manner. But we aren't together partly because we didn't work shit out becauase of pride or whatever. And if we were still together and she was bringing stuff up ten years later because we didn't deal with it and reconcile and move on, they'd be looking for her body.

And you should probably give her a good rodgering. Angry post-World of Warcraft sex is HAWT from what I've heard. :frus: :heybaby:
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by jjreason »

We've talked about counseling, yes. The conversations are short. She says "maybe we should talk to someone" and I say "fuck that", or something similar. I'm not arguing that what I did was right or valuable or anything else, and I don't need some other cuntard preaching to me about my responsibilities and some shit. I know I'm the bad guy, I don't need to sit through counseling. Sorry, but that's none of anyone else's business - especially if I don't give two flying fucks about what that person might have to offer (not like you homos, who's opinions I value for whatever reason :P ).

And read this as a joke - I'm writing it in a joking fashion - but I'm not going to counseling because I honestly don't think I'm the type of person it can help. I would take what they had to say and nod and smile.... and then walk out of there not having heard a thing. I'm a stubborn mofo who's always right in my own mind, even when I'm wrong to everyone else.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Ran »

If I was forced to go to any sort of counseling, the only thing I would be thinking about would be that scene in Office Space where the counselor keels over at the end of the hypno-therapy session.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by jjreason »

Next immediate hurdle - filling the void. No sooner do stop playing than my brain starts firing on all cylinders in regards to plugging holes in my comic collection. The key here is going to be relaxing, and not giving in to my strong urge to spend my life savings on 1980s Marvel comics. ><

I think, in order to stem the tide, I'm going bring all my comics downstairs and start re-organizing long boxes & updating checklists - that will likely appease the OCD for one more day.

Oh, and have 6hrs of hockey to watch last night was a godsend too, thank you NHL for scheduling your playoffs around my quitting WoW. Good timing.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Sleazer »

JJReason! :D

Sorry to hear of your troubles, sir. :(

I, too, hope that things will improve for you and your wife and your kids, in whatever way is best for everybody.

Keep in mind what Nark said about addictive personalities (I know I definitely fit that bill, in several different ways which I will not go into here since this is about you - but if you need a list to help you relate, let me know and I will post it). Also keep in mind that you aren't the only person going through this...every day there are couples dealing with alcohol, drug, gambling, porn, etc. addictions and they can all have similar outcomes.

I hope you don't completely give up the idea of counseling...you may go in thinking that you will be automatically perceived as the "bad guy" but if you give it a chance, you just might find an avenue to unload some of your feelings that your wife will have to sincerely consider because a good counselor will help to make sure she is really hearing what you are saying and where you are coming from, help to break it down. And if it doesn't work, at least in the future you won't look back when it's too late with the regret of "I wish we went to counseling"...at least you can say you tried.

Let us know how you are doing from time to time !!!

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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by Diabolical »

I haven't posted in here yet because I wasn't quite sure what to say.
I'm not used to such seriousness here.

It sucks that things had to happen the way they did for you, but I do hope its for the best and you can work things out. Hopefully, as you readjust to "real life" you'll see everything you've been missing and wonder how you ever fell into the clutches of WoW.

The only reason I can see your wife's side in this is because I can't understand anyone's obsession with WoW or any MMORPG. I've seen a few friends play it and try to explain it to me and I've come to the conclusion that WoW is one of the most boring things I've ever seen.
Besides, I can't fathom paying the initial $50-60 bucks for a game (or whatever it costs) then having to pay more every month just to play the damn thing. Last I heard it was $15 (US) a month, which totals $180 a year, which doesn't include expansion packs, computer upgrades, adult diapers, etc.
Fuck that.

That being said, its good to have you back, brutha.
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Re: So, um, it's been 3 years.

Post by jjreason »

Thanks, boys.

And now a bit about my side of the story. I want to say in here that it's not like I locked my office door and hadn't seen anyone since I started playing. :lol:

I never missed a parent teacher night or any soccer games. I helped put a huge deck of the back of my house, Vyn, speaking of home upgrades. :) . I never chose WoW over work (well, I did book a day off when the last expansion came out on December 7th and played from 3am until 11pm the next night - 20hrs in one 24hr period, looking back). I would say WoW kept me out of some trouble last year when I was deployed to the Olympics in Vancouver, instead of going out nightly drinking and boning lady cops from all over Canada like my friends I found the internet cafe and chilled out, saving a ton of cash and a ton of potential stress on my marriage over those 6 weeks.

What I did do, however, was use the game as my first "resort to" when faced with even a millisecond of free time. Wife cooking dinner? WoW. Kids watching a show or movie? WoW. Any time anyone else was not in the house for whatever reason? WoW for sure.

How much was I playing? On a good week, I'd be able to get my daily chores (stuff you do daily to earn in-game money which is needed) in about an hour or two, then focus on my raiding 2 nights per week (playing in teams of 10 or 25 to cooperatively face challenges designed for teams, not single players), 3-4hrs per night. Since the expansion last December however, raid nights have not been set, and it's fair to say I was playing almost nightly, waiting for a chance to get in on one of these group expeditions. 30-40hrs per week would likely be in the ballpark for the last 5 months. I agree, it sounds like a lot.

The game is very compelling, much like baseball is very compelling. The psychological principal being used on players here is called "random reward" - for those who recall Fisher's rats pulling the levers for food, this is the same thing. You keep working at it because you NEVER KNOW when you'll be rewarded. They reward you enough to propagate continued play, but never enough that you'll have everything you ever wanted and choose to not play anymore.

The $15 a month never bugged me. I figure fifty cents a day for hours of entertainment is way cheaper than anything else I'm interested in. In exchange for the $15 they keep things running smoothly almost all the time, they update the content and provide new challenges a few times per year, and they offer a social platform for people to interact in. This is no minor point either - your guild-mates can become real life friends or even partners - I know at least one couple very well who are together due to meeting on WoW - they've both since quit playing in order to fuck each other more, which I applauded loudly. They're great folks!

I think with my wife the WoW was just always present every time she felt she wasn't being made a priority in my life. She's not had a great health history over the last few years and typically falls asleep right after the kids are down for the night. We haven't been spending much alone time together, and don't really schedule much in the way of dates because she's just not up to it.

Long story short, there are more factors than WoW at play here. She saw me as choosing the game over her too much, too often so it became the focal point for her anger and frustration over me being absent. She has a temper. It just got to the point where she'd seen enough & couldn't deal with it any longer, I suppose similar to the frustrated wife who murders her husband because the sound he makes while he's snoring - obviously it wasn't the snoring, same as it's not the WoW here.

The last few days have been better. I think she appreciates that it's been hard for me so we're getting along better. I'm thinking about playing it (slightly) less frequently, but still many times per day.
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