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HOBOKEN (AP) -- In an unexpected twist in the ridiculous 2008 presidential race, famed fatherfucker Bizarro The Grin has endorsed John McCain for president.
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Bizarro The Grin announced his choice for president in an impromptu shouting match in the parking lot of a K-Mart in lovely Hoboken, NJ.
"i DO NOT NECESSARILY AGREE WITH mCcAIN'S POSITIONS," said Bizarro The Grin. "aLL THREE OF THE MEN IN THE RACE ARE WONDERFUL FELLOWS, AND WOULD DO A FINE JOB. eACH OF THEM IS A MONSTER IN THE SACK, AND jOE bIDEN ESPECIALLY HAS THIS KINKY THING HE DOES THAT INVOLVES A CHIHUAHUA AND AN ORDER OF MASHED POTATOES. bUT jOHN mCcAIN HAS EARNED MY VOTE BY WAY OF HIS RUNNING MATE, sARAH pALIN.
"aLTHOUGH IT IS TRUE THAT i WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX WITH mRS pALIN, i HAVE PORKED HER HUSBAND ON MANY OCCASIONS. iN FACT, THE NONSENSE WORDS HE SHOUTS WHEN i SNEAK UP BEHIND HIM AND UNEXPECTEDLY STICK MY COCK UP HIS ASS IN THE SUB-ZERO WEATHER OF aLASKA HAVE BECOME THE NAMES OF HIS FIVE KIDS.
"hOWEVER, WHAT HAS IMPRESSED ME MOST IS pALIN'S MILITANT PRO-LIFE STANCE. wHEN HER DAUGHTER, bRISTOL OR nORFOLK OR rICHMOND OR WHATEVER THE HELL THAT WENCH IS CALLED, GOT KNOCKED UP, MOST TEENAGERS WOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION. wHICH WOULD MEAN ONE LESS FATHER FOR ME TO FUCK.
"sARAH pALIN'S INSISTENCE UPON HER DAUGHTER CARRYING THE BABY TO TERM MEANS THAT i WILL HAVE ONE MORE NEW DADDY ASSHOLE IN WHICH TO SHOVE MY DICK IN ONLY A FEW SHORT MONTHS. hAVE THE DEMOCRATS PRODUCED ANY NEW SEX PARTNERS FOR ME IN THIS RACE? nO. wHICH IS WHY i WHOLEHEARTEDLY SUPPORT mCcAIN, AND WILL BE DONATING SEVERAL GALLONS OF MY JIZZ TO HIS CAMPAIGN FUND. aND, BY 'CAMPAIGN FUND,' i MEAN ASSHOLE."
McCain responded with a confused, "Huh? What me worry?" A spokesman for the McCain campaign clarified later: "Senator McCain does not welcome the fundamentals of this endorsement."
Bizarro The Grin reportedly responded with an e-mail that read, "tHAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT, sNUGGINS."