Post your choices here.
1) In-N-Out (Double-Double Animal Style): This CA (and Vegas) only chain makes the best fucking hamburgers of any major chain. All they do is hamburgers, so they don't fuck it up. "Animal Style" is probably familiar to those of us with In-N-Out anywhere around; it's a "secret menu" item, which basically means they lather the patty in mustard before grilling it, then serve it with thousand island dressing, pickles, and grilled onions. Godalmightydamn, it's good.
2) Red Robin (just about any of 'em): All right. It's cheating to include a sit-down restaurant. But I'll make an exception for one that specializes in burgers, and makes such a wide range of them so well. Red Robin is, obviously, much pricier than anywhere else on the list, but where else can you get something like an A-1 Peppercorn Burger?
3) McDonald's (Big Mac, Angus Burger, Double Cheeseburger): McDonald's ranks so high for me because they're usually the cheapest of the bunch. $1 for their simple double cheeseburger is nigh unbeatable. The other burgers are quite good, but a little high for what you get. Still, they send out coupons pretty much weekly, so it's a non-issue.
4) Jack in the Box (Ultimate Cheeseburger, Junior Bacon Cheeseburger): These two don't even have lettuce and tomato. Just bun, meat, cheese, a sauce made up mainly of mayo and ketchup, and, in the case of the second, bacon. The Ultimate is pretty frigging big for a fast food sandwich. The Junior Bacon is a scaled-down version with bacon that costs $1. I'd normally get two of the Juniors and some of their deep fried tacos instead of one Ultimate.
5) Wendy's (Classic with Cheese): Hopefully Arby's doesn't change what isn't broken. Wendy's has some fucking amazing burgers, but, unfortunately, they're quite pricey. For about the same price as one of their burgers, you can get two anywhere else. Their fries are second best only to In-N-Out, though, and the option of baked potatoes and Frostys makes this one to pick up every so often anyway.
6) Carl's Jr (any of a rotating cast of specialty burgers): Their so-called "Six Dollar Burger" sucks. It sucks bad. However, they pretty much always have some "limited time" burger that's cheaper and much, much better. My personal favorite is when they have one with jalapeno jack cheese and grilled poblano peppers. Yum yum.
7) Burger King (Whopper Jr with cheese): Something about the proportions on the Whopper Jr make it a much tastier sandwich than the Whopper itself. A lot of BK's food is not as good as their commercials indicate, but a couple of Whopper Jr's wouldn't make you think that.
8) Hardee's (Frisco Burger, Famous Star): The Famous Star at Hardee's is not the same as the one at Carl's, unless they've changed it in the last few years. And I'm assuming they still have the mouthwatering joy that is the Frisco Burger. But, uh, I've not eaten at one in like a decade, so I'm not sure.
9) Del Taco (don't recall the name): Sure, they're good. Trouble is, if I'm at Del Taco, I'm not ordering burgers. For those of you back east, Del Taco is what Taco Bell used to be: cheap and damned good.
10) Dairy Queen (don't recall the name): Awesome chili burgers, but, well, they're not exactly conveniently located, either.
Honorable mention: The Texas Tavern (Roanoke, VA): The Cheesy Western is the best hamburger money can buy. Period. And the place is fast. However, it not being a chain, and located such that Kidhuman could eat there, and after a fairly good-sized drive, I guess it's technically not eligible.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!