Vynsane.com's Hasbro's Weekly Q&A

[Ran]

The same way we did with the Indiana Jones line.

Any chance we can get a Polar Battle Bear and an Iceberg figure for the GI Joe line?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

We have to work out the likeness issues with The Griz, but we're working on it.

Hasbro, you just released a B-wing with four different sets of stickers to make four different EU ships. Why in the hell, then, won't you make an X-wing with different stickers to signify different call signs?

[Diabolical]

Do you have any idea how much it costs to print stickers?


Those shitty comic packs peg warm like a mofo, so why do you continue to make a shitty product that only collectors like? I thought you did just the opposite.

[anarky]

Well, don't tell anyone, but we own stock in Dark Horse. Their comics sell like shit because they suck. So we figured we could put them in packs with figures (which actually cost us about twenty cents to produce, market, and distribute) and get kids hooked on reading weak comics that they can complain about and still buy every month at the comic store, just like you adult fanboys. It's a win-win for everyone. Well, it's a win for us, at least.

Hasbro, why are so many of the Transformers "Classics" not actually classics, but new characters?

[Double_G]

When we make new characters for the Transformers line, you complain. When we don't make new characters for the Star Wars line, you complain. We just can't win with you bastards.

Did you guys know all along that you were going to drop the Indiana Jones line like it was a prom night dumpster baby?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Thanks, dick. Now we're gonna have that Family Guy song in our heads the rest of the day.

So, really, how about some more TFU figures? Kazdan Paratus would be the shit.

[jjreason]

Sorry, but there is no chance of you ever getting that figure. It is now in pre-production.

Hasbro, I just got one of your "Big Wing" TIE fighters. It's nearly as tall as my Imperial Shuttle and thus makes both ships look completely like ass now that they're on display together. Thank you very much. Are you planning on making a "BIS" (Big Imperial Shuttle) to go with your BMF?

[Ran]

It is in the works, but it will b e a while. We haven't developed the right type of plastic yet that will keep the wings nice and limp. We also are having trouble finding the right configuration of landing gear that will give under the vehicle's own weight.

Should we be expecting any non-playset battlepacks like the Lars Homestead anytime soon?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Yes! After the Sarlacc (which converts to a plastic vagina for those lonely winter nights), we will be releasing a Death Star battle pack. This set was a back-breaker in terms of cost, so the entire thing will be made of the material we used on the sand base of the Lars Homestead. It will include several of your favorite POTF2 figures, but the old paint applications were too expensive so we hired a mongoloid to just do them up with finger paints. Oh, and we couldn't quite get the molding cost to work out, so it's actually just the Episode I Naboo hangar playset molded in black. It should set you back around $300. Get two!

When are you gonna tell the Indiana Jones collectors to stop crying like the bitches they are?

[Rollo Tomassi]

Oh, eventually they'll stop whining on their own and go back to collecting our other lines, G.I. Joe, Star Wars, Transformers, and Marvel like the obedient little bitches they are. Indiana Jones was a small diversion. We won't say anything to them at all.


Have you seen those kickass Sideshow Collectible G.I.Joe figures? How does it feel to be schooled by another company using your own licensed characters? Douchey? Does it feel douchey? Is douchey the word you're looking for, punk ass bitches?

[Joe Biden]

People don't discuss kickass Sideshow Collectible G.I.Joe figures around their kitchen tables. I know this. I take the Amtrak to work every morning, and I can hear them sitting around the table after the kids have gone to bed, worried about how they're going to afford a BMF Falcon for little Tommy, since he's jealous that little Susie down the street got one last week, but the rising cost of Aunt Wanda's diarrhea medication is going to bankrupt the family and the best they can hope to do is find a beat-up old Galactic Heroes Falcon on eBay that's missing the landing gear and has this unexplained brown stain on the starboard side. The Sideshow Collectible G.I.Joe figures are a distraction from the issues people care about, and John McCain has gone too far this time, God bless him. I don't think McCain doesn't understand how much people want Millennium Falcons that actually hold their figures properly, I just think he doesn't get it. Well, I'd like to tell little Tommy: A BMF Falcon is coming. When Barack Obama becomes president, he's not going to have six months to prepare for Christmas like Robert Kennedy did. He's going to have to do what Franklin Delano Roosevelt did when Kenner first made Star Wars figures, he's going to go on the internet and e-mail everyone personally and say, "You will all get a BMF Falcon." That's what they need in Scranton, and Wilmington, and Lancaster, and Philadelphia, and Intercourse, and Blue Ball, and Virginville, and Pusseyville, and at the Home Depot, and all throughout Pennsylvania.

When Barack Obama becomes president, one of his proposals is to increase safety standards on toys imported from China. How do you expect to deal with this, without raising taxes, because the American people don't need to spend another $700 billion on the remade USS Flagg, the mandatory production of which will be Barack Obama's first action as president?

[Rollo Tomassi]

That's irrelevant Bob Barker. Because by the time we get around to researching, developing, prototyping, manufacturing, marketing and shipping said USS Flag, Obama will no longer be president. Whether that is because his term will be up, or because some patriotic individual who is in no way connected to us or on any kind of payroll, who is passionate about the substandard safety standards and feels they shouldn't be changed lest it affect the profit margin of major US toy manufacturers, including but not limited to ourselves, decides to assassinate him, well we make no judgments and cast no aspersions.


Are you guys ever going to show side by side comparison photos of Marvel Legends to the inferior Marvel Puniverse so that discriminating toy collectors can realize what shitty little craptastic figures they are and get around to spending money on Mattel's DC line?

[anarky]

No, but we'll put pictures of the new Marvel figures next to your dick, so everyone can see how much bigger they are.

You've realized (to the chagrin of many) that you can slap the most minor paint variation on a Clonetrooper mold and sell it for $7. You've done running headsculpt changes on at least three human Star Wars army-builders. Why have you not thought about the incredibly simple use of different colors of paint on the tiny bit of exposed skin to produce minority Cobra Troopers and Officers, perhaps as a running change or in a Battle Pack? Same goes for female Cobras, who could be easily produced using a mix of Cobra parts and parts from the (multiple versions of) the three existing female characters? This is Cobra, not the fucking KKK.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Point of fact, Cobra IS the KKK. Just painted Blue. And with cockney blokes and Australians on motorcycles. And Scottish chaps who are black dudes when we make the cartoon. But we like the idea of retooling female molds to make umpteen billion female Cobra agents. You got moxie, kid! Myah! See? Myah!


Marvel Legends for 2009?

[Ran]

Our magic 8 ball tells us to tell you to ask again later.

So...with the cost of oil dropping, does that mean that the price of toys will be dropping, too?