BM

[Slicker]

I shit so hard that I dry heaved today.

[Jargo]

I squeezed out a monster of approximately eighteen inches in length yesterday. Absolute truth. One end had disappeared round the U bend and the rest was coiled across the pan like a recumbent python. I mean. given how long the alimentary canal is, eighteen inches is nothing but man that was a good shit. I should've taken a snapshot but it stank like hell and I had another turd turtle heading so needed to flush the monster away to make room. I've mostly been eating psuedo Indian food like Chicken Tikka Masala with pilau rice and naan bread. Heavy and spicy. Good for clearing the pipes though. Bit like Mexican food in that respect.

[jjreason]

I'm jealous.

Traveling right now for holidays & I've been running to the shitter at least 4x per day since we arrived - producing some version of "clear water with brown sandy sediment" or "brown dryer lint". It sucks. The only saving grace is that I don't have assburn due to the all the wiping - no idea how I've avoided it, but for the love of God I have.

All of that aside, I was astounded with my 2nd shit this morning (or was it my 3rd? I can't even keep them straight any more :***( ) - a single, solitary chow mein noodle, approximately 3 inches in length, had survived the trip from my fork through to the bowl without getting broken up at all. Incredible really.

[Ran]

For some reason I can't explain, I have to poop almost every time I go into a bookstore or library. On a related note, thank you to Barnes and Noble for keeping your bathrooms clean.

[Slicker]

I've found out recently that I seem to be one of the only people that I know that uses wet wipes after I shit. Everyone says that they make it all wet down there and they feel like they shit themselves. I explain the merits of them like this: What would you do if you happened to get man poop on your arm? Would you simply grab a single sheet of dry toilet paper and wipe it off? Hell, no! You'd get soap and water and scrub it. Why is your butthole any different?! Here's a test. Take a dump and wipe like normal. Then use a wet wipe and see how much got left behind.

[jjreason]

I loved wetwipes, it's sad kids grow out of the diaper stage, really. Or I guess I could just buy wetwipes.

Anyhow, it's been a good poo week here. I've had 3 super logs that have all left marks on pretty much the exact same spot on the bowl - all pointing in the same direction if you will. I keep waiting to be contacted by SHIELD (Super Healthy Intestinal Elongated Log Department) as I think my toilet could be used as some sort of low-grade Turdeto tracker.

[jjreason]

I had a long, thin shit yesterday that took the exact shape of one of those "awareness" ribbon magnets you see on folks' car bumpers. I'm not sure what a brown ribbon could be used to bring awareness to, but colon health might work.

Looks like someone else may have had the same shit, as I did not design this but found it quite easily:

[The Phantom ManAss]

The Brown Side of the Farts flows strongly through you, so says the Dark Lord of the Shit!

Also, I'm making a MINT off those magnets and buttons, and absolutely NONE of it is going to colorectal cancer.

[Jargo]

I've emptied seven times in two days. Seven!!!!!!! Consequently I've discovered that I'm a fair bit lighter than last time I weighed myself. All my turds have been very long and slender. like baby snakes. Or little eels.

I have found that bending forward so my chest nearly touches my thighs while I give birth to a brown baby negates the need for extensive wiping or wet wipes. leaning forward spreads the cheeks far enough apart that the thing don't touch the sides. Also, wet wipes smell weird. Also they don't bio-degrade. Also they clog the soil pipe. I had a nasty experience of backflow after trying to flush wet wipes once.

That is all.

[Diabolical]

Leaning forward is actually closer to the "correct" way to poop.
Sitting and shitting isn't natural for the body. We were made to squat and lean forward when you drop a deuce.

[Jargo]

Those 28 volunteers in that study must really love shitting.

Glad to know I'm getting it right.

[jjreason]

There is really something great about taking that load off though - just the sitting down action helps everything relax. Normally, if one is lodged in there sideways, for lack of a better term, my body has naturally kinda leaned forward (even rocked forward & back at times, to be perfectly honest) in hopes of helping ease the way. I've never had one of the squatting poos - seems like a lot of work for the big muscle groups in the legs & ass.

[jjreason]

Jesus Christ - over 62,000 views for this topic now.

[jjreason]

Ok so there I am sitting in the bathroom for no real significant reason other than I had to pee & was feeling lazy. It happens, and besides I had felt a minor tremor as though a shit might possibly be starting to think about brewing. I actually hummed & hawed about getting off, but decided to give one more minor push - and a shit about 18 inches long & thick as anything decided to slide on out. I feel kinda worried - shouldn't my body have made me more aware I had a magnificent shit ready to breach? What's up with the alarm system not going off properly??

[Jargo]

The prostate is a funny old thing. Mind of its own half the time. Like telling you, you desperately need to go and it turns out to be just a little pebble. Or a fart. Or as you say, tells you it's nothing and it turns out to be a fucking great battleship sized thing. Let me tell you, be grateful you don't go in for butt banditry. Once you've been down that particular road, things are never the same and life is full of surprises...