BM

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

Moderators: Batman, Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons

Post Reply
User avatar
jjreason
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8026
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
Location: Out there somewhere.

Re: BM

Post by jjreason »

You'll really love it in your shorts, then.
"Something inside me....."
User avatar
Ran
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8772
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:46 pm
Location: barking up the wrong tree

Re: BM

Post by Ran »

About 2 months ago I caught a stomach bug that had me puking and shitting for 2 days. Well, I puked once, after that it was just dry heaving. About a 18 hours into it, I thought I had to fart. Farting seemed like the only option because there couldn't possibly be anything solid left into me because I hadn't eaten. Sure enough, I was wrong. Then the next day, I still hadn't eaten and was sure I had to fart. Wrong again.
User avatar
jjreason
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8026
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
Location: Out there somewhere.

Re: BM

Post by jjreason »

Filthy fucking Americans (the saddest part is that I actually stopped & wondered where to share this for quite some time).

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/xy ... e=vicefbus
"Something inside me....."
User avatar
Tom Foolery
I HAVE THE POWER!!!
Posts: 4721
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:57 pm
Location: I bought a house!

Re: BM

Post by Tom Foolery »

I read that article whilst I was on the shitter.
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”

Image
User avatar
Diabolical
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 7061
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:40 pm
Location: Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.

Re: BM

Post by Diabolical »

I had a great poop last week.

When I flushed, the alpha turd rested across the bowl, refusing to break as the lesser turds swirled violently around and down below it.
It was like the movies, where the giant log rests across the ravine with a chasm or raging river below, and it's the only way for the people to cross.

As the water level rose back up, it dislodged the turd and the second flush consumed it.
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
Image
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
User avatar
Diabolical
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 7061
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:40 pm
Location: Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.

Re: BM

Post by Diabolical »

Plop.
Attachments
Screenshot_20180715-003034_Instagram.jpg
Screenshot_20180715-003034_Instagram.jpg (425.39 KiB) Viewed 4109 times
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
Image
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
User avatar
Tom Foolery
I HAVE THE POWER!!!
Posts: 4721
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:57 pm
Location: I bought a house!

Re: BM

Post by Tom Foolery »

Ever have a BM where you turn and look at it and can accurately tell the size and shape of your large intestine because it matches the gargantuan log you just floated?

Yeahhhh...just did one of those.
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”

Image
User avatar
Ran
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8772
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:46 pm
Location: barking up the wrong tree

Re: BM

Post by Ran »

Tom Foolery wrote:Ever have a BM where you turn and look at it and can accurately tell the size and shape of your large intestine because it matches the gargantuan log you just floated?

Yeahhhh...just did one of those.
Image
User avatar
jjreason
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8026
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
Location: Out there somewhere.

Re: BM

Post by jjreason »

I lol'd at the "kiss of poseidon" graphic, a diff name for the splashback as seen above.
"Something inside me....."
User avatar
Ran
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8772
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:46 pm
Location: barking up the wrong tree

Re: BM

Post by Ran »

Dropped one this morning that I really should have taken a picture of, or at least had a tape measure handy for. There was one that was about 4 inches long, then right next to it, there was one that I couldn't see the bottom end of, and it was sticking about an inch out of the water.

I now feel empty.
User avatar
jjreason
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8026
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
Location: Out there somewhere.

Re: BM

Post by jjreason »

Perfect. I had chili last night, so I'm sitting here typing while awaiting great things. Or maybe just great thing.
"Something inside me....."
User avatar
Tom Foolery
I HAVE THE POWER!!!
Posts: 4721
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:57 pm
Location: I bought a house!

Re: BM

Post by Tom Foolery »

Why is it, when you feel the need to go, but you know it’s not quite ready so you’re doing other stuff but then five minutes before you need to walk out the door, your butt turns into a faucet?

Now I know why old people are grumpy. The warranty expired and nothing works correctly anymore. Thirty more years of this??
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”

Image
User avatar
jjreason
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8026
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
Location: Out there somewhere.

Re: BM

Post by jjreason »

I don't like the constant need to re-wipe. That's the main symptom I've found increasing as I get older. I'm not 100% convinced it's not tied to all the changes in food additives & whatnot over the last 20 years though.
"Something inside me....."
User avatar
Diabolical
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 7061
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:40 pm
Location: Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.

Re: BM

Post by Diabolical »

With my diet it's like wiping a marker.
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
Image
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
User avatar
Ran
(includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
Posts: 8772
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:46 pm
Location: barking up the wrong tree

Re: BM

Post by Ran »

Ever try to sneak out a fart while you are sitting down, only to have half of the air slowly go up your butt crack and the other half slip by your balls?

Neither have I.
Post Reply