It's 1990!

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

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anarky
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

Okay, but just for shits and giggles:

If George Lucas were to make any more Star Wars movies, I'm going to say he should cast that guy who played Darkman in one of them. And one of the guys from LA Law; I'm thinking the one who plays Victor. There should be some connection to the originals; maybe a nephew of the actor who played some minor character like Wedge.

And let's get really fucking silly: When he was a kid, Darth Vader wasn't a navigator on a spice freighter, but a slave boy on Tatooine, and he was born by immaculate conception. He built C-3PO, and then he and R2-D2 fly together to blow up a space station, just like Luke will when he grows up! Oh, and totally out from left field, we learn that Obi-Wan didn't discover him, but it was another Jedi--and it was that Jedi who trained Obi-Wan, not Yoda. And we can learn that Obi-Wan was only in his late 40s or early 50s in the original Star Wars.

Even better, we won't actually see the Clone Wars in the movies, just some minor battles at the beginning and end, and everything else will be left for--oh, man, this is silly--a cartoon that airs on a cable channel devoted entirely to cartoons!

And, just so I can make sure this is just for shits and giggles and there's no chance whatsoever of this prediction actually coming true, there will be a lot of fart jokes from this weird Jamaican alien who was named by George's toddler son.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by vynsane »

anarky wrote:Okay, but just for shits and giggles:

If George Lucas were to make any more Star Wars movies, I'm going to say he should cast that guy who played Darkman in one of them. And one of the guys from LA Law; I'm thinking the one who plays Victor. There should be some connection to the originals; maybe a nephew of the actor who played some minor character like Wedge.

And let's get really fucking silly: When he was a kid, Darth Vader wasn't a navigator on a spice freighter, but a slave boy on Tatooine, and he was born by immaculate conception. He built C-3PO, and then he and R2-D2 fly together to blow up a space station, just like Luke will when he grows up! Oh, and totally out from left field, we learn that Obi-Wan didn't discover him, but it was another Jedi--and it was that Jedi who trained Obi-Wan, not Yoda. And we can learn that Obi-Wan was only in his late 40s or early 50s in the original Star Wars.

Even better, we won't actually see the Clone Wars in the movies, just some minor battles at the beginning and end, and everything else will be left for--oh, man, this is silly--a cartoon that airs on a cable channel devoted entirely to cartoons!

And, just so I can make sure this is just for shits and giggles and there's no chance whatsoever of this prediction actually coming true, there will be a lot of fart jokes from this weird Jamaican alien who was named by George's toddler son.
dude... what in the name of fuck are you smoking? next you're going to tell me that the connection to the force isn't spiritual, but some sort of biological symbiosis.
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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

That's the shittiest fanfiction I have ever read.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Sleazer »

Immaculate Conception refers to Mary's conception without the stain of Original Sin...it has nothing to do with Jesus' conception, so it's not applicable to the Star Wars story of Anakin's conception.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Alex Trebek »

hERE IS A CRAZY ONE: mE, SOME MOTHER FUCKER, rOBIN THE bOY wONDER, AND dARTH vADER TAKE PART IN THE WORLD'S LONGEST ELECTION TO BE MODERATOR OF A DIRTY REST STOP BATHROOM. oNE OF US WILL BE LOCKED INTO AN iMPERIAL PRISON. wHILE IMPRISONED, THAT PERSON WILL GO THROUGH A LIFE CHANGING EVENT.

:D
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Re: It's 1990!

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52. Mad Magazine will be bought out by a large company (let's say Warner Bros, just for fun). It will go to full color on glossy paper, start running ads, stop being subversive, and slowly eliminate the humor. (Let's just say it will become something that would make Gaines spin in his grave.) It will soon be on the verge of cancellation, and no one will care aside from the nostalgia of "Man, remember when Mad was funny?" A TV show will launch based on Mad Magazine and be incredibly unfunny, but will last almost fifteen years despite no one watching it. While this is happening, Cracked magazine will fold, relaunch, and fold again, then come back as a daily magazine, but--get this--a high tech sci-fi sort of magazine, one that you get for free on your computer every day. And, for the first time in its history, Cracked will be funnier than Mad. And it will also serve as an excellent repository of little-known and overlooked historical facts.

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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

53. Flash Thompson (the guy that bullied Peter Parker for years) becomes the new Venom. Except that instead of a villain, he's a Top Secret Military Commando that works for the US Govt. And Captain America has him on speed dial as a secret ass kicking weapon.
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Re: It's 1990!

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You think people will remember Venom after a year or two? I doubt that character has any staying power.
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Re: It's 1990!

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JJREASON is going to get laid this summer!
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

[Allow me to preface that this topic was started in 2010. It is now 2012. I mention this only because I must reference a 1992 film in the following "prediction"]

54. Did you see that Buffy, The Vampire Slayer movie? Damn, that was cornball. Anyway, the guy that wrote that is going to direct a live action Avengers movie in 2012 which has Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, and Thor in it. But only after all those heroes have had their own movies setting up the Avengers movie. It will be the greatest cinematic Super Hero achievement ever.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

Psssh. I'm going to one-up you and say [55] there will be a television show based on Buffy that will be like Star Trek among geeks. The fourth Ninja Turtles movie will feature the star (some unknown actress, not Kristy Swanson, who I'm going to make this completely unbelievable by saying she'll be washed up within a couple of years) as April O'Neil. The other star of Buffy, who plays a character that's not in the movie, will later star on another show with the guy who plays Doogie Howser, who will be the William Shatner of the 21st century.

Oh, and [56] Neil Gaiman is going to stop writing comics and win the Newbery Medal for most outstanding children's book.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

All of that sounds utterly unbelievable. Except the Gaiman thing. I'd believe that one. A 4th TMNT movie?! Puh-leeze.

I can't tell if the Shatner comparison is a complement or a put down.
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Re: It's 1990!

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[57] The best shows on TV will be on HBO. They won't be like that stupid "Dream On" and just be shitty sitcoms that show boobs once per episode. Most will be crime dramas, and they'll have big movie stars (like one of the guys from Lonesome Dove, who I've heard is playing some sort of pink man in an upcoming movie called "Dog in the Reservoir" or something like that) and have all sorts of violence, profanity, and nudity. One of them is going to be a western and star the guy who played Judas in Jesus of Nazareth (if you don't know who that is, they'll show it around Easter) and the brother of the guy from Kung Fu as historical figures from a frontier town. Another show, a comedy, will star a former SNL writer (he co-created that Seinfeld show on NBC; dunno if you've seen it) as an even more misanthropic version of himself.

[58] The funniest show in the history of television will be canceled after three seasons. It will star Jason Bateman (Justine's little brother--he was in a few shows years ago but not much lately except for the Teen Wolf sequel). People will love it so much, a mail-order video place will get the rights to do another season that will be sent to your computer if you subscribe to them.

[59] Bruce Willis will play G.I. Joe in a movie. Yes, he will actually play G.I. Joe, as in the character from the 25th anniversary issue of the comic book.

[60] Speaking of G.I. Joe, a cartoon will be made that re-imagines the Joe team as renegades, very much in the vein of the A-Team, on the run from the law and from a seemingly benevolent Cobra Corporation. It will be a million times better than the original cartoon, and highly regarded among the few people who know it exists and watch it. But Hasbro (who owns the channel it airs on) will want to focus on the sequel to the first awful movie instead and kill it after a season.

[61] There will be legions of grown male My Little Pony collectors, and they will scare everyone with whom they come into contact with their fanatical love for little pink toy ponies.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

62. In a couple years, OJ Simpson kills his wife and her friend. Then he goes free. (But that's not the prediction, I'm just setting up the scenario). Anyway, OJs Lawyer has a bunch of daughters. One of these daughters will get caught on camera fucking a music producer nobody has ever heard of...and as a result, she gets her own TV show and becomes America's biggest star and millions of teenage girls look up to her as a role model.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

I'll bet the music producer is Rick Rubin. Who's heard of him?

[63] Rick Rubin, the co-founder of Def Jam Records, will produce an album by mostly forgotten country singer Johnny Cash (on the verge of a comeback following a collaboration with, let's make it insane, U2), which will catapult Cash to the forefront of country music, and music in general, for the next twenty years, even after his death. Unlike what you'd expect, it's completely bare-bones, just an old man and a guitar. The country music establishment will revile it, but it will win numerous Grammys and result in Rubin becoming the most sought-after producer in music, who will eventually jump-start the career of Neil Diamond as well.
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