It's 1990!

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

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Rollo Tomassi
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It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

It's 1990! And in celebration I am going to make a bunch of wild accusations and predictions on the state of the world twenty years hence (2010). I want you, the forum members of 1990, to speculate on which of my predictions are the most believable and which are utterly impossible bullshit. Ready?

1. Todd McFarlane, the artist on Spider-Man and the Hulk, will run a successful Toy Company and has the licensing rights to make action figures for almost every major sporting franchise including the NFL, NBA, NHL, and the MLB.

2. Jim Lee, the artist on Punisher and X-Men will be Publisher of DC Comics.

3. Rob Liefeld's supporting character Deadpool (from the solicits from issue 98 of New Mutants) will be Marvel's most popular character and have like 5 ongoing titles.

4. Marvel's most successful franchise will be the Avengers. It will have at least four ongoing books with titles like Avengers Academy, Young Avengers, Secret Avengers, New Avengers, etc. They will be the top selling books at Marvel and Spider-Man and Wolverine will be on all the Avengers teams.

5. Steven Spielberg will be Executive Producer on a trilogy of Live-Action Transformers movies. And they will suck.

6. Jerry Bruckheimer will be Executive Producer on a trilogy of movies based on the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disney and they will more awesome than...number 7 on the list. And certainly more awesome than #5.

7. George Lucas will make Episodes 1, 2, and 3. And they will suck compared to the Pirates movies in #6.

8. There will be at least three comicbook movies every year after 2000, and many of them will be the highest grossing movie of the year.

9. There will be a black President. He will be the son of an immigrant Muslim man and a white woman.

10. The director of BadTaste, BrainDead, and Meet the Feebles will make a trilogy based on JRR Tolkein's Lord of the Rings and it will be the greatest cinematic achievement in history. It will star the guy who played Sallah in the Indiana Jones movies, the kid from the Goonies, and the little kid from Avalon.

11. All television shows will fall into two categories. They will be Procedurals, like that old show "Quincy" about forensic scientists. Or they will be "Reality" shows which wont have any actors or scripts, but follow 'real' people around as they compete against each other for money on deserted islands or forced to live together in houses with a million cameras in them.

12. The Simpsons will still be on TV in its 21st season.

13. There will be tiny Star Trek-like communicators that act as computers, telephones, and radios. It will give you access to any information or TV show ever made. It can hold every album you've ever bought (like 200,000 songs) and it fits in your pocket. Every single person on the planet will have one.

14. Disney will buy Marvel Comics. And ABC.

15. Warner Bros and CBS will start a new TV Network and it will have a live-action Superman TV series that runs for 10 years. But Superman never wears his costume or flies during the show. However, every other DC character appears on the show at some point and they DO wear their costumes. Green Arrow, Hawkman, Legion of SuperHeroes. Even the WonderTwins. Everybody.

16. There will be NO flying cars. And NO spacestation on the surface of the Moon.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

17. That dude from U2 will be on the short list for a Nobel Peace Prize every year. He and the other dude from U2 will write the music for a Broadway musical based on Spider-Man.

18. There will only have been one more female vice presidential nominee from a major party.

19. Due to budget constraints in a devastated economy, NASA will end the space shuttle program with no clear replacement planned.

20. Kevin Eastman will buy Heavy Metal, then sell his share of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Peter Laird, who will then sell the property to Nickelodeon.

21. Freddie Mercury will die of AIDS and eventually be replaced in Queen by Paul Rodgers.

22. Jason Todd and Bucky Barnes will return from the dead.

23. Batman's son, the kid from the last panel of Son of the Demon, will be the new Robin. Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne will both be Batmen, and Bruce will hire lots of people in other countries to be Batman as well.

24. A GIJoe movie will be made starring possibly the greatest martial artist in film as Snake Eyes, and will suck even more than the Transformers movie.

25. A live-action Speed Racer film will be better than any of the other movies on this list, but will bomb at the box office.

26. Spider-Man will make a deal with the devil to erase his marriage to Mary Jane in order to save his aunt from dying for what must be the 900th time.

27. Star Wars toys will return and last for years, but begin frustrating collectors after 10-15 years when Hasbro (who will own Kenner at this point) insists on re-doing new figures of the same characters and states that there are many important characters from the movies that they refuse to do.

28. Lisa Bonet will be forgotten, but her husband will be a famous rock star.

29. Steven Tyler, David Hasselhoff, and Sharon Osbourne will all host or judge for TV talent shows.

30. Comic books will be considered blockbuster hits if they sell 10,000 copies.

31. Russia will be essentially ruled by gangsters, China will be the biggest economy on Earth, and those lovable anti-commie freedom fighters in Afghanistan? Yeah, might want to rethink that one.

[This is actually tough to stick with 1990; I kept wanting to drop in references to the 1990s. Like no one is going to know who the hell Hillary Clinton is in 1990.]
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Re: It's 1990!

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Rollo Tomassi wrote:It's 1990! And in celebration I am going to make a bunch of wild accusations and predictions on the state of the world twenty years hence (2010). I want you, the forum members of 1990, to speculate on which of my predictions are the most believable and which are utterly impossible bullshit. Ready?
Being a time travelling robot from the future, I actually know which of these are true and which ones you made up, but I'll play along.
1. Todd McFarlane, the artist on Spider-Man and the Hulk, will run a successful Toy Company and has the licensing rights to make action figures for almost every major sporting franchise including the NFL, NBA, NHL, and the MLB.
I rate this about an 8 on the BS meter. While I believe Todd is a huge Hockey buff, I don't think he's business savvy enough to start a toy company, let alone a successful one. And it would interfere with his main source of income which he will continue doing the rest of his life. Which is draw comics.
2. Jim Lee, the artist on Punisher and X-Men will be Publisher of DC Comics.
Is it possible to bury the BS needle? Jim Lee is Marvel for life. And he's an artist.
3. Rob Liefeld's supporting character Deadpool (from the solicits from issue 98 of New Mutants) will be Marvel's most popular character and have like 5 ongoing titles.
While Rob is adept at creating characters (except Cable. pssshh THAT guy will be long forgotten in twenty years.) I don't see ANY character having that many multiple ongoing titles. Maybe a mini series or two. I give this one a 5
4. Marvel's most successful franchise will be the Avengers. It will have at least four ongoing books with titles like Avengers Academy, Young Avengers, Secret Avengers, New Avengers, etc. They will be the top selling books at Marvel and Spider-Man and Wolverine will be on all the Avengers teams.
Ha! Are you kidding me? What kind of stupid names for books are those? And X-men will ALWAYS be THE Marvel Franchise. Its been hot for almost twenty years and no signs of stopping. I mean, you got Jim Lee on X-Men, Whilce Portacio of X-Factor, Rob Liefeld on New Mutants, and Marc Silvestri on Wolverine. Add McFarlane and Erik Larsen on the Spidey books and its Golden Time for Marvel. Trust me, those guys are the future of Marvel and will be around for years.
5. Steven Spielberg will be Executive Producer on a trilogy of Live-Action Transformers movies. And they will suck.

6. Jerry Bruckheimer will be Executive Producer on a trilogy of movies based on the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disney and they will more awesome than...number 7 on the list. And certainly more awesome than #5.

7. George Lucas will make Episodes 1, 2, and 3. And they will suck compared to the Pirates movies in #6.
Okay, it's impossible for the StarWars prequels OR a live action Transformers franchise to suck. They are just too awesome. Their awesomeness is immune to the concept of suck. And Pirates of the Carribean? Did you just randomly pull that out of your ass? At least pick something beliveable if you're going to lie... Collectively a 10 on the BS meter.
8. There will be at least three comicbook movies every year after 2000, and many of them will be the highest grossing movie of the year.
While I admit the success of Batman suggests further comic book films, I think a minimum of three per year is straining credulity. If they make an X-Men movie, I think that the guy that plays Picard on the new Star Trek should be Professor X. This one is the most believable BS on your list. I rate it a 4.
9. There will be a black President. He will be the son of an immigrant Muslim man and a white woman.
Oh please. He's muslim AND he's from a mixed couple? Sure. To top it off, make him a pothead as well. And I bet his vice president is a closeted bulldyke who's in a beard marriage to an ex-president. Okay, if not VP, at least Secretary of State. C'mon. That's more BS than the Jim Lee one, and that one was pretty fuckin' unbelievable.
10. The director of BadTaste, BrainDead, and Meet the Feebles will make a trilogy based on JRR Tolkein's Lord of the Rings and it will be the greatest cinematic achievement in history. It will star the guy who played Sallah in the Indiana Jones movies, the kid from the Goonies, and the little kid from Avalon.
Now, I could see someone like Lucas or Speilberg tackling this, but not some schlock horrormeister like Jackson. That's like saying the Evil Dead guy directs the Amazing Spider-Man movies. And no studio would agree to three films without seeing how the first one would do. And you couldnt just do the Fellowship as a film by itself. It's all fucking talk. The Council of Elrond? Boring! They would do the entire trilogy of books as one film. This rates a 7 of BS.
11. All television shows will fall into two categories. They will be Procedurals, like that old show "Quincy" about forensic scientists. Or they will be "Reality" shows which wont have any actors or scripts, but follow 'real' people around as they compete against each other for money on deserted islands or forced to live together in houses with a million cameras in them.
So every TV show is just a bunch of guys dusting for fingerprints? Sure. Maybe they could make it exciting by having each show dusting for fingerprints in a different city. ooh! These guys are dusting for prints in New York! And these guys are dusting for prints in Vegas! And here again in Miami! Your future is sounding stupid and unbelievable. 8.
12. The Simpsons will still be on TV in its 21st season.
So does that mean Bart will be the head of the household and have kids of his own? Pffft. Haw haw. Thats about an 8 on the BS meter.
13. There will be tiny Star Trek-like communicators that act as computers, telephones, and radios. It will give you access to any information or TV show ever made. It can hold every album you've ever bought (like 200,000 songs) and it fits in your pocket. Every single person on the planet will have one.
Again, you go too far. If you had said JUST telephone or JUST radios, it would have been believable. but you have to take everything one step too far into the absurd. This is a 9 on the BS meter.
14. Disney will buy Marvel Comics. And ABC.
If anything, Marvel would buy Disney. And ABC? What? Hello, random. This whole list is becoming insipid.
15. Warner Bros and CBS will start a new TV Network and it will have a live-action Superman TV series that runs for 10 years. But Superman never wears his costume or flies during the show. However, every other DC character appears on the show at some point and they DO wear their costumes. Green Arrow, Hawkman, Legion of SuperHeroes. Even the WonderTwins. Everybody.
First off, why would CBS start up a rival network? That doesn't make any sense. Secondly, I realize you got this idea because Fox just started their own network, but that thing is already on its back legs and wont last another two years. So to think there could be FIVE networks is ludicrous. And then there's the whole "no flights, no tights" thing. No network would agree to a Superman show and then NOT have him being Superman. I can almost buy the ten year thing if the rest of it wasn't such BS. I give it a 6.
16. There will be NO flying cars. And NO spacestation on the surface of the Moon.
Hmmm.. That I agree with. Traffic laws would get too convoluted with flying automobiles. And there's no scientific purpose for a longtime permanent moonbase.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Bill S Preston »

Being as how I am a time-traveling dude, I can answer the next batch, dude!
17. That dude from U2 will be on the short list for a Nobel Peace Prize every year. He and the other dude from U2 will write the music for a Broadway musical based on Spider-Man.
Yeah, right. Music will have moved on and U2 will have broken up ages before 2010. And Spider-Man can't even have a movie, dude, so why a musical?
18. There will only have been one more female vice presidential nominee from a major party.
Naw, dude, Geraldine Ferraro totally shattered that glass ceiling!
19. Due to budget constraints in a devastated economy, NASA will end the space shuttle program with no clear replacement planned.
You're just being stupid now, dude. NASA will probably end the shuttle program by 1997, but only because something way cooler is around.
20. Kevin Eastman will buy Heavy Metal, then sell his share of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Peter Laird, who will then sell the property to Nickelodeon.
What? Why would anyone sell the Ninja Turtles? Much less both of them. You see the header on the comic? "Eastman and Laird's." It'll be that way forever, dude. Or at least until 1996, when no one cares. And what the hell would Nickelodeon do with them, have them as regulars on Danger Mouse or maybe on You Can't Do That on Television?
21. Freddie Mercury will die of AIDS and eventually be replaced in Queen by Paul Rodgers.
The first part doesn't sound too off, since I think he might be gay, but Paul Rodgers? What's next, the dude from the Cure singing with the Doors?
22. Jason Todd and Bucky Barnes will return from the dead.
Never happen. I bet you think Jean Grey will die again, too. Ha, and maybe Cyclops will hook up with one of those Queens from the Hellfire Club.
23. Batman's son, the kid from the last panel of Son of the Demon, will be the new Robin. Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne will both be Batmen, and Bruce will hire lots of people in other countries to be Batman as well.
That sounds like serious bullshit, dude. That's going into Adam West territory, and, now that Burton has made such a great movie that shows how serious Batman is, West will never be allowed within a thousand miles of Batman again. Even if there are three Batman TV series between now and 2010, I guarantee you West won't show up on a single one!
24. A GIJoe movie will be made starring possibly the greatest martial artist in film as Snake Eyes, and will suck even more than the Transformers movie.
I like the idea of Jean-Claude Van Damme as Snake Eyes, but you're crazy. A GIJoe movie would rock almost as much as a Transformers movie.
25. A live-action Speed Racer film will be better than any of the other movies on this list, but will bomb at the box office.
People remember Speed Racer?
26. Spider-Man will make a deal with the devil to erase his marriage to Mary Jane in order to save his aunt from dying for what must be the 900th time.
Spider-Man's marriage will stand the test of time, dude. It's called "shaking up the status quo."
27. Star Wars toys will return and last for years, but begin frustrating collectors after 10-15 years when Hasbro (who will own Kenner at this point) insists on re-doing new figures of the same characters and states that there are many important characters from the movies that they refuse to do.
Did you actually buy the toys? Or did your mom pass on all the obscure aliens they made and just buy you five Darth Vaders? That's moronic.
28. Lisa Bonet will be forgotten, but her husband will be a famous rock star.
I wish this could be true, but the Cosby empire will last forever. "A Different World" might be gone, but there will be some new show where Denise is the mother. As for Romeo Blue, someone told me he put out an album that was okay, but he won't be going anywhere.
29. Steven Tyler, David Hasselhoff, and Sharon Osbourne will all host or judge for TV talent shows.
Ha ha ha ha! This is almost as crazy as if you'd said Steven Tyler could stay off the hard drugs for twenty years. And who the hell is Sharon Osbourne? Is she related to Ozzy?
30. Comic books will be considered blockbuster hits if they sell 10,000 copies.
Maybe 10,000 copies per city.
31. Russia will be essentially ruled by gangsters, China will be the biggest economy on Earth, and those lovable anti-commie freedom fighters in Afghanistan? Yeah, might want to rethink that one.
You're insane. Russia's going to be a democracy, and China will fall soon. The Afghan people will obviously go with the rest of the world and be a democracy, too, and probably our strongest ally.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Zero »

anarky wrote:17. That dude from U2 will be on the short list for a Nobel Peace Prize every year. He and the other dude from U2 will write the music for a Broadway musical based on Spider-Man.
Ha. The Nopel Prize's standards must be slippin'. They might as well give it to Rollo's 'black president' just for being a black president. The Spidey musical is a nice touch though.
18. There will only have been one more female vice presidential nominee from a major party.
I'm sure there will be plenty of women Presidential noms in the next twenty years. Not just Veeps. I mean, Margaret Thatcher..hello?
19. Due to budget constraints in a devastated economy, NASA will end the space shuttle program with no clear replacement planned.
What? The shuttles were desinged to be reused over and over. Mothballing them defeats their original purpose. You make no sense.
20. Kevin Eastman will buy Heavy Metal, then sell his share of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Peter Laird, who will then sell the property to Nickelodeon.
Double what? Did you SEE the movie? The franchise is worth billions. nobody would sell that on purpose.
21. Freddie Mercury will die of AIDS and eventually be replaced in Queen by Paul Rodgers.
Actually, that one I can buy. The Paul Rodgers part is a tad random, but...
22. Jason Todd and Bucky Barnes will return from the dead.
People PAID to kill Jason Todd off. Bringing him back would be a breach of ethics or contractor something. And Bucky Barnes is the ONE guy that has to stay dead at Marvel, or death itself becomes a joke. I think it's like a rule at Marvel, its on a plaque in their lobby or something that Bucky stays dead. i read that somewhere.
23. Batman's son, the kid from the last panel of Son of the Demon, will be the new Robin. Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne will both be Batmen, and Bruce will hire lots of people in other countries to be Batman as well.
That sounds like a stupid thing editoral would do to increase sales. They should go in the other direction and make Batman more real and cerebral. You know who would be awesome on Batman? Grant Morrison. His Animal Man was wicked and his Graphic Novel Arkham Asylum was just the shot the Batman Franchise would need. he'd never go for that "Batman, Inc" shit. or the Son of Batman shit either. Dude, that shit is retarded.
24. A GIJoe movie will be made starring possibly the greatest martial artist in film as Snake Eyes, and will suck even more than the Transformers movie.
By definition, nothing could be as awesome as Transformers. And nobody would believe Jackie Chan as Snake Eyes. But if they based a GIJoe movie on the crtoon instead of the comics, I can see it sucking. Depends on the director.
25. A live-action Speed Racer film will be better than any of the other movies on this list, but will bomb at the box office.
Of course it would bomb at the box office.
26. Spider-Man will make a deal with the devil to erase his marriage to Mary Jane in order to save his aunt from dying for what must be the 900th time.
Do you know nothing of comics? A hero making a 'Deal with the Devil' would never make it past Marvel editorial oversight. The EiC would kill that shit faster than Raid kills roaches.
27. Star Wars toys will return and last for years, but begin frustrating collectors after 10-15 years when Hasbro (who will own Kenner at this point) insists on re-doing new figures of the same characters and states that there are many important characters from the movies that they refuse to do.
hahahaha! Hasbro owns Kenner. You lost me right there! Ha! Imagine Mr. Potatohead as Darth Vader! Hee hee!
28. Lisa Bonet will be forgotten, but her husband will be a famous rock star.
Lisa Bonet has got some sweet ass titties.
29. Steven Tyler, David Hasselhoff, and Sharon Osbourne will all host or judge for TV talent shows.
TV talent shows? WTF? Television will never be so desperate as to scrape the barrel by mining High School ideas. What's next High School Musical: The Movie?
30. Comic books will be considered blockbuster hits if they sell 10,000 copies.
Not even the worst indie comic survives on 10K. Its not even worth printng that few copies.

Code: Select all

31. Russia will be essentially ruled by gangsters, China will be the biggest economy on Earth, and those lovable anti-commie freedom fighters in Afghanistan? Yeah, might want to rethink that one.
Russia is going to be invaded by Italians? China will be taken over by America? Stop your silly talk.

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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

anarky wrote:[This is actually tough to stick with 1990; I kept wanting to drop in references to the 1990s. Like no one is going to know who the hell Hillary Clinton is in 1990.]
[originally, the LOTR one said the kid from Rudy. Then I was going to go on a tangent how the fat guy from Rudy directs the Iron Man movies, but only after he stars as Foggy Nelson in a Daredevil movie. But then I looked up Rudy and it was from '93 or'94. Hoodwinked by mine own rules!]
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

32. Circuit City will close all its stores, and Blockbuster Video will likely go out of business, too.

33. Oliver Stone will direct a sequel to Wall Street, starring Michael Douglas and the flavor-of-the-month talentless young actor.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Negative Boy »

Hey, I wanna play! This looks like fun!

34. Someone will win an Academy Award playing the Joker in a Batman movie.

35. The guy that directs Rollo's shitty Transformers trilogy will get his big break making a buddy cop action film that stars the guy from Martin and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

36. Ooh! And the Fresh Prince guy will go on to become one of the biggest boxoffice draws EVER. Bigger than Arnold and Stallone and Willis even.

37. The fat kid from Stand By Me will grow up, get ripped and buff, get a law degree, marry a hot ass model-actress, and then star as a lawyer on TV. Oh and for shits and giggles, the hot wife stars in the X-Men movie.

38. Oprah Winfrey will be the most powerful person on Television. She will have her own network filled entirely with talk shows.

39. ABC will remake Gilligan's Island into an hourlong drama and it will be one of the most popular, critically acclaimed TV shows of all time. But it will have a different, much shorter name.

40. The kid from Empire of the Sun will grow up to be the formost action star and play characters like John Connor in the Terminator franchise as well as Batman.

41. Speaking of Batman, gay men will be directors on several superhero films including Batman, X-Men, and the Superman reboot.

42. And James Cameron, the director of Terminator and Aliens will become box office champion, shattering Star Wars' record by almost 100% with a foofy love story period piece about the sinking of the Titanic. Then he'll not make another film for 12 years, then break his own box office record by almost 100% again by making a live action Smurfs movie that takes place in a Yes Album cover. Except he turns it into an action movie and Gargamel is an evil Military commander.
GOD! That is so STUPID!! You are WRONG!!

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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

I've got one, and it's a doozy. See if you can stick with me, 'cause I was smoking some heavy duty crack when I came up with this weird prediction.

43. The Punisher will become Marvel's most popular character, carrying as many as five ongoing titles at a time. At one point, he will become a black man and team up with Power Man. Then his star will begin to fade, and he'll get a stylish haircut like that Captain Planet guy on that cartoon that just started (you know, where it's long in the back and short up front) and fake his death. And then he really will die, but angels will send him back as a supernatural vigilante who hunts demons. He'll come back from that somehow (and it'll never be explained) and briefly experiment with a symbiote and a paramilitary Captain America costume before he's killed again and hacked to pieces by Wolverine's son, who is a bad guy and has a mohawk, and a bunch of second-stringers like Morbius will rebuild him into a Frankenstein knockoff. (Would it be pushing the credibility of this weirdo shit too far to add that they'll actually rename his book "Frankencastle"?)
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

anarky wrote:I've got one, and it's a doozy. See if you can stick with me, 'cause I was smoking some heavy duty crack when I came up with this weird prediction.

43. The Punisher will become Marvel's most popular character, carrying as many as five ongoing titles at a time. At one point, he will become a black man and team up with Power Man. Then his star will begin to fade, and he'll get a stylish haircut like that Captain Planet guy on that cartoon that just started (you know, where it's long in the back and short up front) and fake his death. And then he really will die, but angels will send him back as a supernatural vigilante who hunts demons. He'll come back from that somehow (and it'll never be explained) and briefly experiment with a symbiote and a paramilitary Captain America costume before he's killed again and hacked to pieces by Wolverine's son, who is a bad guy and has a mohawk, and a bunch of second-stringers like Morbius will rebuild him into a Frankenstein knockoff. (Would it be pushing the credibility of this weirdo shit too far to add that they'll actually rename his book "Frankencastle"?)
Oh c'mon you guys. I was at last trying to make them semi-realistic, if a bit farfetched. Might as well make the son of Wolverine gay while you're at it. I mean, Frankencastle? Really?

Fine. if we're playing that game...

44. Take every stupid idea you've had for Marvel. Stuff no editor would even remotely consider. No say it out loud in a Scottish accent. Imagine a hypothetical drunk Scotsman pitching your stupid ideas to the EiC and them APPROVING every idea! In the future, that Scotsman will be one of Marvel's most popular writers and have movie deals based on stuff like 'What if Batman wore white, but he was really the Joker?' or 'What if Wolverine fought T-Rex possesed by the Venom symbiote before he fights Captain America who is really the Red Skull who is President of the United States now?'
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Ran »

45. That dude that played Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High will become a serious actor and political activist.

46. Even though Field of Dreams was good, Kevin Costner's movies will get progressively worse. By the end of the century, no one will pay attention to his movies even though he averages one per year.

47. Remember how cool Tom Cruise was back in the 80s? Yeah, lets see how long that lasts.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

48. Mel Gibson will make two more Lethal Weapon films and several more good movies, including a movie about a Scottish revolution in the early middle ages and a highly fictionalized account of a Revolutionary War hero. Then he will make a movie about the crucifixion of Jesus that is essentially a snuff film, and entirely in Aramaic, and descend into anti-Semitic madness the likes of which haven't been seen in Hollywood history.

49. The original lineups of several older bands, including Fleetwood Mac, the Eagles, and KISS, will reform (and KISS will go back to their makeup) to great hype, and each will release an album that doesn't do much for older fans or a new generation.

50. The guy who played Bill S. Preston, Esquire, will amount to absolutely nothing in Hollywood, despite his having been in other movies. The guy who played Ted "Theodore" Logan, however, will become a huge star, despite his having absolutely no acting ability.

51. John Lovitz will fade into obscurity following a few bad movies. Phil Hartmann will be shot by his crazy ex-wife. Dana Carvey will go into semi-retirement following a fight with cancer. Both Dennis Miller and Victoria Jackson will become conservative commentators and think they're still funny even though they're not. Meanwhile, Saturday Night Live will become the most unfunny 90 minutes on TV.

52. Paul Reubens' career as Pee Wee Herman will be stopped dead when he's arrested for masturbating in a movie theater. Over a decade later, he will re-emerge as Pee Wee, but appeal more to adults than kids.

53. Ice Cube? Eddie Murphy? They'll both be starring in bad family movies, having forgotten how to swear.

54. The compact disc will make the LP record and cassette tape both obsolete, then be obsolete itself when Apple Computer starts selling songs over a high-speed modem connection.

55. Dinosaurs had feathers, Triceratops was a young version of a lesser-known dinosaur, Mars had primitive bacteria at one point, and Pluto isn't a planet. Oh, and scientists will know exactly what killed the dinosaurs (an asteroid) and where it hit (the Yucatan Peninsula).

56. If you hate Warrant, Winger, Poison, and Whitesnake, you're in luck. That genre won't last much longer. What replaces them won't be any better, though.
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Senor JabbaJohnL
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by Senor JabbaJohnL »

anarky wrote:27. Star Wars toys will return and last for years, but begin frustrating collectors after 10-15 years when Hasbro (who will own Kenner at this point) insists on re-doing new figures of the same characters and states that there are many important characters from the movies that they refuse to do.
50. Even more unbelievable, people will think that Ben Quadinaros, Jocasta Nu, and the Tonnika Sisters are "important characters." :lol:

51. On the same subject, people will not understand that main characters remaining on shelves is important to the health of an action figure line. When the company makes new versions of popular characters, fans bitch. When the company re-releases older versions of popular characters, fans bitch. It's a wonder toy company employees haven't all committed suicide.
Zero wrote: Oh please. He's muslim AND he's from a mixed couple? Sure. To top it off, make him a pothead as well. And I bet his vice president is a closeted bulldyke who's in a beard marriage to an ex-president. Okay, if not VP, at least Secretary of State. C'mon. That's more BS than the Jim Lee one, and that one was pretty fuckin' unbelievable.
Wait, is Zero supposed to be ultraconservative, or was this just part of the joke? We all realize he's not Muslim, yes?
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anarky
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Re: It's 1990!

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Okay, I've heard of these Tonnika sisters before, but who the hell are Ben Quadinaros and Jocasta Nu? The first sounds like maybe a Rebel pilot or cantina patron, but that second name, yeesh. That's awful, like some bad biteoff of Sophocles. Next you'll be saying they'll come up with stupid-sounding names like Governor Grievous or something like that.

Your other comment about the figures, well, who's done that? Kenner kept their Star Wars figures around the whole time, but I think someone told me that they made a few minor changes, like the Jawa originally had a plastic cape. I never saw that, so I doubt it exists. Hasbro occasionally does new versions of figures, like Hooded Cobra Commander or Powermaster Optimus Prime, and they even put out a third Snake Eyes last year. But I doubt we see Snake Eyes again anytime soon, certainly not for another two years. They'd never do something stupid, like "Hoth Chewbacca" or movie-specific Vaders. That makes no sense. That would be as stupid as if they made something like a big talking holographic Emperor head or Sergeant Slaughter, then made them exclusives to, I dunno, a comic book convention.
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Re: It's 1990!

Post by anarky »

By the way, why do so many of these predictions have to do with Star Wars? Most people have forgotten it existed. As much as I love George Lucas--the man is a genius, no doubt--I don't think he's going to do any more Star Wars movies. It'd be awesome to see the other nine movies he talked about, but, face it, it's not going to happen. He moved on. He just wrapped up the Indiana Jones series, and I guarantee you we'll see Willow 2 and 3 within a couple of years.

But Star Wars? Not going to happen. The world has moved on, and it's not Star Trek, where you can just keep adding stuff to it forever.

I did hear somewhere that some sci-fi writer I've never heard of (Tommy Zane?) is working on a Star Wars book that should be out next year. Mark my words, that book is going to bomb, because only a small handful of nerds care anymore. When it does, that'll be the final nail in the coffin of your chances of ever seeing the other nine Star Wars movies.
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