Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

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Diabolical
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby Diabolical » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:40 pm

Annoyed by too many of the hot chicks I'm friends with posting bad pics that they really should have though twice about, I figure a post like this would probably piss some people off and significantly drop your friend count.

"Attention [fill in the blank of all the hot girls you're friends with on fb]: Stop posting pics of yourself that make you less attractive that normal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to jerk off to your pics when you're fully clothed, let alone looking nowhere near as hot as usual?"
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
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anarky
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby anarky » Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:21 pm

"...just found out he suffers from a genetic disease. He lacks the gene that finds Alec Baldwin entertaining."

"So, that's what shit tastes like? I wonder why it's not in more Italian food?"
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Fri Dec 17, 2010 2:37 pm

"Is it still called a goiter if its near your genetalia?"

"The doctor at the VD clinic ripped a huge fart, but I pretended I didn't notice. Now I'm headed to the bar for Ladies Night!" (actually that one is more of a tweet.)
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie

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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby unlimitedpudding » Wed Jan 19, 2011 11:15 pm

"Just discovered that the fleshlight is a great place to hide things when you aren't using it"

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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby anarky » Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:39 am

I'll post this sequence in chronological order, rather than the reverse chronological order Facebook uses:

Steve Duncelmeyer
God damn, Mary Lou Retton is hot!
Three days ago

Steve Duncelmeyer likes Mary Lou Retton.
Two days ago

Steve Duncelmeyer joined the group 1,000,000 Mary Lou Retton fans can't be wrong!
Two days ago

Steve Duncelmeyer changed his profile picture.
marylou.jpg
marylou.jpg (11.84 KiB) Viewed 2841 times
Two days ago

Steve Duncelmeyer
I don't understand why women don't return your phone calls.
One day ago

Steve Duncelmeyer started using Celebrity Address Finder.
One day ago

Steve Duncelmeyer is at Lowe's
One day ago

Steve Duncelmeyer
What a deal on duct tape!
One day ago

Steve Duncelmeyer
I'm not a violent person. I totally respect women. I'd never abuse anyone. But if I did, it'd be Mary Lou Retton. 'Cause she's totally asking for it. Just saying.
Fourteen hours ago

Steve Duncelmeyer
Big plans for the evening! Wish me luck!
Five hours ago

Steve Duncelmeyer is at Mary Lou Retton's house!!!!!
Five seconds ago via Facebook Mobile
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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anarky
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby anarky » Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:04 am

"As of [today's date], I can no longer honestly claim that I've never accidentally come across a relative's sex tape online."

(This works best if you have a large family that's mostly on Facebook. And, no, this is not based on anything that actually happened, just a stupid idea I had.)
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:08 pm

That last one is fucking brilliant.

I'm not on facebook, but my little sister is, and we've got a huge extended family, a lot of them on fb too. My dad came from a family of seven kids and each of those kids had 3-5 children, so we've got like 40 cousins. And plenty of them married and had kids and a lot of them are on facebook too.
I'm just imagining the hypothetical drama... :D
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie

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anarky
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby anarky » Fri Mar 11, 2011 4:55 pm

"...would rather fuck you."
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:06 pm

"Just dropped a bunch of lead based toys off at the Toys for Tots box. That's gonna net me a huge deduction on next years taxes!"




"Just found out my wife is pregnant. Which is strange because I only fuck her in the butt. "
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie

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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby jjreason » Wed Sep 21, 2011 4:25 pm

... wishes HIS/HER workplace would quash their don't ask don't tell policy!

... will be going away for a little while.

... hopes that was a female!

BUT the #1 most likely status update to garner a response is....


.... JUST HIT THE LOTTERY!!!
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Pork Cutlet! Pork Cutlet will know.... the truuuuuth......

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Diabolical
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby Diabolical » Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:36 pm

"I LOVE the new Facebook update! Everything is so much better and easier now and it all makes perfect sense! God Bless you, Mark Zuckerberg!"
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
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*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.

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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Fri Sep 23, 2011 12:44 pm

...wishes you would stop thinking about how large my penis is.
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie

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jjreason
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby jjreason » Fri Sep 23, 2011 2:57 pm

The "real time" updates on peoples' status changes is so terrible... I can't even quantify how terrible it is. Just really terrible.
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Catchiest Catch Phrase 2008

Pork Cutlet! Pork Cutlet will know.... the truuuuuth......

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anarky
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby anarky » Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:08 pm

"From this point on, ALL Facebook status updates are to raise awareness of breast cancer. This will eliminate the need to post bra colors, hearts, messages about traveling across the country for months, and other silliness that people think is clever but really only requires Google and two seconds for everyone else to figure out.
Please repost this to spread the word (and awareness of breast cancer, of course) and put a stop to the nonsense. 99% of Facebook users will not repost this. The 1% of us that do will continue to ignore your little games which really don't do a thing about treating or raising awareness of breast cancer."

And, yes, I'm very seriously considering posting that.
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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vynsane
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses

Postby vynsane » Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:13 pm

HA, i would repost that, if i were to use facebook often enough.
Life is short. STUNT IT!


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