Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
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- Diabolical
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 7080
- Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:40 pm
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
Annoyed by too many of the hot chicks I'm friends with posting bad pics that they really should have though twice about, I figure a post like this would probably piss some people off and significantly drop your friend count.
"Attention [fill in the blank of all the hot girls you're friends with on fb]: Stop posting pics of yourself that make you less attractive that normal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to jerk off to your pics when you're fully clothed, let alone looking nowhere near as hot as usual?"
"Attention [fill in the blank of all the hot girls you're friends with on fb]: Stop posting pics of yourself that make you less attractive that normal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to jerk off to your pics when you're fully clothed, let alone looking nowhere near as hot as usual?"
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17627
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"...just found out he suffers from a genetic disease. He lacks the gene that finds Alec Baldwin entertaining."
"So, that's what shit tastes like? I wonder why it's not in more Italian food?"
"So, that's what shit tastes like? I wonder why it's not in more Italian food?"
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Rollo Tomassi
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 3000
- Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:40 pm
- Location: In a Long Box, bagged and boarded
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"Is it still called a goiter if its near your genetalia?"
"The doctor at the VD clinic ripped a huge fart, but I pretended I didn't notice. Now I'm headed to the bar for Ladies Night!" (actually that one is more of a tweet.)
"The doctor at the VD clinic ripped a huge fart, but I pretended I didn't notice. Now I'm headed to the bar for Ladies Night!" (actually that one is more of a tweet.)
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
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- sloth
- Posts: 200
- Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2008 8:32 pm
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"Just discovered that the fleshlight is a great place to hide things when you aren't using it"
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17627
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
I'll post this sequence in chronological order, rather than the reverse chronological order Facebook uses:
Steve Duncelmeyer
God damn, Mary Lou Retton is hot!
Three days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer likes Mary Lou Retton.
Two days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer joined the group 1,000,000 Mary Lou Retton fans can't be wrong!
Two days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer changed his profile picture. Two days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
I don't understand why women don't return your phone calls.
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer started using Celebrity Address Finder.
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer is at Lowe's
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
What a deal on duct tape!
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
I'm not a violent person. I totally respect women. I'd never abuse anyone. But if I did, it'd be Mary Lou Retton. 'Cause she's totally asking for it. Just saying.
Fourteen hours ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
Big plans for the evening! Wish me luck!
Five hours ago
Steve Duncelmeyer is at Mary Lou Retton's house!!!!!
Five seconds ago via Facebook Mobile
Steve Duncelmeyer
God damn, Mary Lou Retton is hot!
Three days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer likes Mary Lou Retton.
Two days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer joined the group 1,000,000 Mary Lou Retton fans can't be wrong!
Two days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer changed his profile picture. Two days ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
I don't understand why women don't return your phone calls.
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer started using Celebrity Address Finder.
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer is at Lowe's
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
What a deal on duct tape!
One day ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
I'm not a violent person. I totally respect women. I'd never abuse anyone. But if I did, it'd be Mary Lou Retton. 'Cause she's totally asking for it. Just saying.
Fourteen hours ago
Steve Duncelmeyer
Big plans for the evening! Wish me luck!
Five hours ago
Steve Duncelmeyer is at Mary Lou Retton's house!!!!!
Five seconds ago via Facebook Mobile
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17627
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"As of [today's date], I can no longer honestly claim that I've never accidentally come across a relative's sex tape online."
(This works best if you have a large family that's mostly on Facebook. And, no, this is not based on anything that actually happened, just a stupid idea I had.)
(This works best if you have a large family that's mostly on Facebook. And, no, this is not based on anything that actually happened, just a stupid idea I had.)
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Rollo Tomassi
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 3000
- Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:40 pm
- Location: In a Long Box, bagged and boarded
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
That last one is fucking brilliant.
I'm not on facebook, but my little sister is, and we've got a huge extended family, a lot of them on fb too. My dad came from a family of seven kids and each of those kids had 3-5 children, so we've got like 40 cousins. And plenty of them married and had kids and a lot of them are on facebook too.
I'm just imagining the hypothetical drama...
I'm not on facebook, but my little sister is, and we've got a huge extended family, a lot of them on fb too. My dad came from a family of seven kids and each of those kids had 3-5 children, so we've got like 40 cousins. And plenty of them married and had kids and a lot of them are on facebook too.
I'm just imagining the hypothetical drama...
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17627
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"...would rather fuck you."
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Rollo Tomassi
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 3000
- Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:40 pm
- Location: In a Long Box, bagged and boarded
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"Just dropped a bunch of lead based toys off at the Toys for Tots box. That's gonna net me a huge deduction on next years taxes!"
"Just found out my wife is pregnant. Which is strange because I only fuck her in the butt. "
"Just found out my wife is pregnant. Which is strange because I only fuck her in the butt. "
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
- jjreason
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 8041
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
- Location: Out there somewhere.
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
... wishes HIS/HER workplace would quash their don't ask don't tell policy!
... will be going away for a little while.
... hopes that was a female!
BUT the #1 most likely status update to garner a response is....
.... JUST HIT THE LOTTERY!!!
... will be going away for a little while.
... hopes that was a female!
BUT the #1 most likely status update to garner a response is....
.... JUST HIT THE LOTTERY!!!
"Something inside me....."
- Diabolical
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 7080
- Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:40 pm
- Location: Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"I LOVE the new Facebook update! Everything is so much better and easier now and it all makes perfect sense! God Bless you, Mark Zuckerberg!"
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.
- Rollo Tomassi
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
- Posts: 3000
- Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:40 pm
- Location: In a Long Box, bagged and boarded
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
...wishes you would stop thinking about how large my penis is.
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
- jjreason
- (includes alternate sneering hissy fit head sculpt)
- Posts: 8041
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 1:14 am
- Location: Out there somewhere.
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
The "real time" updates on peoples' status changes is so terrible... I can't even quantify how terrible it is. Just really terrible.
"Something inside me....."
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
- Posts: 17627
- Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 4:50 pm
- Location: Fucking shit up, yo!
Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
"From this point on, ALL Facebook status updates are to raise awareness of breast cancer. This will eliminate the need to post bra colors, hearts, messages about traveling across the country for months, and other silliness that people think is clever but really only requires Google and two seconds for everyone else to figure out.
Please repost this to spread the word (and awareness of breast cancer, of course) and put a stop to the nonsense. 99% of Facebook users will not repost this. The 1% of us that do will continue to ignore your little games which really don't do a thing about treating or raising awareness of breast cancer."
And, yes, I'm very seriously considering posting that.
Please repost this to spread the word (and awareness of breast cancer, of course) and put a stop to the nonsense. 99% of Facebook users will not repost this. The 1% of us that do will continue to ignore your little games which really don't do a thing about treating or raising awareness of breast cancer."
And, yes, I'm very seriously considering posting that.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- vynsane
- master of the universe
- Posts: 6204
- Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2002 11:16 pm
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Re: Facebook status updates guaranteed to get some responses
HA, i would repost that, if i were to use facebook often enough.
Life is short. STUNT IT!