Three Random Thoughts (aka Randolph Mantooth!)

[Rollo Tornassi]

1. In my world, Al Roker is still fat.

2. In my world, Fran Drescher is a total cougar. (no annoying voice and no butter face)

3. In my world, Chik-Fil-A supports gay marriage.

[arnaky]

3. In my world, Chik-Fil-A supports gay marriage.

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Arnold? In our world, all gay marriages have to be performed at Chik-Fil-A or they're not legal!

Fran Drescher was really hot in that fifth UHF movie that came out last year, too.

[anarky]

I want to start saying ridiculous and borderline (?) offensive things at random. Like if one of my kids is in a store and asks for a truck, I'll yell, "How many times do I have to tell you, trucks are for black people?"

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I want to start saying ridiculous and borderline (?) offensive things at random. Like if one of my kids is in a store and asks for a truck, I'll yell, "How many times do I have to tell you, trucks are for black people?"

I want to walk into a Catholic Church and ask where do I sign up for the child molestation class.


And since youre due two more random thoughts...

"Nuclear Ghost Town" sounds like a cool name for something. A rock band. A video game. Something.

Saw an ad for Jurassic Park 3D. That girl that played the sister never really acted after that movie.

[vynsane]

I want to start saying ridiculous and borderline (?) offensive things at random. Like if one of my kids is in a store and asks for a truck, I'll yell, "How many times do I have to tell you, trucks are for black people?"

i think that's how tourette's syndrome starts.

[anarky]

If Amazon had an exclusive Optimus Prime figure, would he ship free?

[Jargo]

Adolf Hitler became a Nazi dictator after he failed big time in art school. We should be worried about Rob Liefeld.

If there are 60 lego bricks to every person on the planet that means there are 420,000,000,000 bricks currently lying around. plastic takes on estimate between 500 and 1,000 years to break down. So, long after us humans have annihilated each other in dumbass wars, all that will be left is cockroaches, tardigrades and ants building fabulous Lego fortresses.

Women's shoes. Why? All they do is complain about their feet hurting all the time so why wear the fucking things that cause the pain then? There are no creatures on this planet with stiletto feet. even cloven hooved animals have four legs to take the strain. And what's with all the straps and 'peep' toes? feet are disgusting. Why would you think anyone wants to see your crusty mangled trotters? Seriously put 'em away in sensible shoes for walking and stop inflicting your hideous 'little piggies' on us.

[Diabolical]

feet are disgusting. Why would you think anyone wants to see your crusty mangled trotters? Seriously put 'em away in sensible shoes for walking and stop inflicting your hideous 'little piggies' on us.

Thank you!
Golden Deuce for you.

[Negative Boy]

I used to feel that way. Then last month I got a foot job from Jennifer Hudson backstage at some music awards show. She jacked me off with her feet and I blew my load all over her face.

Feet are nice.

[Jargo]

It also applies to dudes in flip flops and sandals. Keep. The. Toe. Cheese. Covered.

[anarky]

1) Those of you on Facebook (who aren't ignoring me) know that I've had dog troubles lately. Some fucking random mutt first stole my yard shoes off the front porch (one at a time--one disappeared at night and I left the other out thinking I could probably find the first in daylight... no such luck, but the second one vanished the next day) and has produced copious amounts of shit in the flowerbeds by the porch. I don't have any idea which one; I see shit-tons of dogs wandering free, and the Lanny next door has a new fucking mutt every couple of weeks. (I suspect the latest neighbor dog, only because the shit-laying seems to coincide with times their gate is left open, but I can't prove anything.) I asked on FB if anyone knew any solutions, and they echoed what I found online: cayenne pepper and human piss. I tried the cayenne; it just made the dog leave diarrhea in the yard, which was far less fun to deal with. So (although I wasn't about to post this on FB), I tried pouring some piss around. It seemed to work... for about a week. I come home today, and there's a fresh turd in the flower bed, left sometime between 7 AM and 8:30 AM.

So my thoughts as I get some strange dog's fucking excrement out of my front entryway is, "You want to play this way, you fucking worthless piece of wasted protoplasm? Oh, it's on, you literal bitch!" I decided that a little sprinkle of pee isn't the way to go. No, I'm filling two fucking Five Guys large cups with piss.

Of course, this is tough to do on short notice. So I've been drinking massive amounts of tea and water. And a beer. Not to get drunk, but because the cheap shit goes right through me, and I have a cheap beer that remains from a pack oI got on sale from Fresh & Easy which made me rethink their "everything here is quality stuff" position. Which brings me to my first random thought. I can't help but look at the clock and think, "Sheryl Crow? Drinking beer at noon on Tuesday in a bar that faces a giant car wash? Feh! Ms. Crow, even with the taint of Lance Armstrong on you, there's no fucking doubt that, if you came to my door wanting action, I would fuck you silly even while my wife and kids watched, but you are a fucking pussy when it comes to drinking. Try getting up three hours earlier and give me a call."

2) I also thought, "Man, it would be nice if I could put up a 'No Dogs Allowed' sign and have the fucking worthless cretins read and obey it." That expression always makes me think of the old TV movie, "Snoopy, Come Home." Where we learn that Charlie Brown is not Snoopy's original owner. When his original owner gets sick and is in the hospital, Snoopy drops everything and leaves Charlie Brown to visit her. Then she wants him to live with her, and he's going to do it, until they discover her apartment doesn't allow dogs. So he goes back to Charlie Brown, who's none the wiser and thinks he was just visiting a sick friend.

I always hated that, even as a little kid brainwashed by the cult of Snoopy. Because Snoopy is a little fickle fucker, and Charlie Brown is essentially the sloppy seconds he only goes back to because he's banned from being with his first choice. As soon as I was old enough to understand the comic book ideas of alternate realities, I decided that movie was non-canon, so I didn't have to think, "Fuck you, Snoopy, you fucking asshole!" every time I saw him.

3) Yes, I said pet owner. Fuck this "pet parent" bullshit. Unless there was some (illegal except in West Virginia) cross-species insertion of penis into vagina that somehow resulted in a full-bred animal being born, you're not a pet parent. Fuck you. And keep your goddamned dog out of the store.

[Diabolical]

One beer? Sure.

[Ran]

If he was a real man, he'd hit the Malibu, hop the fence, and teach that dog a thing or two about poop.

[Tom Foolery]

1. When people south of Mason/Dixon watch 12 Years a Slave, do they get pissed when he "escapes" at the end? I bet they were all "what the fuck, he got away?? This movie SUCKS!!"


2. Nelson Mandela upstaged Paul Walker the same way Michael Jackson upstaged Farrah Fawcett and Heath Ledger upstaged Brad Renfro.

3. How is it the Texans are the shittiest team in the NFL? That just amazes me. The Jaguars and the Bucaneers are both less shitty than Houston at this point. Wow.

[Tom Foolery]

If you switch the 'F' and 'P' in finger pistols, you get Pinger Fistols. Which sounds slightly dirty if you say it enough.


In the far flung future, it will be trivia footnote that comics predated the films and that they were printed on paper at one point. How quaint.

All Your Base are Belong to Us and Mi Casa es Su Casa translate as pretty much the same thing.