Make our own EU

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

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mabudon
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by mabudon »

Okay I just found out that Darth Maul has a brother named Savage Oppress and I don't know what to do :ducks:
Vince, NO!!!!!

I just ripped off most of your pubes!!
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anarky
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by anarky »

I personally think (because I saw it in a dream, no shit) that Frassk has a skeleton in his closet (in addition to his secretly being a shaven Wookiee). In his younger days, he had a longterm gay relationship with Jabba the Hutt. How this comes back to bite him in the ass is anyone's guess.
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by anarky »

This thread is too awesome to so long without an update.

The reason Qui-Gon, Jar Jar, and Padme went into town with no one else: Ric Olie, prior to being medicated by Randolph Panaka, used to regularly visit Mos Espa and beat the tar out of everyone for shits and giggles. He's the reason Watto has a broken tooth. Qui-Gon knew that anyone would, upon seeing Ric, scream like a little girl and run in circles pissing themselves. Shmi and Anakin had only moved to Mos Espa from Pasadena the week before, so Anakin didn't recognize Ric when he met him on the royal starship. He was very weirded out after the space battle against the Trade Federation, when Ric's meds were running out and he asked Anakin if he was into taking shit-baths, then dropped trou and left a steamer on Anakin's clothes, which is the real reason Anakin was wearing a Jedi robe at the end of the movie.

[Seriously, "real" EU says Panaka became a fucking Moff. No shit.]
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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

Ric Olie was in a Cantina on Tatooine many years ago. An alien came up and got in Ric Olie's face saying shit like "My friend doesn't like you." and "I don't like you either." Ric Olie got so pissed he punched a nearby Jedi in the face, then took his lightsaber and killed the alien and cut off his friend's arm. Then he killed the Jedi for good measure. He was in such a state, he left the cantina and grabbed the first slave girl he could find and ravished her for six hours. When he was done, he said "Bitch, this never happened. If you got pregnant (and believe me you did, because I'm a virile MoFo) you'll never say who the father is. As far as your concerned THERE WAS NO FATHER.. Got it?"

Then he stole the first YT-1800 he came across and on the way back to Naboo, he modified it to be he fastest ship ever just because he was bored.
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by anarky »

All kidding aside, how badass do you have to be to be in Star Wars and have a name like Ric? I don't see many Steves or Brunos running around.
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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

Ric Olie was famous (or infamous) for beating people to death wif their own shoe.

"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by anarky »

Holy shit, I did not realize that was Ric! :eek:

Why was the Queen an elected position, and why was a 14-year-old in charge of the whole planet? Because Ric thought it'd be funny. You don't fuck around when Ric thinks something'll be funny.

Randolph Panaka was hired by Palpatine to give Ric Olie huge amounts of meds to keep him sedated. The entire Kessel Run was started to smuggle his medication. This was because Palpatine knew the Trade Federation wouldn't mess with Naboo if Ric wasn't somehow dealt with.

After the Battle of Naboo, Ric went off his meds, flew to Endor, and became Chukha-Trok. Because fuck you, it's my story.
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

Ric Olié was bored one day and invented time travel. He went back in time and got mixed up in an adventure with some Jedi who turned evil. He realized if they ever got out of hand it would mean the end of the galaxy. So he beat them all within an inch of their misbegotten lives and said "if I ever find out more than TWO of you mooks running around, you're in deep shit."
The evil Jedi asked if they should just end their new cult now. He said "no. It amuses me to have a couple of you scamps running around causing shenanigans. A COUPLE. No more. No less."
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by anarky »

When Ric was an old man*, he joined the Rebellion and flew against the second Death Star. However, he thought it would be funny if he started shooting every-fucking-body on both sides. He took out two Rebel capital ships simply by playing chicken with them until the pilots had heart attacks and died, crashing the ships into the Death Star--and he still racked up more Imperial kills than everyone else involved.

It was during this battle that he performed what was to become his signature stunt, which he trademarked so that anyone who mentioned it for the rest of eternity owed him three bucks. He stopped his N1 Starfighter abruptly, then climbed out, opened his Artoo unit's head to reveal a gas grill, and started cooking bratwurst. He was surrounded by TIE Fighters, and one curious TIE Pilot asked him, "How are you able to do that? There's no oxygen in space, so there should be no flames." Ric reportedly sneered and said, "Fuck space. Fuck it with a shovel right in its infinite asshole." He then offered bratwurst to the TIE Pilots, who greedily climbed out of their TIEs and took them... then suffocated and died because they weren't badass enough to tell space to fuck itself. Ric ate all the bratwurst, and took out a Star Destroyer with his fart afterward.

(The check for $3 is in the mail, Ric.)

*--Yeah, I know he became Chukha-Trok. He changed his mind and became Ric again. Go fuck yourself.
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

After he crashed the Star Destroyer, Ric jumped onto the DeathStar and happened upon a fight between a Big Black Guy and an old woman wearing a bathrobe. For shits and giggles, Ric used his mad ventriloquist skillz and made it sound like the Black Guy was saying "Noooooo!" when he tossed the old lady down the power core shaft. Ric Olié amused himself greatly by this and walked down to the Docking Bay and climbed aboard a Lambda Class Shuttle. He was prepping the Shuttle for liftoff, when an Emo looking douche dragged the Black Guy onto the loading ramp. The kid took the guy's helmet off, and they made out or something. Then the kid got on the XBox in the Shuttle's recroom. Meanwhile, Ric flew back down to Endor and resumed his role as Chuhkhah-HKhanhn.
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Re: Make our own EU

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Rollo Tomassi wrote:Ric Olie was famous (or infamous) for beating people to death wif their own shoe.
I knew he looked familiar.
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by anarky »

When Ric became Chukha-Trok, he simply stopped shaving and walked on his knees. He thought it would be funny for a grown man to become an Ewok. As Chukha-Trok, he embarked on many great adventures and impregnated many Ewok women.

During the events of the first Ewok movie, Chukha-Trok was getting really fucking irritated with those human kids. So he faked his death and shaved, then walked back to the Ewok village the long way (as in "he walked in the opposite direction and kept walking until eventually he got back there"). The Ewoks were stunned by this man who was as awesome as the "late" Chukha-Trok, so they invited him to be a part of his tribe. The kids were gone, so he accepted. However, a new addition to the tribe, a little critter called TEEEEK!!, kinda got on his nerves. He challenged TEEEEK!! to a foot race, and the loser had to leave the tribe. Obviously, Ric won. Teek moved to the Ewok city on the other side of the planet and got a job as a taxi driver.

When the Empire started building their new "Death Star" hospital, Ric knew it would only be a matter of time before the Rebels showed up. He thought it would be funny to convince the redneck Ewoks that Rebels were good victuals. It didn't take long before the Ewoks captured the Rebels. Ric overheard the name "Skywalker" and said, "Ho, ho, hold on, Ewoks! Let's hear these turkeys out." (Luke thought it was his Force trick that saved them. The Ewoks were used to that sort of crap.) At first, Ric thought this was Anakin all growed up (he had stopped aging simply by deciding not to get older, so he sometimes lost track of how other people aged), and convinced Luke to confront Vader to turn him back to the light side because Ric remembered the tacos little Anakin was able to make. (We don't see him because he had to go to the bathroom.)

Then, when the Imperials were focused on Luke, Ric stole the Shuttle Tydirium, rebuilt it into an N1 starfighter, and took off to join the space battle.

(Everything Ric does should boil down to food or the idea that something would be funny.)
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Re: Make our own EU

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

One o Ric's Ewok Concubines spat out a baby Ewok. Ric named the baby Kris Kristopher and put him in a rocket ship for parts unknown. He wanted to see how long his offspring would last in outer space. He also briefly wrote down the entire history of his Galaxy from memory and tossed that in the Rocket, so the kid would have something to read. (He would figure out how to read it on his own, because he is the offspring of Ric).

The rocket flew for a long, long time and crashed on a planet in a Far Away Galaxy. The ship crashed in a small city called San Francisco. When Kris climbed out of the wreckage, he pointed to the nearest person and said " You are a F.A.G." (which of course meant Far Away Galaxian) and the name stuck because the Franciscans were in such awe of Kris.
Then Kris left and traveled the world and had many adventures. He eventually sired a son, who he named after himself in the traditional Endorian naming ritual.
And back in San Fran, a young boy who was into racecars, was rummaging through the junkyard where Kris had left his crashed rocket, and stumbled upon the Complete History his father had written.
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
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Ran
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Re: Make our own EU

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Slicker wrote:
Ran wrote:Has anyone ever found a picture of Greedo's funeral with the Bounty Hunters?
Found...
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Still a great picture.
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Diabolical
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Re: Make our own EU

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Very possibly my new Facebook cover photo.
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