Make our own EU

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:43 am

The rules are simple:

You post, you toss out some totally made-up Star Wars "fact."

You can (and should) totally disregard anything that doesn't appear in one of the six movies, the two Ewok movies, or the Clone Wars cartoon when making these "facts." As is the case with regular EU, we can pick and chooose what to keep from the 80s cartoons and the Holiday Special.

For simplicity's sake, keep any character names that are already established, so we know who we're talking about.

Don't worry about making long stories. A fact or two is fine.

My hope is that this will continue for three years, so when Slicker comes back after getting all sorts of mad kunoichi manko, we can give him a version of the EU he'll find more interesting as a "welcome back" present.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:52 am

Han Solo once had a torrid affair with Dice Ibegon. She was in the Cantina that day hoping to kill him.
Ki-Adi Mundi is from a planet called Romulak. He is the first Jedi from that world, as most inhabitants are snide, talk in choppy sentences, and hate Tang.
Tycho Celchu was one of the Alliance's greatest pilots until a foot assault on the sixth Death Star. On this battle station, the crazy Moff Morhoff armed his mouse droids with a potent form of spice to release upon anyone who attempted to extract their messages without a proper code word. Tycho did not know the code word on one particular mouse droid he intercepted was not "Alternator," but an obscure Hutt word, "Mykelbay." Tycho has never been the same since, and the other pilots avoid him as he continually tells them about dreams where he is killed by rancors.
Before Jabba's minions could find a costume that fit her properly, Leia was completely naked for several hours. During this time, Salacious Crumb snapped several holographs of her, which surfaced on the holonet about five years after Endor. Leia was disgraced and forced to resign from the New Improved Galactic Senate when one shot of her sitting on Ephant Mon's head hit the news. (She thought he was a chair. Honest.) This was the first clue that Salacious Crumb, the true genius behind the Trade Federation, had survived the explosion of the Sail Barge.
Akmeena quit the Cantina and travelled to Endor, where she married a Yuzzum. The two now cruise the spacelanes, singing in seedy hotels. One of the Rebel heroes seems to run into them at least once on every mission.
Mace Windu's arm and lightsaber were recovered by Sly Moore. She accidentally activated the lightsaber into her head, which is why she's not in the OT.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 12:28 pm

Luke Skywalker keeps trying to grow a beard to emulate his mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, but Mara Jade laughs at it and makes him shave it off every time.

Darth Vader original costume didn't include the samurai helmet, but his first post-Mustafar adventure was to the really really rainy planet of Blommus and all the moisture shorted out his circuits. That's why he's A. Always raspy and B. wearing the helmet. Moff Herroma said it looked stupid and...well, it's why you've never heard of Moff Herroma.

Slicker · Post by **Slicker** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:26 pm

* Jedi Master Goa Tse spread his influence throughout the galaxy only to be arrested by the Imperials for it.

* Oola survived her trip through the gullet of the Rancor only to come out and actually smell like a rose.

* Every Friday night, before they go out on the town, Han has to shave Chewies butthole for the coming week just to ensure no poop gets caught in his fur

* Leia isn't wearing a bikini in Jabba's palace. That's what galactic underwear looks like and that's what she had on under the Boussh disguise.

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:31 pm

-Dengar ended up buying Luke's Landspeeder from the alien in Mos Eisley. He later wrecked it when he ran over the Jawa that zapped R2.

-Malakili was Lando's roommate in Jabba's palace.

-BoShek was arrested when he left Tattoine for flying with an open container. He was sent to Kessell, but escaped on a transport bound for Courasant. He was recaptured there but was recaptured when he tried to pass through customs. While he was awaiting trial, he escaped again when Senator Binks, from Naboo, accidentally crashed his speeder through the wall of Boshek's jail cell.[/list]

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:46 pm

BoShek later went on to become the first Jedi Master trained by Luke Skywalker, and married Sabe's daughter, Hotay.

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:27 pm

-Ree-Yees was once a cook at Dexter's Diner. He was know for making some very good pancakes. Mace Windu said they were "the best mother fucking pancakes in the galaxy. MMMMM MMMMM, bitch!" After the Jedi were killed off, the Diner fell upon hard times and Ree-Yees was laid off.

- After the battle of Endor, Nein Numb went on to be a pioneer in the Ewok Porn industry.

- Dr. Evazan got his first taste of being on the wrong side of the law when he was 12. He left a burning bag of poop on General Veers' front door step.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:49 pm

The real reason Cleigg and Owen Lars left home and moved to buttfuck Tatooine was because Owen was caught in a bathhouse scandal with some male twilek masseuses and they left in shame.

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:07 pm

- Wedge is a former Imperial Cruisemissle Trooper.

- Salicous Crumb survived the Sail Barge explosion by living inside of Jabba's burned carcas. He hitched a ride with some scavanging Jawas and ended up in Mos Espa working for Watto. Crumb was killed while attending a pod race when wreckage from a pod landed in the grand stands.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:05 pm

The Wookiee braids on Boba Fett's outfit were actually given to him by his first lover, Moohieek. She later died on Kessel after being captured and sold in trade to Craddosk.

Dengar's weight fluctuates like a yo-yo. He's tried all the latest dieting fads, but to no avail.

Sebulba eventually left Tatooine and got work as a chef on the Rand Ecliptic. As a joke, he encouraged some of the younger officers to jump ship. They did.

Diabolical · Post by **Diabolical** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 10:13 pm

Jar Jar Binks: Not gay.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:45 am

Jar Jar Binks: Bi Curious. As he sank further and further into depravity, he experimented with all sorts of bestiality. Eventually meeting his end at the hands ( or claws) of an amorous rancor.

Diabolical · Post by **Diabolical** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:51 am

Eternal Padawan wrote:Jar Jar Binks: Bi Curious. As he sank further and further into depravity, he experimented with all sorts of bestiality. Eventually meeting his end at the hands ( or claws) of an amorous rancor.

That was an unfortunate accident of miscommunication.
As Slicker once said: it ain't gay to get a BJ from a guy, it's gay to give one to another guy. Jar Jar and the Rancor had a misunderstanding. And as we all know, Rancors will not give a BJ, only receive.
Pissing off a horny Rancor is not something anyone wants to do.

The Grin · Post by **The Grin** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:46 pm

Kit Fisto survived the attack by Emperor Palpatine and used his Jedi Powers and lady-killing smile to seduce the mothers of the galaxy. First stop: Naboo, to hit Padme's mom. 18 years later, just as he finished up with Bail Organa's wife, when Bail returned home. Kit was sneaking out the back door of the palace when the the Death Star arrived. At least Bail & Leia never found out.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 9:17 pm

-Little know fact that Yoda was an actual outlaw in the Grand Mal Ceizure system. He was wanted for stealing 40's of blue milk from the 24 hour bodega

-Biggs got his name from being a porn star

-Ashla and Jempa survived the Jedi Temple Assault by hiding in a foot locker. They grew up to become the Frito Banditos