...sleeping bag with a fish and Mac the Alien sleeping in it!
"Seriously, ain't he adorable?" asked Sammy.
"Why do I have a sudden hankering for McDonald's?" asked TiM?
"And Coke?" asked Lavender Gay Megatron. "It's like it's chemically identically to what we drank on Lavender Gay Cybertron!"
"Them, my friend, is fighting words," said TiM.
"Yeah," said Optimus. "We only drink cold, refreshing, super-inexpensive, flavorless Senor Peep in these parts! That blatant advertisement will have to go."
"You heard 'em, Mac," said Cyborg Sammy, shaking Mac out of his stupor and shooing him out the door. No one except the omniscient third-person narrator heard him say, "You will regret this, Third Most Interesting Man in the World!! Mwah ha ha ha!!"
"This is becoming nothing more than a bunch of talking heads blabbering," said Optimus Prime. "We have to find a new way to kill me, and only Jim Lee can do it!" He transformed into his truck mode. "All aboard! And roll out!!!"
SIX YEARS LATER...
Optimus Prime drove into the desolate wilds that had once been Seattle. It had been months since Cyborg Sammy had sacrificed himself to save the world from a real-life game of Angry Birds between Unicron and Galactus, but, still, nothing grew in this place that had seen the first invasion of that short but devastated war. Luckily, his mind had been transferred into Lavender Gay Megatron and manifested itself whenever Lavender Gay Megatron transformed into his new Lavender (But Not Gay) Unicorn alt-form.
"They tell us the man is here who can find us that roomful of tight pussy," said TiM.
"I thought we were looking for someone who could kill me off!" said Prime. "Did we get our quests confused for six whole years? Because, dude, that's longer than ALF was on!"
"No," said the Ghost of Kurt Vonnegut, "for those men are one and the same. Don't you remember the Oracle of Delphi told us this at the truck stop last week?"
"Oh yeah. This skipping ahead business kinda makes things tough to remember without unnecessary exposition."
"There he is," said Christopher Walken.
"You mean behind Rob Liefeld?" asked Velociraptor Freddie.
"No, he is Rob Liefeld."
"Hey, I bought some extra hot dogs. Want one?" asked Liefeld. "And then I can tell you about how that roomful of tight pussy is no longer of any use to you ever since I deflowered...
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!