The Passion of the Wiley

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Rollo Tomassi »

....satisfy Megan Fox! I said Almost. heyO!!"

"I'm looking for Grimace and Mr. T" announced Optimus "Have any of you guys seen them?"

"I can tell you where they are if you help me back in the window. I'm regretting jumping out it a few seconds ago and/or several years ago, depending...." said Santa.

As Optimus reached out the window...
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie
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anarky
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by anarky »

...the floating disembodied head of Garry Shandling materialized in the room.

In a booming, ominous voice, it roared, "Now, you shall all...
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Geoff Peterson
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Geoff Peterson »

..OPRAH!!!"

"The hell does that mean?!?" asked Cyborg Sammy Davis.

"Thats a verb now. 'Oprah' is a verb" explained Garry Shandling.

"Yeah, but what does it mean?" asked Optimus, putting a pair of whitey tighties on.

Garry Shandling boomed "It means...
KNOCK KNOCK. WHO'S THERE. TWEET MAILS.
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anarky
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by anarky »

...that we must go back in time to 1920 and stop Francois De Loys from taking a photograph of that fucking evil 'ape'!! That fucking thing keeps staring at me in my mind every time I try to go to sleep!"

"Shit," said Santa, "I ain't going nowhere near where I might see that face!"

"Which means," said Sammy, "we're going to have to borrow...
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Zero
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Zero »

"A WHEELBARROW?" ASKED OPTIMUS.

"TAMPONS!" SUGGESTED CARLOS.

"FRESH GOLD DUBLOONS!" YELLED SANTA.

"WHAT?! NO. YOU GUYS ARE NUMBSKULLS." SAID SAMMY "I WAS GOING TO SAY...."
NO HANDLEBARS HAN SHOT. FIRST! PERIOD.
NO HANDLEBARS MORE COWBELL!
NO HANDLEBARS GO FUCK YOURSELF™
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anarky
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by anarky »

...shit!!"

"We have to borrow shit?" asked Optimus.

"No, you idiot," said Santa. "Someone shot him!"

"But who?" asked Carlos.

"It was I!" said...
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Negative Boy
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Negative Boy »

...a Lavender colored Gay Megatron from an alternate dimension. "Cyborg Sammy Davis Jr. is just tacky. Fer reals. But Optimus in whitey tighties?! FABULOUSSS!!! I've got a giant Deceptiboner!"

Everyone looked at each other awkwardly.

Finally Gary Shandling's floating head broke the silence...
GOD! That is so STUPID!! You are WRONG!!

Eternal Padawan is DEAD!! Fuck yeah!
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Tom Foolery
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Tom Foolery »

...with a window shattering flatulence!!

"Sorry, boyos!" grinned Garry Shandling "I just shotgunned like 15 Red Bulls and they give me gas like an Arabian Oil Well!"
Then he floated away, dissipating like a cloud of smoke.

Santa waved goodbye. "So, does that mean we don't have to...
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
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RoIIo Tomassi
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by RoIIo Tomassi »

"...Oprah? Shandling never explained how it was a verb."

"I think we should call 'Lunch' and take a break." said Cyborg Sammy. "I feel like we're in a good place and accomplished a lot so far."

"I think we should kill somebody. So I can make a chalk outline around the body." said Optimus "Otherwise this chalk just goes to waste."

Just then, the telephone rang...
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!"
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anarky
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by anarky »

...and the receptionist answered it, saying, "Bialystock and Bloom."

"Wait, we're in The Producers?" said Optimus.

"Please let this be the movie and not the broadway show," said Santa. "I need Zero Mostel's autograph for my collection?"

"No," said a heavily-accented voice. "You are in the Mexican remake, starring Carlos del Norris!"

"Hey! It's the Most Interesting Man in the World," said Sammy. "What's up?"

"Not exactly," said the newcomer. "I get mistaken for him a lot, but I'm actually the Third Most Interesting Man in the World. I don't always drink discount store brand soda pop, but when I do, I prefer....
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RoIIo Tomassi
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by RoIIo Tomassi »

...Señor Peep. The third rate knockoff of Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pipp."

"What a coincidence!" said Optimus "I have a pallet of that sitting in my trailer!"

He sent Roller down to bring a case of it up. Roller beeped a string of Cybertronian profanity and left the room.
While they were waiting for him to return with the room temperature soda...
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!"
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Snigtad Flornbi
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Snigtad Flornbi »

...I FAUND A PITCHER OF ROLO TOMASSY!!

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NOW THAT IS A GOD DAM GAYE ROBAT!!! LOOK A THAT FUCKIN DICK ON HIS HAND, HE PROBLY SUX IT EVER NITE CUZ HE IS A GAY FAG LIEK U FAGGETS!! MAN, U FAGS LIEK ROBAT DONG HANDS UP UR GAY ASSES DON'T U, HA HA HA HA HA HA I NEW IT!!!
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Zaphod »

and then optimus prime said, "that's an old picture; he shaves his balls now."
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anarky
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by anarky »

"Oh," said The Third Most Interesting Man in the World, wadding up the picture. "I felt for sure eet was a current photo."

"Holy shit!" screamed Santa, running back into the room (having ridden, off-camera, Roller when he left, since Santa enjoys riding Roller--get your fucking mind out of the gutter). "You'll never believe it!"

"What?" asked Cyborg Sammy.

"I saw on the news that Andy Griffith just died!"

"Oh, that sucks," said Optimus. "He was awesome on Matlock."

"So it goes," said the Ghost of Kurt Vonnegut, who was known to haunt the building next door and occasionally pop in for some Senor Peep.

"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Cyborg Sammy.

"Think about it. ANDY GRIFFITH!"

"What, is this a verb now, too?" asked the floating disembodied head of Garry Shandling, who, being a really slow mover, had just barely gotten out the window. "I'm getting confused by this shit."

"You came up with the last random celebrity-as-verb term," pointed out Optimus.

"Guys!" said Santa. "This is important. According to a thread somewhere on this very forum, Andy Griffith always kept a roomful of tight pussy!"

"So?" asked the Third Most Interesting Man. "And, by the way, you may henceforth refer to me as TIM for short, since it takes forever to type 'the Third Most Interesting Man in the World.'"

"And now he's dead!" said Santa.

"We've established that," said someone, but, really, does it matter who, as long as someone is talking to Santa.

"So that means--do I really have to spell it out? There's a roomful of tight pussy that was the personal fuck-space of Andy Griffith, who is now dead."

"HOLY SHIT!!" screamed Optimus Prime. "There's an unguarded roomful of tight pussy somewhere out there, just waiting for us to fuck!!!"

"What are we waiting for," asked Roller, who had not only brought back the Senor Peep while everyone was discussing Andy Griffith, but had a run-in with Denis Leary and stolen his larynx. "Let's roll out!"
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Ran
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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Post by Ran »

"Right on, daddy-o" replied Cyborg Sammy, "I'll grab a bottle of flavored rum. Does anyone have a particular brand they prefer?"
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