The Passion of the Wiley

okay i can hear you now. and i don't want to. why don't you go fuck slicker's mom and get out of my face?

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The Passion of the Wiley

Postby Eternal Padawan » Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:11 pm

Or

"The Revenge of the Return of the [s]world's[/s] galaxy's greatest furry Super Spy."




It begins in a dark room. Plasma screens filled with broadcasts from all over the world backlight three men sitting at a table. The three men are worried, concerned even. They face a daunting task...

"We need to find Sly Wiley!" says Chuck Norris. " We haven't seen him since he went on his honeymoon with his new wife, Allyson Hannigan and the hot asian check-out girl from Tower Records."

"That was two years ago. Longer even." Says Santa Claus

"If we...don't..FIND him..." says Christopher Walken " The entire...UNIVERSE...is DOOMED. Luckily I happen to know someone who can find...SLY WILEY... and his name is.....
"Say Jim! WHOOOO! That is a bad outFIT! Whooo!"--Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." --Megatron,Transformers: The Movie

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Postby jjreason » Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:57 pm

......... Peabo Bryson. When that brother gets back from his whirwind tour of Alabania, we're going to need to contact him right away. Damn, they love Peabo in Albania."

"I think we need to contact him early", Santa chimed in. "This is an emergency."

With that, Christopher Walken met the icy stare of Chuck Norris. Both men reached into their pants pockets and pulled out matching......
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Pork Cutlet! Pork Cutlet will know.... the truuuuuth......

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Postby Eternal Padawan » Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:12 pm

...Peabo Bryson bobble heads!!!

"Oh shit! I remember when I left those for you guys in your stockings last year!" said Santa "There's only like 15 in existence!"

"I carry mine everywhere to remind me of the 'Bo..." snarled Chuck Norris. Then he pulled off his pants to reveal a pink tutu underneath. "Now I shall do an interpretive dance that reflects my subservience to the Church of Peabo."

But before Chuck could begin....
"Say Jim! WHOOOO! That is a bad outFIT! Whooo!"--Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." --Megatron,Transformers: The Movie

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Postby Ran » Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:25 pm

...the Trouble Alert appeared on one of the plasma screens. It was a message from The Commissioner. "Listen up, team, I need you to proceed directly to...

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Postby Eternal Padawan » Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:43 pm

...FZZZZTTTT....crrkl.....Hyatt Hot.....fzzzt..in Las....bzzt..crkl...."

The plasma screen made a loud POP and went dark. The three men looked at each other.

"Fucking pice of shit plasma screens!" screamed Chuck Norris. " Did we get a fucking warranty??!"

"I get warranties on everything. Bulk rates at Circuit City.." said Santa

"You bought that fucking piece of shit at Circuit City?" asked Norris " No wonder it broke. Fucking Jesus ass hell shit balls."

"Calm..DOWN..Charles." said Christopher Walken "We can still...
"Say Jim! WHOOOO! That is a bad outFIT! Whooo!"--Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." --Megatron,Transformers: The Movie

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Postby anarky » Thu Dec 28, 2006 7:59 pm

...dance."
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Postby kidhuman » Thu Dec 28, 2006 9:41 pm

Dance Dance Revolution baby
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Postby jjreason » Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:58 pm

Walken then grabbed Chuck Norris and proceeded to dance flamboyantly with him around the control room... until Norris was able to free his right hand from Walken's death grip and Jap-Slap him into submission.

Norris straightened his tie, and expectorated a little upon the floor (clearly in disgust). Wiping the glistening spittle from the splendour of his golden beard, he quickly advised Santa of a problem he had become enlightened of during his quasi-homoerotic Walken-Waltz.....
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Pork Cutlet! Pork Cutlet will know.... the truuuuuth......

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Postby Senor JabbaJohnL » Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:25 pm

... that his real name wasn't Charles at all, but rather Carlos. To retaliate for this oversight, he promptly . . .
Shit. I can't think of a good signature.

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Postby Eternal Padawan » Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:15 pm

...shaved off his beard and mustache and penciled in a thin little black line above his lip.

"Ole!" he cried. "I shall now persue my lifelong dream of becoming...
"Say Jim! WHOOOO! That is a bad outFIT! Whooo!"--Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." --Megatron,Transformers: The Movie

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Postby kidhuman » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:46 pm

A Cher impersonator.....
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Postby Diabolical » Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:57 pm

in gay porn!

Santa stood up and applauded. "I'm so glad you're finally being true to yourself Carlos," said Santa. "But I'm sorry to imform you that homos like you don't get Christmas presents."

With lightning quick reflexes Santa snatched the bobblehead from Carlos' hands and...
"As they say in China, 'Arrivederci'!"
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*For the creation of the Golden Deuce Award.

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Postby Eternal Padawan » Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:08 pm

....jumped out the window.

"Christ almighty" said Carlos "Now that I've convinced him I'm not really Chuck Norris" we can...
"Say Jim! WHOOOO! That is a bad outFIT! Whooo!"--Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." --Megatron,Transformers: The Movie

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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Postby RoIIo Tomassi » Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:32 pm

...get into the Guiness Record book for longest human slip-n-slide!"

"What the fuck?!?!" screamed Santa. "Did you guys feel that? It felt like.."

"It felt like we just got thrust through a time warp!!!" yelled Cyborg Sammy Davis Jr. right after he ripped off his Chris Walken mask.

If was just at this moment that the door burst open and....
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!"

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Re: The Passion of the Wiley

Postby anarky » Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:50 pm

...Optimus Prime came in.

"The fuck?" yelled Sammy Davis.

"AAIIIEEEE!" shrieked Carlos. "I'm blind!"

"Sorry," said Prime. "I'm looking for my pants. You seen 'em?"

"I had no idea Autobots had giant flesh cocks," said Santa. "That fucker is so big, it could almost....
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!


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