jOKES

anything that don't fit under any other category...like your mothers fat ass

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Ran
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Re: jOKES

Postby Ran » Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:57 pm

anarky wrote:They recorded motherfucking "Pour Some Sugar On Me." They could defecate in Lord Stanley and then hire a clown to jack off all over it, and no ill would befall them. The awesomeness of that one song would negate anything bad they could ever do.


No. Disgracing the oldest trophy in professional sports isn't forgivable.

Part of the blame has to go to the league. Why couldn't the NHL get a Canadian band to play instead of them? Isn't Rush still on tour? Where is Trooper when you need them?

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Re: jOKES

Postby Diabolical » Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:12 pm

Fuck "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

That song blows.
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The Grin
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Re: jOKES

Postby The Grin » Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:18 am

:thegrin:

What are the two most important holes on a woman's body?

The nostrils, so she can breathe in between squirts.

Slicker's Mom died and went to heaven. She's standing outside the Pearly Gates and she hears people screaming. "Why are those people screaming", she asks St. Peter. Peter says, "Because they are getting holes drilled in their head for their halos and in their back for the wings." She replies, "Forget that, I'm going to hell." St. Peter says, "But you'll be sodomized and gang banged". Slicker's Mom says, "Yeah, well I already have holes for that!"


:thegrin:
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:thegrin: Award Winning Mother Lover :thegrin:

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Bizarro The Grin
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Re: jOKES

Postby Bizarro The Grin » Wed Apr 07, 2010 3:56 pm

kNOCK KNOCK.

wHO'S THERE?

bANANA.

bANANA WHO?

kNOCK KNOCK.

wHO'S THERE?

bANANA.

bANANA WHO?

kNOCK KNOCK.

wHO'S THERE?

bANANA.

bANANA WHO?

kNOCK KNOCK.

wHO'S THERE?

oRANGE.

oRANGE WHO?

oRANGE YOU GLAD i FINALLY STUCK THAT BANANA IN YOUR DAD'S ASSHOLE SO YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT SHIT AGAIN?


:D
"fREUD SAID, 'sOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR.'

oH, YEAH? wELL SOMETIMES IT'S A BIG, BROWN DICK."

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The Grin
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Re: jOKES

Postby The Grin » Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:02 pm

:thegrin:

Knock Knock
whose there?
Gladiator
Gladiator who?
Gladiator out before the gang bang!


:thegrin:
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Re: jOKES

Postby The Grin » Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:23 pm

:thegrin:

Whats the difference between your mother and a toilet bowl?

You'll never catch me eating out a toilet.

:thegrin:
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anarky
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Re: jOKES

Postby anarky » Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:43 pm

Are you saying my mom is full of shit?
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The Grin
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Re: jOKES

Postby The Grin » Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:30 pm

anarky wrote:Are you saying my mom is full of shit?


:thegrin:

She certainly is not. I fucked the shit out of her.

:thegrin:
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Re: jOKES

Postby The Grin » Thu Dec 09, 2010 9:35 pm

:thegrin:

What's the difference between your job and your mother?

You'll never see me doing your job.


:thegrin:
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Re: jOKES

Postby Zaphod » Fri Feb 25, 2011 9:11 pm

a boy was walking down the street with his dad. they came across two dogs having sex.

"daddy, what are those dogs doing?" asked the boy.

his dad thought for a second and answered, "the dog in the front is hurt. the one in the back is pushing him to the vet."

the boy got a panicked look on his face and said, "we need to go to the hospital!"

"why?" asked his father.

"we have to check on mommy!" answered the boy.

"why do we have to go to the hospital to check on mommy?" asked the father.

"because the pizza boy must have been pushing her to the hospital!"

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Bizarro The Grin
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Re: jOKES

Postby Bizarro The Grin » Tue Apr 26, 2011 9:16 am

q: hOW DO YOU KNOW i'M GETTING READY TO VISIT?

a: yOU CATCH YOUR DAD GREASING UP HIS ANUS WITH wAL-mART STORE BRAND vASOLINE AND PAINTING A BIG BULLSEYE ACROSS HIS ASS. iT'S GOING TO BE A LONG NIGHT IF HE'S GOT THE CLOWN SUIT AND THAT WEIRD CONTRAPTION HE USES TO ATTACH DILDOS TO HIS ELBOWS.

(oKAY, i THOUGHT THAT WOULD FALL UNDER "FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE," BUT IT'S JUST TRUE AND NOT REALLY FUNNY.)


:D
"fREUD SAID, 'sOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR.'

oH, YEAH? wELL SOMETIMES IT'S A BIG, BROWN DICK."

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* - fOR AWARD-WINNING FATHER-LOVING.

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anarky
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Re: jOKES

Postby anarky » Tue May 24, 2011 8:56 am

I went to the doctor the other day, and he got really snappy. "Take off your pants, asshole. I've got to check you for testicular cancer."

"Why the attitude, doc?" I asked, complying.

He looked up and said, "Sorry. I'm feeling a little teste right now."
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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Re: jOKES

Postby Snigtad Flornbi » Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:26 pm

WHAT DUZ MABUDAN SAY WHEN A GORELLAS NUTZ HIT HIM IN THE FACE?

YUM.
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NOW THAT IS A GOD DAM GAYE ROBAT!!! LOOK A THAT FUCKIN DICK ON HIS HAND, HE PROBLY SUX IT EVER NITE CUZ HE IS A GAY FAG LIEK U FAGGETS!! MAN, U FAGS LIEK ROBAT DONG HANDS UP UR GAY ASSES DON'T U, HA HA HA HA HA HA I NEW IT!!!

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Re: jOKES

Postby Ben Reilly » Thu Jan 12, 2012 1:57 pm

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named “Governmentium”. Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is theoretically inert, although some research has indicated that above a certain threshold presence, it can be highly toxic. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass”. You will know it when you see it.

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Giorgio A Tsoukalos
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Re: jOKES

Postby Giorgio A Tsoukalos » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:20 pm

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Ima.

Ima who?

If you replace the word "Ima" in this joke with "extraterrestrial beings," you've just proven the existence of aliens!


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