Let's write a country song!
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- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
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Let's write a country song!
Most current country songs are shit. And they're sappy, ridiculous pap. Usually lately all I hear are about separated couples getting back together because they made a mistake and doing dumb shit to reconnect and puppies and butterflies and Shirley Temple and shit. But historically, they're about cheating.
So I thought I'd write a country song about a guy discovering his girl's been cheating, but, instead of the bullshit radio-friendly euphemisms and innuendos, full-on explicit, nasty shit. (Seriously, count the number of country songs with bad words. How many you got? Okay, take out anything by the four Highwaymen, any children of the four Highwaymen, and Mere Haggard. I'll bet that's a big old goose egg.)
I think the title should be "Ballad of the Cuckolded," or something that sounds more highbrow than the actual lyrics turn out to be.
The chorus so far is:
"Some other man's pubes in your panties,
Some other man's sperm up in your twat"
And the only other line(s) I have is (are):
"Nothin' that I hate more than goin' down
And tasting some other guy"
Seriously, I ain't bullshitting. Throw me some ideas and you'll share my Song of the Year Grammy.
So I thought I'd write a country song about a guy discovering his girl's been cheating, but, instead of the bullshit radio-friendly euphemisms and innuendos, full-on explicit, nasty shit. (Seriously, count the number of country songs with bad words. How many you got? Okay, take out anything by the four Highwaymen, any children of the four Highwaymen, and Mere Haggard. I'll bet that's a big old goose egg.)
I think the title should be "Ballad of the Cuckolded," or something that sounds more highbrow than the actual lyrics turn out to be.
The chorus so far is:
"Some other man's pubes in your panties,
Some other man's sperm up in your twat"
And the only other line(s) I have is (are):
"Nothin' that I hate more than goin' down
And tasting some other guy"
Seriously, I ain't bullshitting. Throw me some ideas and you'll share my Song of the Year Grammy.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Ran
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Re: Let's write a country song!
at some point in the song the singer needs to be driving his Ford truck down the road to go after his woman who is leaving him. He hits a bump and spills his beer. The bump ends up being his dog.
- Tom Foolery
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Re: Let's write a country song!
There's a verse in there somewhere if you rhyme cuckold with fuck all or fuck ol' or something.
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”
- Ran
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Re: Let's write a country song!
I knew you used to get aroun'
And that you were never shy
Nothin' that I hate more than goin' down
And tasting some other guy
Some other man's pubes in your panties,
Some other man's sperm up in your twat
By the stretch marks around your vag
I know you get fucked a lot.
something something something
The taste of other guys kind of gets old
something something something
I never asked to be a cuckold
When you're out I feel alone
And end up jerkin' into a sock
I'm not quite sure where you are
But I'm sure you're ridin' another guy's cock
And that you were never shy
Nothin' that I hate more than goin' down
And tasting some other guy
Some other man's pubes in your panties,
Some other man's sperm up in your twat
By the stretch marks around your vag
I know you get fucked a lot.
something something something
The taste of other guys kind of gets old
something something something
I never asked to be a cuckold
When you're out I feel alone
And end up jerkin' into a sock
I'm not quite sure where you are
But I'm sure you're ridin' another guy's cock
- Tom Foolery
- I HAVE THE POWER!!!
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Re: Let's write a country song!
Full disclosure, I was reading Ran's lyrics while eating a sandwich. And when I got to the 'jerking into a sock' line I started laughing and choked on my sandwich and almost died.
True story.
True story.
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
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Re: Let's write a country song!
I just snarfed Dr. Pepper.
Fucking gold, Ran. I'm serious. Not eating out silver. Fucking gold.
Fucking gold, Ran. I'm serious. Not eating out silver. Fucking gold.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
- Ran
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Re: Let's write a country song!
Thanks. Sorry about the choking thing.
The line "The taste of other guys kind of gets old" probably should be changed to something like "you left me out in the cold" because rhyming "old" and "cuckold" doesn't seem right. Plus, the "taste" thing is used in the other verse.
Just thought of this verse or two. The first should probably be near the beginning.
When we got together
I never thought you'd do me no wrong
Turns out I wasn't right
'Cuz there you are takin' another man's dong
The first time I caught you cheatin'
I told you I'm not the kind of man that quits
You know I always loved you
'Til I found all that jizz on your tits.
The line "The taste of other guys kind of gets old" probably should be changed to something like "you left me out in the cold" because rhyming "old" and "cuckold" doesn't seem right. Plus, the "taste" thing is used in the other verse.
Just thought of this verse or two. The first should probably be near the beginning.
When we got together
I never thought you'd do me no wrong
Turns out I wasn't right
'Cuz there you are takin' another man's dong
The first time I caught you cheatin'
I told you I'm not the kind of man that quits
You know I always loved you
'Til I found all that jizz on your tits.
- Slicker
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Re: Let's write a country song!
My first reaction was to think of the Pornicus.anarky wrote:I just snarfed Dr. Pepper.
Fucking gold, Ran. I'm serious. Not eating out silver. Fucking gold.
Sweet berry wine!
Re: Let's write a country song!
A friend of mine likes the nu-country stuff, but thankfully she has no trouble knowing when the lyrics are getting too crazy and actually points out some of the better ones to me...
I honestly an not sure if you can even parody country music at all anymore, given Poes law and actual tunes like "hold mah beer, whul ah kiss yer girlfriend"
I honestly an not sure if you can even parody country music at all anymore, given Poes law and actual tunes like "hold mah beer, whul ah kiss yer girlfriend"
Vince, NO!!!!!
I just ripped off most of your pubes!!
I just ripped off most of your pubes!!
- anarky
- sometimes not actually existing
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Re: Let's write a country song!
Slightly off-subject, but mabs reminded me of this. In a perfect world, it's something you all would know, but this isn't a perfect world.
Shooter Jennings (Waylon's son) started out doing pretty legit heavy metal, but switched to this sort of country/Southern rock/occasional touches of metal fusion (yes, country and Southern rock are two very different things). His first country album is called "Let's Put the 'O' Back in Country." (It's actually pretty awesome. But Waylon's ghost would haunt the fuck out of him if it wasn't.)
But it goes back to the thing about children of Highwaymen. Every other country lyric is so clean you could eat off it.
Shooter Jennings (Waylon's son) started out doing pretty legit heavy metal, but switched to this sort of country/Southern rock/occasional touches of metal fusion (yes, country and Southern rock are two very different things). His first country album is called "Let's Put the 'O' Back in Country." (It's actually pretty awesome. But Waylon's ghost would haunt the fuck out of him if it wasn't.)
But it goes back to the thing about children of Highwaymen. Every other country lyric is so clean you could eat off it.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!