I dreamed about jjreason last night

[anarky]

Another bizarre one last night.

I was back in high school, living at my parents' house from that time, but I was still married and had kids (even though my wife and kids didn't actually show up, I somehow know this). What should seem the most memorable part of the dream was the part that I remember the least about: I had cloned Marvin Gaye for a science fair project, and had to keep him hidden from his father (who was my neighbor, or something), because I knew he'd want to kill him again. [Seriously. Fuck Marvin Gaye Sr. We should retroactively stop calling him by that name and call him Fucktard Asshole Shitface Cunthead Jones.] So it was sort of like a bad movie where a kid has to hide an alien or Frankenstein or some shit, only with me and Marvin Gaye.

The part I remember in more detail probably would be more appropriate here, though. I went online (with the 2012 internet and connection speed on my old-ass-even-for-the-time Tandy 1000EX) and was on Amazon and found a solicitation for the newest Star Wars book, which had set fandom ablaze (and not just because the cover art was the same painting used on the ultra-shitty Children of the Jedi):

Star Wars: The Coming White Knight

As Imperial Warlord Zsinj threatens the fledgeling New Republic, a new battlefield opens when Mon Mothma attempts to establish a forward base on the ancient frozen shopping mall planet of Qualooine. However, the Qualooinians will only negotiate with a male war hero, and their bizarre method of showing respect prompts Leia Organa Solo to forbid her husband to take part, instead sending him on a yearlong battle against Zsinj in another part of the galaxy.

Luckily, her brother Luke Skywalker agrees to the task before asking what it entails. And then he discovers the truth: the Qualooinians will only deal with one that they deem worthy, and they judge worthiness by the size of the orgasm achieved when a man publicly receives a handjob from two scantilly-clad young women.

And then New Republic spies learn a more shocking bit of information: Zsinj has sent his envoy, Ron Jeremy, to also deal with the Qualooinians, who will execute the man with the lesser orgasm.

Luke must muster all of his Jedi training (and wild fantasies about that crazy redheaded Imperial chick that tried to kill him) to ensure that he will fill the skies of Qualooine with his sperm, becoming the legendary Cum Snow Man of prehistoric Qualoonian prophecy.

Even better than that description (mostly from memory, a few minor holes filled in) was the Amazon discussion. Mostly people were bitching about how this was going to be worse than the prequels, worse than Legacy, worse than The Crystal Star... but JJL was there, complete with his vynsane.com "bouncing boobs" avatar, defending it because it was too early to judge without reading it.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I had a weird one last night. I had a fiance(no idea who) and was showing her my house(which apparently was a mansion) and I walked into a library that was filled top shelf to bottom all the way around (and these were like those bigass 12 ft tall bookcases) with Porn. Except it was all on VHS. And in those giant old VHS boxes that were 50% bigger than they needed to be (like the old FHE GIJoe and TF episodes). And I was thinking 'WTF?!? Why do I have all this porn? And if she sees this she's gonna run for the hills!!' So I grabbed a few off the shelf(for what intent, I do not know. Like I was gonna hide 5 VHS tapes when the room had like 10,000???) and the bookcase precariously shifted. So I out them back and it shifted the other way. So I tried shoving a VHS under the bookcase for stability, and the entire thing tipped over on me and I thought 'oh god! This is how they're going to find my body, buried under retro 80s porn". But instead I caught the bookcase easily and stood it back upright(I guess I was superstrong in the dream because it was like lifting a cardboard refridgerator box).
Then my fiancé walked in and she was totally fine with it because apparently my career in the dream was cataloging old porn or something, or I was a college professor with a PhD in porn. I don't know, I found this out at the exact moment she walked in and didn't freak at my obnoxiously, comically large porn collection.
There was more to the dream, but it went off in a different tangent storywise that I can't remember.

[anarky]

Two strange ones the last two nights....

Last night, I dreamed that, for reasons unknown, I was having sex with Benjamin Franklin, who had assured me it wasn't gay because he had big tits. My wife walked in. She was upset, but not for the reasons you might think. No, she had had sex with Benjamin Franklin a while back, and he'd insisted that standard anal was unsanitary and done something weird. When she complained, he said, "I assure you, madam, it was all in the interest of my experiments to discover electricity!"

Tonight, another weird one, but not as weird. My daughter had to go to a different school, because (even though all the schools had all grades) each student had to go to a new school for each grade. During the school day, a Black Crowes cover band played Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Willie Nelson joined in, because his kid or grandkid was at the school. I tried to get his attention, but didn't want to let everyone else know he was Willie Nelson. Then the teacher took forever to let the kids out of class. One of my cousins suddenly showed up, and, in the dream, was my sister-in-law's daughter. While I was throwing away a ton of toilet paper that was just there in my pocket all at once, my cousin had Anarky Jr write my sister-in-law's name all over a psychiatric evaluation they'd done on my daughter, because she thought it was pretty and would make a good present. That's pretty much where it ended when I heard the cat retching IRL and woke up.

[bIZZARO tHE gRIP]

oH HO HO! sENIOR fRANKLIN ES UNO DE LOS PADRES DE LOS eSTADOS uNIDOS, NO? sENIOR aNARKY ES MUY MUY PATRIOTIC MAKING ZEE SWEET SWEET AMOUR TO HEEM ON eL dIA dE eL pADRES!

y aH HEAR THAT uNITED aIRLINES ES ESTEPPING UP ZEE COMPETITION SO sENIOR bIZZARO eL gRIN Y aH ESHALL NOW FOCK aNARKY TWICE AS HARDER THAN BEFORE.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Last night, I dreamed that, for reasons unknown, I was having sex with Benjamin Franklin, who had assured me it wasn't gay because he had big tits. My wife walked in. She was upset, but not for the reasons you might think. No, she had had sex with Benjamin Franklin a while back, and he'd insisted that standard anal was unsanitary and done something weird. When she complained, he said, "I assure you, madam, it was all in the interest of my experiments to discover electricity!"

[anarky]

I dreamed last night. I don't remember most of it, but at one point I was in a TRU and found a lot of 25th Anniversary Joes. As is usually the case, most of them weren't real figures. One guy was a Joe diver in a dull magenta outfit (that looked like a AIM Soldier) with black and and navy details. (Despite the color scheme, he looked fucking cool.) He was an underwater paratrooper/demolitions expert. He would've probably have actually been a cool Joe. Only problem: "Underwater Paratrooper. Codename: Cum." Yup. According to his filecard, it stood for "Corporal Upward Mobility," because he had filed his paperwork wrong when he joined the team and payroll got him confused with another character (a helicopter grenadier) codenamed Cup (for "Colonel Underwater Paratrooper"). I just stood in the store and laughed and laughed at how wrong his codename was, and apparently laughed in real life because I woke myself up.

Also, someone had pulled a switch. The figure was gone, and had been replaced by a half-used tube of toothpaste.

[Diabolical]

I actually remembered a dream from the other night. Or rather a small part of it.
All I remember is eating a McDouble from McDonalds. I remember the taste and texture of it, even that nasty greasy coating your mouth gets afterward.

I've had just one since last August and that was hunger desperation on a long trip with no gluten free options readily available.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

This dream was playing out like a sort of a madcap heist comedy film more than something serious like Taken. But my daughter is traveling in Europe and Hugh Jackman is some kind of douchey suave 00 secret agent whos "courting"(?) her for whatever reason of international intrigue. But I'm wise to him and trying to interfere, so he's got a team of his own agents including Kristen Bell trying to stop me/interfere with me. But I'm on to them, so I'm simultaneously fucking with them and trying to protect my daughter(who I think was unaware i was even in Europe keeping an eye on her vacation. Then she gets kidnapped and Hugh Jackman and i reluctantly have to team up to rescue her. Which at some point involved a Circue de Soleil style chase through the streets of Italy, where the bad guys are in cars and we are in a giant human wheel and we are all wearing Tuxedos and I have a gun pointed at Jackmans nuts. I don't know how the chase ended because I woke up.

[Jargo]

I don't dream anymore. Not since them space aliens finger fucked me.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Last year I had a dream about aliens finger fucking Jargo. And when I say finger fuck, I mean they had their filthy way with his finger. And they made his thumbs watch.

[anarky]

Last night, I dreamed I abused Sarah Palin.

Okay, let me explain before you call the Dream Police. It was one of those dreams where you're totally aware it's a dream. And she looked like Tina Fey, but was supposed to be the real Sarah Palin in the dream. She was walking around a neighborhood, carrying a sign protesting something or other. And, being in control of the dream, and tending to like to fuck around (literally and figuratively) when I realize that, I said, "I'm getting sick of your shit, and I know just how to shut you up!" So I chased her down, tore her shirt off, and started rubbing her titties. (I'm also pretty sure most real abuse victims don't start off by saying, "No, please, stop! You're hurting me," and immediately switch to "Oh, yeah, fuck the politics right out of my pussy!" the second you touch a nipple, then start trying to blow you.) The rest, you can probably figure out. She got road gravel stuck to her back.

Just a weird dream that's otherwise unnotable, but I thought that first sentence bore posting.

[anarky]

Last night's dream: while I was at a pizza place in Disneyland (which doesn't actually exist), I got a package. It was nude pictures of mabs. I started to throw them away, but then noticed an old lady watching me. I couldn't get rid of them, because I knew somehow she'd dig through the trash can and find out I had them... but I couldn't carry them because I had no pockets.

Also, some ridiculous company (like Downey or Lysol) became the most successful company on Earth when they cloned Freddie Mercury, teamed him up with George Michael (who sounded more like Tom Petty, for some reason) to sing a new acoustic version of "Hammer to Fall," and put them in some random place in the California desert, advertising that they'd sing at the birthday party of whoever found them and posted pics to Facebook or Twitter.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I think you could be some therapist's Gravy Train if you ever went and laid on his couch.

[Ran]

As I've said before, I rarely remember much, if anything, about my dreams. But the other morning, I had one that woke me up. I was in Korea, but it didn't look like the base I was stationed at. Instead, it looked more like the prison from The Walking Dead. For some reason, I was walking the fence line. There was someone with me, who I seemed to be familiar with. I don't know who it was and I couldn't see their face. I heard some yelling from behind me and turned around. There were a bunch of North Korean soldiers cutting a hole through the fence and storming in. I started to hear gunfire, and I think I dove down on my stomach. That's about when I woke up. I could feel my heart beating rapidly. Didn't go back to sleep after that one.

[anarky]

That's because you've blocked out Snigtad Flornbi leading the North Koreans, and ordering them to tear your pants off and hole you down while he played "hyde thee salommy"?