it was on a night like this...

anything that don't fit under any other category...like your mothers fat ass

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Zaphod
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it was on a night like this...

Postby Zaphod » Fri Oct 15, 2010 12:03 am

a night, almost sixty-seven years ago now, when i first made love to your father, senor jabbajohnl.

the rain poured down onto the window of the 83 chevy trans am we drove to and from the salt mines to our quarters in the gulag. we had spent the past thirty hours or so in the dark of the siberian mines, digging out salt for kruschev's personal french fry chef. to pass the time, we had often pretended one of us was katie holmes, though we had never made it beyond third base.

the midnight sunlight (since this was siberia, and, as yakov smirnoff taught us, everything is backward there) glimmered in his golden locks, making him look quite a bit like a woolly mammoth. i could not deny my passion any longer. i kissed his knuckles, and, before i knew what had happened, my seed dripped down his thighs from his ass much like john f kennedy's jizz once dripped from marilyn monroe's chacha.

it was a beautiful night, a night like no other. sure, he would soon meet your mother at a protest against totalitarian bagels, but, for that one evening, as we held our naked bodies together, he was mine. he had been absolutely straight prior to our incarceration in the salt mines, but our love had turned him gay. super gay, even. super gay with a cape and everything. he marched in gay pride parades as "assfaggotfuckman" and even fought crime for a while in detroit, personally arresting jerry springer no less than forty times.

ask him, if you would, if he still thinks of the love we shared, that love that was destined to run dry even as we noticed we had run out of caffeine free diet coke.

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Zaphod
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Zaphod » Sat Oct 16, 2010 3:10 pm

of course, years later, i went to visit, and saw your mother, your father's lovely "love platypus" as he called her.

the attraction was instant and irrevocable. we knew we were made for one another, and met secretly for a tryst at the zoo. we both wore kangaroo costumes and made passionate love in the kangaroo enclosure, sparking heated debate and scientific inquiry among schoolchildren and kangaroologists alike. for days, we made constant kangaroo-style love, filling the enclosure with our bodily fluids and only stopping to drink cans of tab that we swiped from elderly ladies.

finally, it had to come to an end. your dad texted your mom and said, "god damn it, ruthie, you said you were going out to get milk and it's been a week! i don't know how to change little jabbajohn's diapers and we're knee-deep in shit." i bid your mother a fond adieu, and think of her every third friday, when reruns of becker air on the local cbs affiliate.

next time you talk to her, tell her i still have her can opener.

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Alex Trebek
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Alex Trebek » Sat Oct 16, 2010 6:07 pm

oH, YOU'RE THAT zAPHOD? hEY BUDDY, HOW'S IT GOING?

:D

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Geoff Peterson
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Geoff Peterson » Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:28 pm

In your pants!

In your pants!

In your pants!
KNOCK KNOCK. WHO'S THERE. TWEET MAILS.

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Senor JabbaJohnL
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Senor JabbaJohnL » Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:41 pm

Like they haven't already told me this story countless times . . .
Shit. I can't think of a good signature.

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Rollo Tomassi
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:50 pm

Sixty seven years ago?!?

Jaesus, John. How old ARE you??
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie

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anarky
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby anarky » Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:00 pm

Shit, JJL, that was about the most beautiful response to this weirdness imaginable. I bask in your glory. Just let me know so I get out of the way before I bask in your afterglow.
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Zaphod
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Zaphod » Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:14 pm

i'll get around to telling the stories about your mom and dad next, anarky. my nuts still itch whenever i think of that time i buttboned your dad in a poison ivy patch until your mom ran up naked and squirted calomine lotion out of her tits. i still have no clue how she did that. but she always was good at making weird things come out of her snatch, like the time she hid the keys to the spruce goose in there once so we could take a joyride on it, so doing something similar with her tits should have been no surprise.

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BurgerKingInDaUSA!
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby BurgerKingInDaUSA! » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:46 pm

Ha! He's joking about fucking your moms. That's funny. Because no one wants to imagine the Hamburglar fucking his or her mom! :lol:

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anarky
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby anarky » Thu Dec 21, 2017 5:05 pm

Zaphod wrote:a night, almost sixty-seven years ago now, when i first made love to your father, senor jabbajohnl.

the rain poured down onto the window of the 83 chevy trans am

Wait a second.

1983 was 34 years ago. And you posted this a while back. How the hell did you have access to an 83 Tran--

Holy shit, Zaphod is a wizard!
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!

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Tom Foolery
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby Tom Foolery » Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:25 am

anarky wrote:
Zaphod wrote:a night, almost sixty-seven years ago now, when i first made love to your father, senor jabbajohnl.

the rain poured down onto the window of the 83 chevy trans am

Wait a second.

1983 was 34 years ago. And you posted this a while back. How the hell did you have access to an 83 Tran--

Holy shit, Zaphod is a wizard!


Not gonna lie, that was the first thing I noticed about that story, also.
And once I find an internal logic snafu in a story, the rest of it becomes white noise to me.
It’s the same when I notice a plot hole in a movie.
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug."
"Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
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anarky
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Re: it was on a night like this...

Postby anarky » Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:46 pm

It's not a logic snafu.

It's fucking magic!!
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*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!


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