Unfortunately, many women just don't want to go out with comic book readers. I don't want any of the rest of my fellow fanboys to suffer the way I did, so my company, Awesome! Entertainment, is announcing a cutting-edge extreme new promotion that's a win-win for both you, the reader, and the company.
Simply purchase a two-year subscription to Awesome! Entertainment's hot new comic, Strikeforce: Youngblood Brigade and you can have sex with my sister!
Now, I know what you're probably thinking, but my sister, Babs Liefeld, is hardly a porker or a dog. I've obviously never had sex with her myself, seeing as how she's my sister and all, but don't think that I didn't use to fantasize about it when I was younger. One year, when she dressed as Paul Stanley for Halloween, I was so incredibly turned on that I based the characters of Domino and twelve members of Youngblood on her costume. And both Whilce Portacio and Fabien Nicieza assure me that she's one of the best lays they've ever had. This is a far better way to become a man than getting one of the special-ed kids drunk. Believe me, if it wasn't illegal in 49 states, I'd do her myself!
There are, of course, some rules and regulations involved in this offer:
- This is a one-time offer per subscription purchased. Babs reserves the right to request additional lovemaking, which you may accept or decline of your own volition.
- You are guaranteed only one hour of lovemaking per subscription. However, you must be available for up to four hours in case she decides you are doing a good job and wishes to continue fucking you.
- Babs will have sex with as many people as you'd like at once; however, each participant must purchase his or her own subscription.
- Oral sex is included in this offer. However, if you wish Babs to swallow, you must purchase the Limited Edition Gold Holofoil Variant Cover of Strikeforce: Youngblood Brigade #1.
- This offer does not extend to anal sex, which must be purchased in addition to the subscription to Strikeforce: Youngblood Brigade. Please see our website for current anal sex rates.
- You must provide transportation for yourself to Denver, CO, or make arrangements to meet us at any of the major comic conventions where Awesome! Entertainment is an exhibitor.
- You must provide and use full protection, including a condom and dental dam, if oral sex is desired.
- You must sign a release form stating that, in the event of condom breakage, you will provide full financial support for any children produced as a result of your liaison.
- You may not put Babs in any position in which she will be in physical danger. Among other obvious things, this means that you cannot be on top if you weigh in excess of 200 pounds. I will remain in the room to ensure that she is never in danger.
- You must provide a hotel room, parents' bed, automobile backseat, freeway underpass, abandoned warehouse, or secluded campsite for purposes of the lovemaking. Any finanical obligations as a result of your choice of locale are your responsibility. In assition to the possibilities listed above, other locations may be considered if approved by both the fucker and fuckee.
- You consent to purchase any food, snacks, alcohol, or mind-altering substances desired by either party during the lovemaking session.
- Roleplaying is allowed; however, Babs will not under any circumstances play the role of any character from the American Pie film series, as she hates those movies.
- Babs will be wearing a nondescript white cotton brasierre and granny panties under her normal attire. If you wish her to wear any other undergarments or costumes, you must provide them. Please contact Awesome! Entertainment for her sizing information.
- Filming and photography are prohibited. Any footage or still photos will be confiscated and become the exclusive property of Awesome! Entertainment.
- Your likeness, as well as your testimonial and any still photos or video footage made by the staff of Awesome! Entertainment, can be used without your approval for promotional purposes.
- If Babs has more than five orgasms during any lovemaking session, regardless of time elapsed, Rob Liefeld will sign your copy of Strikeforce: Youngblood Brigade #1. If she is multiorgasmic at any time, meaning more than two orgasms in a one-minute time period, a mutant cyborg character bearing your name and likeness will appear in a future issue of Strikeforce: Youngblood Brigade, and you will receive any applicable royalties for use of your likeness in the form of anal sex with Babs each time said character appears. (If this is the case, the rules listed above do not apply to these future sessions.) Faked orgasms do not apply to this offer.
- No refunds will be given if Babs is on her period at the prearranged fucking time.
- Other restrictions apply. See our website for full rules.
What are you waiting for? Visit www.fuckliefeldssister.com for more details!