Make your own reality shows

most tv sucks these days, but there are some shining examples of good writing, acting, camera work, etc... we call those Deadwood and Arrested Development. Family Guy sucks ass, though...

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anarky
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Make your own reality shows

Post by anarky »

Some dude from the network just contacted me asking for more shows, following the rampant success of "Kick Liefeld's Nuts!" As awful as "reality" programming is, we should be able to come up with tons of shitty ideas!

(Yeah, that previous paragraph is bullshit.)

Bigfoot Abusers: A team of cryptozoologists uses the latest in high-tech gear to follow up on various potential leads about the presence of Sasquatch (and other near-human hominid cryptids). They stand in the woods and say shit like, "You hear that? Classic 'squatch!" a lot. What separates this team from the other 430 on basic cable is that they're all into bestiality. The fame of finally proving the existence of these mythical creatures would be mere icing on the cake of tying down a Sasquatch and running a gravy train on his asshole.

Spot the Retard! A beautiful woman lives in a house with twenty severely-retarded individuals. Well, actually, there's only one, and nineteen actors. Each week, she must use her wits to determine one housemate who is not the retard. If she can eliminate them all by the finale, she wins a million dollars. If not, she has to change the real retard's diaper for the rest of the season while another woman takes her place.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Celebrity Pimp: There have been shows where celebrities become cops or teachers or whatnot. This turns the genre on its head. Each week, a new washed-up celebrity takes a stab at pimpin' hoes on the mean streets. Will David Faustino get caught and go to jail? Will Charo be able to keep her hoes out of the clutches of rival pimp Big Dick? And, most importantly, will Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?

Conspiracy Prankster: A team of pranksters interferes with the "investigations" of the number of conspiracy and paranormal-related reality shows. Chuckle as Steve dresses in a gorilla costume and jumps out at the crew of Bigfoot Hunters. Laugh as Randall flies his remote controlled saucer over the heads of the crazies from UFO Hunters. Guffaw as Tom broadcasts a hologram of Eileen dressed in a bloody 17th-century dress to the crew of Ghost Hunters. Wonder why the fuck all these shows used the way-too-obvious "_____ Hunters" formula.

The Calls of Cthulhu: In the tradition of Crank Yankers or the Jerky Boys, this show revolves around crank calls to various businesses. However, unlike those previous versions of this classic chestnut, these prank calls are performed by Frank Welker, using a voice modulator to make his Megatron voice even more sinister as he pretends to be the Lovecraft monster. "I AM CTHULHU, DARKEST OF THE ELDER GODS!! THE BLOOD OF HUMANITY SHALL FLOW BEFORE ME FOR ALL ETERNITY!!! HEY, DO YOU DELIVER TO RYLEH?" Sure, it has nothing to do with the original story, but nothing else does, either.

I Ain't Eatin' That S***! Celebrity chefs (and celebrity chef wannabes) compete head-to-head in a classic cooking competition, similar to Chopped or Cupcake Wars or literally anything else on Food Network anymore. Each round, they learn the ingredients they have to use in that round, which will be judged by Ted Allen and Marc Summers, because, for some reason, those two fucktards judge all these fucking shows. The twist: in addition to three or four standard, albeit esoteric, ingredients, there will be some completely disgusting ingredient, like dog shit, Drain-O, crushed glass, or boogers. Whoever doesn't kill the judges at the end of four rounds win!
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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So You Think You Can $&#%? A reality competition show about amateur pornstars breaking into the adult film industry. Every week girls compete in different events like girl on girl, Bjs, first time anal, and bad acting. Every week, one girl gets booted off, until there's only one left and she's declared the winner. Well, we're all winners really.

Grouchy Chef Cusses at People. A cooking competition show with a twist. There's no food. No ovens. No cooking. Just a pug faced blonde asshole that yells obscenities and spittle in contestants faces for an hour. And if the contestants react like any normal person would and should and punch him in the mouth, they get kicked off the show.

Untitled Project. It's Ninja Warrior meets Jeopardy meets American Gladiator. A huge obstacle course is set up inside a massive warehouse. Contestants have to make their way thru in the least amount of time. But there are secret shortcuts and bonus time added to your score if you correctly answer questions that are being asked as you run the gauntlet.

Bank Heist. Ordinary citizens are given a chance to hold up a bank. The first half of the game is set up like a cat burglar obstacle course where they have to avoid silent alarms and infra red beams. But if they trip the alarm, they have the opportunity to take hostages and stuff like that.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

Post by Ran »

anarky wrote:
Bigfoot Abusers: A team of cryptozoologists uses the latest in high-tech gear to follow up on various potential leads about the presence of Sasquatch (and other near-human hominid cryptids). They stand in the woods and say shit like, "You hear that? Classic 'squatch!" a lot. What separates this team from the other 430 on basic cable is that they're all into bestiality. The fame of finally proving the existence of these mythical creatures would be mere icing on the cake of tying down a Sasquatch and running a gravy train on his asshole.
The leader guy on Finding Bigfoot has probably forced the blonde chick to dildo herself in the woods in hopes her scent would attract a 'Squatch. Of course, Animal Planet would never release that footage, but you can just visualize her going to town on herself half crying, half moaning into the night vision camera.

The Yes Men Show: It is a two phase show. In the first part, a group of contestants compete in a movie trivia game. They go through a few rounds, the last being the classic lightning round. The winner goes on to phase II. In the second phase, the winner is the judge. Three celebrities, like Will Farrel, Adam Sandler, Jim Carey, or anyone else that puts out more movies than they should, pitch ideas for films. The winning film gets produced. The losing scripts are destroyed in a various ways, such as an incinerator or a wood chipper.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Pole Dancing With the Stars: This should be pretty self-explanatory. A bunch of washed-up (but still attractive) female celebrities perform stripteases to see who's the best. If they don't go full topless, this could probably actually air on ABC.

Looking for Love (In All the Wrong Places): Each episode sees Courtney Love dropped off on a random street in a different city, then given seven days to disguise herself by merging into the local homeless community. Then, three different normal people are let loose in the town, where they must follow the clues and find Courtney among all the other unkempt druggies and lunatics.

Special Edition: Twelve struggling comedians get to pitch their most outlandish ideas for changes to beloved films or series--particularly ones that tend to get "revised" a lot, like Star Wars, Star Trek, Blade Runner, and Indiana Jones. Each week, they try to sell their changes to an audience at a venue like Comic-Con. The one whose proposed change proves to be the most popular is booted. In the end, with one comedian standing, the most ridiculous ideas are actually incorporated into the next DVD/Blu-Ray releases of the movies, and the winner gets to play a Gungan who's vitally important to a new subplot of The Empire Strikes Back.

I also propose that this thread is inane.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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For Mabs:

Name That Doon: Contestants have to guess which celebrity produced each doon they see.

The Nerd-Off: A group of nerds (and I mean the sort who have no social skills and live on Doritos and Mountain Dew) are forced to live in close quarters. Each episode is 30 minutes of their interactions in the house, followed by a 30-minute roundtable debate about some incredibly minor (but controversial) continuity point from a film, show, or comic book. Whoever is least successful at making their point (as decided upon by host George Takei) is booted. The winner in the end gets to have a walk-on role in the next Star Trek or Hobbit film.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Celebrity Paparazzi! Celebrities are given expensive cameras and the addresses of paparazzi, and then compete to see who can take the most unflattering photos of them. Completely disrespecting their privacy and harassing their spouses and children is encouraged. Then when the paparazzi complain*, everybody has a grand laugh at their hypocrisy.

*(as an aside, autocorrect tried to turn 'complain' into 'cimplausible'...which isn't even a fucking word you stupid dipshit program)

Politicians' Children Go to War! All of them rich politicians preppy children who avoided military service get drafted and trained and dropped into a suicide mission in the middle of the Pakistani mountains. Because if you're all gung ho about starting MORE wars Mitt Romney, then maybe your kids should get the first bullets, instead of everybody else's children.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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anarky wrote: The Nerd-Off: A group of nerds (and I mean the sort who have no social skills and live on Doritos and Mountain Dew) are forced to live in close quarters. Each episode is 30 minutes of their interactions in the house, followed by a 30-minute roundtable debate about some incredibly minor (but controversial) continuity point from a film, show, or comic book. Whoever is least successful at making their point (as decided upon by host George Takei) is booted. The winner in the end gets to have a walk-on role in the next Star Trek or Hobbit film.
One of the rounds is "I've never seen ______________" and they each name some Movie, TV Show, Video Game, Book, Comic etc. The other contestants rate the "abject unforgivableness" of never having seen said program, and then berate his nerd credentials for half an hour.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Living With Lanny - a regular person is sent to live with a family of Lannies, or vice-versa, where Lanny is sent to live with a normal folk. Hijinks ensue.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Beer Me! Okay, I don't have much of a concept for this one, just a title. I thought something about switching beers between a Guinness drinker and a Bud Light drinker, and seeing who can drink the most without puking, but that doesn't sound especially good.

Stuck in the Middle With You: Basically, The Amazing Race, with a twist. Contestants are tied between two people they know, but who hate each other. A contestant's mother and wife would be obvious choices. They have to race around the world without killing (or being killed) by their teammates--or untying themselves.

Are You Tougher Than a Grizzly Bear? Jeff Foxworthy and Dan Elias host this show where random people find themselves in close-quarters combat with a grizzly. Usually, it's a fat guy in a bear suit who can be beaten pretty easily by someone with even the slightest fighting skills, but, every so often and completely at random, it's a real grizzly bear--preferably a starved, rabid one--and hilarity ensues. Maybe it's similar to Double Dare, where they're asked questions and, if they don't know, they can choose to fight the bear (without knowing, of course, whether it's a real bear or a guy in a suit until they're thrown in the cage). At the end of the first episode, Foxworthy is mauled by a bear and unable to ever perform again, and the bear must be boxed into submission by Elias. Why? No real reason. I just always thought for no reason it'd be funny as shit to end every episode of Antiques Roadshow (back when he was the host--and he was a real David Hyde Pierce sort) with him boxing a bear.

Fallon Down!! Jimmy Fallon is cloned indefinitely, and contestants compete against one another (and the clock) to see who can beat a Fallon clone to death, with different bizarre methods or weapons each round. Though the real Jimmy Fallon is always safe and this disappoints many, the wish fulfillment of this makes it the most popular game show ever, and people clamor to get on even though the only prize is the satisfaction of killing Jimmy Fallon.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Justin Bieber:Prison Bitch! Exactly like it sounds. The Beebs is put in a Maximum Security Prison and repeatedly ABUSED by all the inmates. And the guards. And perhaps the warden. Maybe bring in some zoo animals.
Then he's sent out to perform at a mall food court for half an hour. If he can get through the performance without breaking down he gets...to go back to prison and do it all over again. Really, there's no upside for him.

Snipers! A briefcase with $200,000 is placed in a public location in some famous city(Boston, Philidelphia, St. Paul, etc. the location changes each week). Contestants race for the briefcase while avoiding the 10 Sniper teams arrayed around the city. Armed with paint bullets of course(although, from 1000yds out, it'll probably feel like a real bullet regardless). Each episode is more like a tourist infomercial for the town, showcasing its unique attractions. And also watching people get shot.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Wow, I'm actually surprised there's not a show like Snipers! already.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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anarky wrote:The Calls of Cthulhu: In the tradition of Crank Yankers or the Jerky Boys, this show revolves around crank calls to various businesses. However, unlike those previous versions of this classic chestnut, these prank calls are performed by Frank Welker, using a voice modulator to make his Megatron voice even more sinister as he pretends to be the Lovecraft monster. "I AM CTHULHU, DARKEST OF THE ELDER GODS!! THE BLOOD OF HUMANITY SHALL FLOW BEFORE ME FOR ALL ETERNITY!!! HEY, DO YOU DELIVER TO RYLEH?" Sure, it has nothing to do with the original story, but nothing else does, either.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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The correct height of Count Dooku's droid pilot butler dude would be a topic on anarky's Nerd-Off.
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Re: Make your own reality shows

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Real Video Gamer. Contestants compete on obstacle courses built like classic video game courses.
Like running up Donkey Kong girders and ladders while dodging rolling barrels.
Or racing up a Q-Bert pyramid.
Or crossing a Frogger road(the "cars" would be large padded bags).
Or running through a "Pitfall" challenge.
Or running through a "Pacman" maze stepping on lighted plungers while avoiding "ghosts".
Obviously, the possibilities are endless. Feel free to add more ideas.
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