the vynsane asylum

Aunt Harriet

Heavens to Betsy!

With all these men in here, I'm surprised Mrs. Funtime hasn't come into spread her syphill...er, I mean share her casserole.

Oh, hell. That's not true. I meant spread her syphilis. Jezebel.

Aunt Harriet

I saw Mrs. Funtime in the Piggly Wiggly today and asked her why she wasn't wearing green for St. Pattys Day.

She said the fungus growing in her vagina counts as wearing green.

Oh my.

Aunt Harriet

No doubt, Mrs. Funtime will be at the front of the March.
Her mustache puts both Tom Selleck and Sam Elliot to shame.

That wax does nothing for you, Dearie. You look like a day player on a Mexican soap opera.

Aunt Harriet

That's nothing, dearie.

I once caught him abusing himself to an AARP brochure.

Then he wiped "it" on the cat. Filthy man. Wretched horrible man.

Aunt Harriet

Oh goodness, that reminds me.

I have some macaroons in the oven that are just about ready!

And Mrs. Funtime is a filthy diseased hussy.

Aunt Harriet

Bizarro The Grin wrote:

i'M OFF TO FUCK dIABOLICAL TO THE TUNE OF "sMOKE oN tHE wATER" NOW.

Oh that's nice. He'll like that.
Such a nice young man.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Aunt Harriet

Oh my gracious! This is so exciting, my stomach is in knots.

I think I just broke wind.

In case you were wondering what that cabbage smell was.

Aunt Harriet

Oh my. All this ribald talk is making me a tad flushed.
I'd never engage in the love that dare not speak its name, but if I did, it would've been with Donna.

Oh gracious. I'm having a hot flash!!

Aunt Harriet

I recognize that cow. That's the beast Mrs. Funtime got the herpes from.
Or gave the herpes to. I don't remember the details of the story other than she got stoned and started humping livestock like a dirty Mexican hooker in Tiajuana border show.

Aunt Harriet

What do you mean 'if', Dearie? I'm smoothe like a marble floor down there. It must infuriate you to no end that I never had kids of my own.

Aunt Harriet

This from the woman who uses the semen of Latino migrant farm workers like lip gloss. The Day Without Mexicans must've been your worst nightmare come to life, Sweetie. We all know where you stand on the illegal immigration issue.

And when I say stand, I mean lay on your back.

Aunt Harriet

I was in the bookstore today and I saw Mrs. Funtime's book in the remaindered bin. The one titled 'How to Survive the Bukakke Experience without getting your Stomach Pumped'

I also found a cookbook with a darling recipe for blueberry muffins. I'll send it right over to you, Dearie.

Aunt Harriet

Well, to be completely honest with you Marge, I just don't like playing bridge down in the red light district and having to stop every ten minutes while you attend to one of your johns. Mmm. Is that a cherry turnover I smell baking? It smells wonderful!

Aunt Harriet

Yes. I liked it much better when there weren't so many people in here.

But then Mrs. Funtime started advertising blumpkins for heroin and we started attracting the lowest form of rabble. Like those filthy Mario Brothers.

Would anyone like some pie? I just baked it.

Aunt Harriet

I was going to dress up as Mrs. Funtime. But I just couldn't get my vagina stretched out like a hula hoop. And who has time? I'm so busy baking cookies for all the little children who come trick or treating at Wayne Manor.

the vynsane asylum

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